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Old 05-26-2008, 02:40 PM View Post #11 (Link)
GeorgeMichael (Offline)
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I loved that!

I can imagine it already.

"What can one man do?"
"This" *shoots him*
Reading List for January

Salem's Lot - Stephen King
A Game of Thrones - GRRM
The Lost Symbol - Dan Brown

If anyone is wondering, my boyfriend's internet is the absolute worst piece of shit in existence, and it causes my computer to slow down significantly anytime I enter the Chatroom. It also causes the chatroom to freeze anyway, so it's a bit futile to attempt to log in while I'm at his place.
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Old 06-18-2008, 10:31 AM View Post #12 (Link)
Saraphine (Offline)
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really nice to read them
i'm afraid it is going to take a litle longer fr me to read them all
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Old 06-18-2008, 01:31 PM View Post #13 (Link)
ScottyMcGee (Offline)
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I've read this years ago, it has a specific title to it but I forgot.

I'm trying to figure out what movie/book are they all from.

2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.

James Bond movies

8. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.

The Castle of Cagliostro

14. The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.

James Bond again, typically "You Only Live Twice."

20. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.

Return of the Jedi (when Emperor Palpatine gets killed)

23. I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.

Return of the Jedi again

32. I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.

Batman Returns

34. I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.


52. I will have a team of board-certified architects and surveyors examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels I don't know about.

Star Wars (the trench)

63. Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.

Star Wars

76. If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

87. My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.

The Man with the Golden Gun

119. I will not attempt to kill the hero by placing a venomous creature in his room. It will just wind up accidentally killing one of my clumsy henchmen instead.

Dr. No/Live and Let Die

124. Prior to kidnapping an older male scientist and forcing him to work for me, I will investigate his offspring and make sure that he has neither a beautiful but naive daughter who is willing to risk anything to get him back, nor an estranged son who works in the same field but had a falling-out with his father many years ago.

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

I should make a video of this with their proper clips and post it on youtube.

Only thieves kiss with their eyes open.
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Old 06-18-2008, 02:35 PM View Post #14 (Link)
Carraka (Offline)
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I was just randomly reading this, and I suddenly remembered two other instances of villains turning into snakes and getting killed (besides Aladdin).

The Silver Chair, C.S. Lewis -- Chronicles of Narnia

The High King, Lloyd Alexander -- Chronicles of Prydain

That means there are probably more. This is just sad.
Corkscrewed alienation, rocking red. A kill. Joys again.
-- Alex

My mother is a fish.
						Last edited by Carraka; 06-18-2008 at 02:37 PM.
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Old 06-26-2008, 10:55 PM View Post #15 (Link)
Zaphkiel (Offline)
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My, there are so many bad plot ideas. I never even new some of these existed until now.

*Reads more*

The stars are shining.
The full moon above me.
Why does the night pass by?
Why couldn’t it last forever?

Zaphkiel's Final Product: A Cursed Royalty
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Old 07-24-2008, 06:54 PM View Post #16 (Link)
electrilad (Offline)
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That is awesome. And useful! IT'S FRICKENAMAZINGTASTIC. Thanks!!!!
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Old 07-27-2008, 06:07 PM View Post #17 (Link)
GoldEagle (Offline)
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Haha, that was funny! Thanks for posting.
I'm a ninja . Officially.
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Old 08-10-2008, 06:22 AM View Post #18 (Link)
aj.e (Offline)
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That just made my day, my friend.

"A vasectomy is the key to success."
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Old 10-22-2008, 09:49 PM View Post #19 (Link)
PMD14 (Offline)
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Way too many too read all of them but a lot of familar clichés there. Hilarious.
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Old 03-13-2011, 01:15 AM View Post #20 (Link) Funniest thing i've ever seen!
Me & the World (Offline)
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It's so funny becausall of these seem sooo basic, but you see them all the time! I'm even tempted to use them!
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