This is probably the only debate I've ever struggled with. Screw babies and gay people and God and Darwin and all that. I care about this.


What do you do when your friend is screwing up his/her life?

The answer is quite simple to me, but then after reading this magazine it didn't anymore. It was a GQ magazine, and someone asked in the columns what he should do about his friend who's smoking pot all day long without a job, etc.
And the editor immediately said to forget about him and let him be; he's an adult and knows what he's doing.

Some friends I know would always help each other, no matter what.

Others shrug and say, "It's their life, their choice. It's not your job to make them happy."

But the way I see it, they're not exactly making a choice in the first place, are they? They are only reacting poorly to situations, only reacting the way weaker people would typically react.

They say the best friends are there in jail with you. But what about those friends sacrificing their money to bail you out?


At what point would you not help someone? Or would you always help someone? Why? Why not?

My loyalty to friends ends when their bad habits begin affecting my ability to live. Because a person who chooses to do something they know is wrong or bad, understanding that their actions could also affect the people around them, is not a friend, but a menace. And, no, I am not that heartless. I'm not saying that severing ties in such an instance is that easy, just that it's the decision I make.

It's not really our responsibility to babysit our friends. Of course we should attempt to stop them from getting into those situations in the first place, but ultimately it is their choice. As long as we're there to help them if the day comes when they ask for our help, then we shouldn't let it ruin our lives.

When it comes to things like drugs, it's generally pretty close to impossible to stop a person. If it's what a they want to do, then they're going to do it whether we give them permission to or not. I say hug them when they're sad, listen to them cry, but remember that it's not up to us to fix their problems, listening is enough.

Frankly speaking ,once you become friends you have to help him even if he doesn't want help
.So mostly if your friend is screwing up his/her life it is sort of your responsibility ,but you shouldn't be that persistent.What I'm trying to say is help but to a limit.

Originally Posted by zero So mostly if your friend is screwing up his/her life it is sort of your responsibility ,but you shouldn't be that persistent.

But where is that limit? What is and what isn't your responsibility? If a friend is in a bad situation, I want to let them know they have other options.. I want to make sure they know what they are doing and what they are getting into and what the consequences of their actions may be. I can't make their decisions for them.

Many of my acquaintances (I can't really say friends) are into drugs and drinking and all sorts of dangerous things. Even if they were my friends, I could never tell them how to live their lives. That's not how it works.

As a friend, your responsibility is simply to be a shoulder to cry on, a helping hand when they ask for it and a source of good advice (so pretty much what Klon said). It isn't your responsibility to live someone's life for them. In the end, they must make their own choices. If, as Scotty said, it seems like they aren't really making a choice, it could be your responsibility to make them aware of those decisions and choices.

Honestly, if a good friend is making a mess of their life, you just need to be there for them and help them to pick up the pieces after the fall. Each situation is different, however... and you sometimes can't decide what you will do beforehand or using a hypothetical situation..

I agree with Zero.
Sofiel: The limit can be when you start to hurt from it or when that hurting starts effecting your life.(ex: snapping at people becuase you r are mad becuase their mad.) Love your friends no doubt but you have to live your life. Don't let their issue ruin your life. When that starts to happen it's definitely time to cut them off, or stop spending so much time with them....
When my friends screw up, I almost always see the results playing out in my head, becuase I've done most of it already. (And what I haven't done I 've seen someone else do.) It really breaks my heart. I'm a people person. Once I make friends with someone I defend them when they need defending, but sometimes you can't protect people from certian things, like,say, themselves. It may tear me up inside but I have to let certain ones deal with certain things but themselves.
Example: I have friend she's 14 always has a new boyfriend. She's overweight. Her parents and brother treat her like crap. She's a great chick but her self esteem is jacked up. She goes through heart break after heart break... I sit by and watch her break her heart. Myself and another friend that's my age. (17) Have spent the past year trying to 'fix her' a couple of months ago we clued in and realized that our living life for her doesn't help her it only hurts, becuase everytime she was going to make a stupid decision, Vicki and Vy were always there to get her out of it or to talk her out of it. That's not the way she should think of us. We'll be going to college soon and she won't have us so much. If we continue to let her pull on us for strength, she'll have none of her own when the time comes that she has to have her own.

You can't be someone's concience or their morals for them. All you can do it tell them what you think when they ask, and hope they make the right decision....Or learn their lesson the first time.

Oh, and help them outta the messes they get in if you can. (If it will benefit them.)

It is dependent on the friend, to me. Lets say it was your brother we're talking about, or maybe a son, or just a best friend that you loved every bit as much as you loved yourself. If you value a person more than you value yourself, then I suppose it would make sense for you to help them even when it hurt you. I'm not sure if that type of love is possible, as it contradicts the basic human survival instinct, but I'd say that in a hypothetical situation where an individual loved another person so much that the other person is more important than the individual themselves, it would make sense for them to be willing to sacrifice greatly for the sake of the other person. /runon

I think friends should be there no matter what! Like an old girl scout leader said, "A circle of friends have no end so you have your old and new" I know not the right thing sometimes but if you truly can help them and they will listen you have to try! To leave a friend when ever they do something you think is right would be like tearing a peice of your heart out when you leave them and if you keep doing that you'll end up with no more peicies of your heart to give out! You wouldn't want your friend to give up on you! You would want your friend right beside you helping you fight till the end! Friendship is rare and we should keep it close to our hearts!

Originally Posted by g&eforever I think friends should be there no matter what! Like an old girl scout leader said, "A circle of friends have no end so you have your old and new" I know not the right thing sometimes but if you truly can help them and they will listen you have to try! To leave a friend when ever they do something you think is right would be like tearing a peice of your heart out when you leave them and if you keep doing that you'll end up with no more peicies of your heart to give out! You wouldn't want your friend to give up on you! You would want your friend right beside you helping you fight till the end! Friendship is rare and we should keep it close to our hearts!

Sorry to pop the bubble you've been living in but some "friends" change over time and fuck up not only their lives but also everyone else who is close to them.

Some people can't be helped.

You'll learn this soon enough.

I'm sorry to say but I think on the postive side! Some people "fuck up" because they don't have any one to give them a hand!