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Old 07-30-2009, 02:32 AM View Post #1 (Link) The E-Mail Saga
Zombified (Offline)
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I recently got an E-Mail from a strange man. I thought I would share with you all what he sent me and what I sent in return.

The E-Mail
Spoiler:
Dear. Friend.

I am highly delighted to be in contact with you and sorry for the embarrassment this mail might be to you as we have not met or known each other before. My name is Attorney Mr. David Wagner I was the Personal Attorney to Late Mr. Roy Hall a National of Your country and a contractor who spend most of his life in my country England, UK. He and his Family were involved in a car accident along Manchester Stretch and unfortunately lost their lives on the 27th day of September 2003 in London.

Since then I have made several inquiries to your country's embassy to locate any of my Client's extended relatives but this has proved unsuccessful hence, he has no next-of-kin at the time of his death. After these several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to contact you since all my effort to trace or locate any member of his family failed me so that you as a foreigner will assist me as my late Client's Next-of-kin in repatriating the assets and Capital valued at US$8, Million left behind by my late Client Before it gets confiscated by the bank where this huge deposit was lodged.

The said Bank in London has issued me a notice to provide the Next of Kin or have the deposit confiscated. Since I have been unsuccessful in locating any of my Client's relatives for over five years and ten months now, I seek your consent to present you as the Next-of-kin to the deceased, so that the deposit can be paid to you therefore, on receipt of your positive response, we shall then discuss the sharing ratio and modalities for claim.

I have all the necessary information and legal documents needed to back you up for the claim. All I require from you is your honest cooperation to enable us see this transaction through. I guarantee you that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law both in UK, your Country and internationally.

I will be very happy to hear from you, I have agreed to part with 50% percentage of the total amount as your own share of the money for assisting me in this deal.We shall also map out percentage of this money to take care of incidental expenses that may arise in the course of this transaction. Immediately this fund is being remitted into your account, note that high degree of trust is required from you.

Thank you in anticipation of your co-operation.
Awaiting your response urgently.

Best regards,
Mr. David Wagner.

Email: davidwagner101@live.com
Phone: +447-0359-93298


I couldn't resist. I had to reply.
For those Marvel Comic nerds like me, this should please you.


My response.
Spoiler:
Dear Mr. Wagner,

At this time, using my identity in any way, shape, or form is completely out of the question. I am sympathetic to your cause. I really am, but I unfortunately am unable to help. You see, I recently spent some time in New York City, ah how wonderful it was...
Upon spending my time there, I ran into some trouble. A man named, Bruce Banner started some trouble with the people I was with and well...we got bushwhacked badly. He started telling us not to make him angry and well...they made him angry. He...well, I can't explain what happened and if I did, you wouldn't believe me. Basically, he went on a rampage and I barely managed to escape.

This agency known as S.H.I.E.L.D took me in and gave me a new identity. They moved me out here to the boonies and I now work as a delivery man for Toys R Us. Using my name will pop up on someone's radar and this Banner guy could find me. After seeing what he is capable of...I just can't risk it!

I wish there was someway to help but at this time my hands are tied. I hope everything works out for you. And remember, if a man tells you not to make him angry, for the love of Christ, DON'T MAKE HIM ANGRY!

All the best,
-Peter


But this isn't the end of it. I got MORE E-Mails. The E-Mail Saga has begun! Read on through the thread to see what happens next!
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						Last edited by Zombified; 07-31-2009 at 06:19 AM.
					
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Old 07-30-2009, 03:59 AM View Post #2 (Link)
Shaun (Offline)
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I delete these kinds of emails because I have no patience for it, but this is quite clever of you, Zomb.
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Old 07-30-2009, 04:53 AM View Post #3 (Link)
Nyx (Offline)
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HAHA that's smart I usually delete them, I get this sort of crap often.
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Old 07-30-2009, 05:24 AM View Post #4 (Link)
Ichigo (Offline)
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Hahahaahaha.
Oh Zomb.

I have never gotten anything like that before.
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Old 07-31-2009, 01:42 AM View Post #5 (Link)
Zombified (Offline)
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Well, I got another E-Mail today from the spammers. Probably the same people Mr. Wagner works for. I guess they weren't happy with my little story.

Here is what they sent. This one is a bit more official looking but still bullshit.


E-Mail 2-

Spoiler:
MRS.FARIDA MZAMBER WAZIRI (AIG RTD.)
NIGERIA FINANCIAL INTELLIGENCE UNIT
FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA
FEDERAL SECRETARIAT COMPLEX, GARKI ABUJA.
TRANSFER FRAUD ALERT/ ATTEMPTED DIVERSION OF FUNDS.
E.MAIL: faridawaziri100@yahoo.cn

Attention : Scammed Victim,

Permit me the pleasure of introducing my self as MRS.FARIDA MZAMBER WAZIRI. I am the newly Elected Director of the Nigeria Financial Intelligence Unit (NFIU). I am writing you in respect to the transfer of funds you have been expecting from Nigeria.

The Federal Government of Nigeria through the Presidency Umaru Musa Yar'Adua, has mandated the Nigeria Financial Intelligence Unit to compensate all foreigner’s who in one way or the other has beenretrieve of there hard earn money through illegal transaction.
The purpose for this is to regain the lost glory ofour great country and to also show the entire world that this government is highly ready to fight corruption in every sector in Nigeria be it in the banking, oil and communication sector in the last 3year's Nigeria has the worst name in corruption inthe world, where we were rated in the world as one ofthe most corrupted nation in the world and it is nevera good name to us.

Due to the effort, sincerity, courage and trustworthiness people like you and the entire world has showed in helping Nigeria to fight corruption unlike Microsoft who just signed a contract with the Nigeria Government through the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission.

(EFCC) an organization that was formed by this same government to fight corruption in all sector's in the country, including the FBI, INTERPOL, BRITISH GOVERNMENT and the whole world that has been helping us in arresting those that has been involved in advance fee fraud locally and international.

Following the recent bills passed by the house ofassembly and presidency, we have been cross checkingall financial transaction in all financial institutions in the country and it has come to ournotice that your payment has been withheld. But besure of the fact that we are the monitoring unit onall financial matters in the presidency, central bankof Nigeria, and all commercial banks here in Nigeria.

This office wishes to inform you that your payment has been re-directed according to the financial law andpower vested on us by the presidency to the appointedpaying bank (STANDARD TRUST BANK PLC) to all debts owned bythis great nation, as the funds mapped (USD1 BILLION)out in the recent budget by the president of thecountry, ALHAJI UMORU MUSA YAR ADUA, has been deposited with A FINANCE BANK).

We have your payment file presently with us, based onthis you are advised to stop any correspondence withany office regarding your payment as they can not pay you, as your funds has moved out from their reach.failure to comply, do not hold us responsible for anymistake.for your funds to be paid to you, you are urgently advised under 48hours to contact this office.

Thanks for your understanding and we are deeply sorry for the inconveniences this has caused you all this while. Call the Paying officer on telephone number +234-805-059-2167, for oral and important discussion as regards your payment.


YOUR CO-OPERATION WOULD BE HIGHLY APPRECIATED IN THESE
REGARDS.

BEST REGARDS
MRS.FARIDA MZAMBER WAZIRI (AIG RTD.)
FROM: THE SECRETARY NIGERIA FINANCIAL INTELLIGENCE
UNIT.


They just love messin' with me, don't they? Time to mess back.

My response-

Spoiler:
Dear Mrs. Waziri,

I am assuming you and Mr. Wagner have some sort of alliance together and this is regarding the E-Mail I sent him yesterday. I understand that English may not be your first language, so I will refrain from using complex words to confuse you.

As I told Mr. Wagner yesterday, I am unable to assist you. The only way I could possibly assist you is if I used my alias, Dr. Orgas M. Feelgood, and using such a name would still put me at risk of being caught by this Bruce Banner who is undoubtedly looking for me.

I am very sympathetic to your cause and I know that Nigeria is a bad place to be in this time of the world. If you're ever in the South West US let me offer my mansion and excessive amounts of female servants to alleviate your pain. I assure you, they are trained very well in the art of pleasure. They don't call me Dr. Feelgood for nothing.

If there is anything else I can do, please, do not hesitate to ask. I will leave you my address in this E-Mail just in case you want to take me up on my offer.

Best of travels,

Dr. Orgas M. Feelgood.

311 Sesame Street,
Los Angeles, CA
92144


Yeah, that'll teach 'em!
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Old 07-31-2009, 02:00 AM View Post #6 (Link)
Quietus (Offline)
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One word: Brilliant!
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Old 07-31-2009, 06:10 AM View Post #7 (Link)
Zombified (Offline)
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The saga continues!

I just received another E-Mail from the lovely Mrs. Waziri. What a nice little scammer she is. She genuinely cares about my well being it seems from this new E-Mail.

The Third E-Mail

Spoiler:
MRS.FARIDA MZAMBER WAZIRI (AIG RTD.)
NIGERIA FINANCIAL INTELLIGENCE UNIT
FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA
FEDERAL SECRETARIAT COMPLEX, GARKI ABUJA.
TRANSFER FRAUD ALERT/ ATTEMPTED DIVERSION OF FUNDS.

Dear Peter Merritt,

This is to acknowledge the receipt of your short mail. How are you, hope you are doing fine? I want to use this medium to notify you that some group of corrupt Bank officials were caught and they confess that you are you are among their victims. On our investigation we discovered that your fund has not been transfered to you despit the money collected from you.

Please I want to know how much that was collected from you and how much is your money that was to be credited to your account. Note that this information is vital since the Federal Government of Nigeria want to make sure that the image of this country is revived.Please you must funish this information as it will help us to pay you. You are also to send a scan copy of your identification card which will be added to your file.

Attach and send a copy of your Identification card so that it can be added to your file.
You can reach me with my personal phone number 234-805-059-2167. I shall also give you a call as soon as I deem it neccesary.

Best regards

Mrs Farida Waziri
Chair Person
EFCC (Economic and financial crime commission


See how she asks for my Identification card? If they knew I lost money, wouldn't they already know who I am?

Well, since these people weren't learning their lesson, it was time I played along with them. This response is loaded with little references to Star Wars and a few sexual innuendos. See if you can catch 'em all.

My Response.

Spoiler:
Dear Mrs. Waziri

I just recieved your E-Mail. It is wonderful to hear from you. How am I? Well I am just dandy. One of my personal female servants gave me quite a scrubbing if I do say so myself. It really is good to be a Doctor. How are things on your end of the world?

So these people have taken my money? Those bastards! How dare they take my money to help rebuild their corrupt nation! Help me, Mrs. Waziri, you're my only hope!

And please, for the sake of my privacy, call me Orgas. It is much less formal than my full real name of Orgas M. Feelgood. Peter Merritt, as I told your other associates who constantly send me E-Mails, know that this is my fake name to avoid Bruce Banner and his incredible power to find me. I'd hate to go over the story again, but I will tell you why I must use my real name if you want to hear it.

Look, Farida, can I call you, Farida? I will anyway. We are pals right? You're my Pen Pal now. I always wanted a Pen Pal. Now that we are Pen Pals, I feel like I can tell you anything. But before I send you my Identification or anything like that, I have to make sure you are indeed a real person! Calling you won't work because it could just be someone pretending to be you. The only way I will send you anything of my personal identification is if you send me a picture of you holding a paper that says my name and your name. That way I know nobody just printed it up. This is for my safety and yours as well.

The paper must say the following before I send you my bank number, my ID and everything else you need.

ORGAS M. FEELGOOD AND FARIDA MZAMBER WAZIRI

Once I see this picture, I will know I can trust you. Once I can trust you, I will give you all the information you need to help me from these people!

All my love,
Orgas. M Feelgood


Will she comply with my wishes? Will she ACTUALLY send the picture I asked for? How far will these scammers go to get my money? Find out as soon as I get the next E-Mail!
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Old 07-31-2009, 06:16 AM View Post #8 (Link)
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OMG LOL.

That's great.
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Old 07-31-2009, 09:32 AM View Post #9 (Link)
Jack (Offline)
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Haha. Genius.
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Old 08-01-2009, 07:07 AM View Post #10 (Link)
iloveyou. (Offline)
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Yep.
Absolute brilliance.
You, my friend, are my hero.
<33
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