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With only me part 1
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View Post #1 (Link) With only me part 1 |
Literary Newbie
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: The sofa
Posts: 7
Points: 8.69
Times Thanked: 1
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This was a quick thing, but I plan to do more of it.
.................................................................................................... ................................................ The past can’t change, yet it can change the future and present. Every second, the present becomes the past and the future. The future can be changed. Moulded, like clay, into anything that the past and present suggests. The artists that mould it? Us. There is a rule: Change the past it changes the future. And another: You cannot change the past. These two rules contradict each other, cancelling one another out. Unless, Rules can be bent or broken. But not without consequence. This is the story of a girl who broke that rule, and suffered the consequence. |
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View Post #2 (Link) Critique |
Novice Writer
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Somewhere in the Pacific Ocean.
Posts: 18
Points: 6.89
Times Thanked: 0
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Wow--that is really good. I'm instantly intrigued, but also a little confused. Is this like a teaser for your book? Or is it actually part of your book?
Just one thing--add an "and" between "past" and "it" in the sentence Change the past it changes the future. I can usually write a much longer and better critique, but I don't really find anything else you should fix or change here. Great job! ![]()
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A published writer is simply an amateur who didn't quit. --Richard Bach |
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View Post #3 (Link) This post is a reply - don't critique it | |
Literary Newbie
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: The sofa
Posts: 7
Points: 8.69
Times Thanked: 1
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View Post #4 (Link) |
Literary Newbie
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 4
Points: 2
Times Thanked: 1
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Wow. That was really good. I liked in a lot. I wanna here more please. Good Job
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