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Old 08-31-2017, 12:02 PM View Post #1 (Link) I use various languages in my book(SA official languages). Here's a piece of my work.
Aissa (Offline)
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I'm originally from South Africa so my work basically revolves around using various languages but obviously I translate it. Here's a little something and I hope you guys can share your feedback.


SCENERY 19
I was in the kitchen preparing dinner when my phone buzzed.
I quickly wiped my hands with a cloth that was nearby and I answered on the third ring.
Me: Hello.
"Oh, so you answer private calls?"
Me: Senzo?
Senzo: Mmm, the way you say my name. Goodness me!
We shared a brief laugh together.
Me: So what's the purpose of this call?
Senzo: Well I just wanted to check up on you since you didn't even bid me goodbye.
Me: Oh really?
He sniggered.
Senzo: Okay maybe it's not that. I just wanted to ask if everything is okay. I found you in deep thought earlier.
Me: No, you found me munching on my cake which by the way I didn't finish because you didn't allow me to.
Senzo: Oh?
Me: Yes.
Senzo: Oh well.. But really, like jokes aside, are you okay?
Me: I'd probably bore you to sleep if I'd vent to you about my problems.
Senzo: I know we just met, but I want to let you know that I'm here. Anything you need or anything you want to talk about, I'm here.
Me: That's so sweet, thanks.
Senzo: I see you getting comfortable with me huh?
Me: Haha, well if you meet me you have to be patient enough to get through my awkwardly shy phase before I become cool.
Senzo: Oh, alright.
Me: Well, I have to go now. My food is burning.
Senzo: You cooking?
Me: Yes.
Senzo: Leave some for me alright.
Me: As in leftovers?
Senzo: Yes, I want to see how much I'm investing here.
Me: Excuse me?
Senzo: Have a great evening Palesa.
With that said he hung up. This guy!
As I was about to dish up for myself my family returned.
Me: Just in time.
Mum: Hey baby.
She said as she kissed my cheek.
Lisa: Hey sisi(Sister).
Me: How was church?
Mum: Blessing as always. Pastor Johnson was asking about you?
Me: Me?
Lisa: Yebo(Yes).
Me: Why?
Mum: Just out of curiosity.
Me: Oh.
Mum: You should come back baby. Hiding behind these walls won't help you. You have to come to reality with what happened. And God will help you, he did say in his word that he will uphold and strengthen you with his righteous right hand. And that can only happen if you allow him into your life.
My mother was right. I had totally isolated myself from everyone who cared about me, I had even forgot about his teachings and his laws. I had to go back, I had to go back to church.
Lisa: Down to earth Lesa.
Me: Sorry. You're right mama. Ever since, Thabang came into the picture I've isolated myself from the people who really care about me. I'm sorry.
Mum: It's okay baby. Wena just be you. Let him cheat, let him chase all those girls, let him flirt with whoever he wants to flirt with. Wena(you) just smile, ube islima(act a fool) and just let him be. Just don't forget to put yourself first, do you.
Me: That's exactly what I'm doing ma. I've realised that I'm good enough for me and I need to set myself free. That's why I've decided to cease things between us.
Lisa: Are you sure though?
I nodded.
Me: Positive.
Mum: Group hug?
We all joined with mom squeezing all the life within us.
Mum: I missed my girls.
We all giggled.
The night ended while we shared light conversations over the dinner table.
It was a blissful night.

THABANG'S SCENE

I was home now. I was discharged earlier today and I just thank my lucky stars for not staying long in that hell hole. Don't get me wrong, I just find hospitals more of a military institution then a place where you find healing.
Lesedi: Down to earth Vincent!
It was my sister. I was laying on my bed with Lesedi aside me.
Me: You know I don't like that name.
Lesedi: Don't blame me sir. mmé (mother)is the one who named you.
I sniggered a bit.
Me: I miss her.
Talks about my mom always hit a vein. I kissed her four times on her forehead the day she died. She went through the stages of death very slowly.
Lesedi: Me too hey. Remember how she held our hands the day she left us? I knew it would be the last time I held her for the rest of my life.
Me: Do you think she's proud of my acts?
All I heard was a sigh coming from her.
Lesedi: Waitse bhuti(you know brother), mmé loved us. And judging from her everyday talks nali(with) papa she wanted nothing but the best for us. So considering how you've been acting ever since she left us, I'm not sure.
Me: I need to go to Palesa and apologise.
Lesedi: Not this again, you're still healing.
Me: ke siame nna(I'm fine).
Lesedi: Waitse,(you know) it's just pointless trying to convince you. But my advice is that o tshwanetse go amogele gore e fetile nali Palesa(You should accept that it's over between you and Palesa). The sooner the better.
With that said, she left. I was now left with my thoughts.

SENZO'S SCENE
She is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, everything about her shines with elegance and grace. She's not like the other women I've met who were only attracted to my money, her beauty stands apart. I can barely find the words to describe it, but her personality, intelligence and manner are what I as a man need in my life. She has become my daily motivation, and I think I'm falling for her..
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Old 09-08-2017, 10:56 PM View Post #2 (Link)
Lykaios (Offline)
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This is the place to introduce yourself, not to post work. Writing can be posted in the writing forums found in the tab 'Writing' which is at the top left of every page so it's nice and easy to see. Please read the Site Rules, the Critique Guidelines, and the How to Critique Guide as these will help you understand how the site works and how to critique properly.
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