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Old 06-08-2017, 07:18 PM View Post #1 (Link) My Biggest Fear
SerialLove (Offline)
Novice Writer
 
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Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 19
Points: 5
Times Thanked: 4
Spoiler:
This is supposed to be a slam poem so written down it might look a little weirder then it sounds. Also I know its long for a poem but I hope you could all still enjoy


(one poem at a time movement #1)
June 8, 2017 1:34am

What if I told you that my biggest fear was dying?
Alive one second and not the next.
If I told you that I lay in bed on short summer nights
listening to the crickets annoying but beautiful melody as
the rain rolls slowly down the pitch of my roof and to the ground
thinking about what it be like if I died.
What would happen to my family, my friends, my stuff.
How would I die?
Would it be painful or painless?
Would I know it's happening or would I one day fall asleep and never
wake up.
If I told you that I'm afraid of what comes next.
Do I go to heaven or hell?
Do I start over in a new body with a new life after a new conception
or am I just gone.
Nothing.
Rotting away six feet under ground until I'm dust.

What if I told you that my biggest fear was being alive?
Feeling each rush of fresh oxygen run through my lungs after every inhale.
When I lay in bed on New Years morning and I think about the months gone by.
I'm now a year older, wiser, closer to death.
What if it's the fact that I can see myself age?
Through every picture on my wall,
I watch as I grow taller and taller and my cheek bones become more pronounced
but I don't feel a thing -none of us do.
Because one day we look down and we realize were not small anymore
we have large hands, grown up teeth and we no longer fit in a crib.
What if it's because I'm afraid of the fact that I cant feel myself aging
but I am.
Because at one point I was seven
now I'm seventeen
and hopefully I'll make it to seventy.

What if I told you that my biggest fear is realizing that everything I believe in doesn't exist?
That there is no God, no happy ending, nothing.
Or that none of our beliefs for that matter exist.
That we're all just fighting wars for different reasons
without truly having a reason.
I'm afraid that everything I have ever believed in
is just an illusion of my mind
taught to me from the illusions of others.
That I have nowhere to go when I die
or no one to cry to in hopes that all my problems will
disappear.
That our
beliefs aren't
real.

What if I told you that my biggest fear is what people say about me?
Not the bad or the lies
because I've heard the bad and the lies
and I've stood in their faces and I have yelled.
I yelled until I no longer had a voice.
Until they went deaf and they stopped making their sound.
But that I'm afraid of the good.
When you tell me that I'm a leader,
that I'm strong or that I'm going places.
Because I'm afraid of disappointing you.
Because more then half the time
I don't see what you see.
I don't see strong young women who
has her life straightened out
but a little girl who is so scared
of taking the wrong step
and going tumbling down a
cliff.

What if I told you that my biggest fear is not being who I am?
That I'm going to wake up one morning and not
have the ability to do what I do.
That suddenly I wont be able to write anymore
because my w-words no l-l-on-on-ger flow.
Or that I cant read,
every letter jumbling around with the next,
Or may that I can no longer enjoy music.
It has all become white noise in the background.
A ringing in my ears that I
cant seem to stop.
And no matter how hard I try
it's gone.
The words. The worlds. The music.

What if I told you that my biggest fear is finding a husband?
Finding someone who is just as strange, just as weird and just like me.
Because it would be then that I know I'm worthy of at least one persons love.
I wouldn't have to wonder anymore what it is about me
that others don't find attractive.
And you know, there are hundreds of girls out there
who wonder what it is that doesn't make them attractive too.
All because we label people in this society
Fat. Ugly. Stupid....
This list could go on and on and on.
And I'm afraid of that, afraid for them.
Afraid that they'll never accept and love who they are.
That is the worst feeling.

What if I told you that my biggest fear is not feeling anything at all?
That my emotions are locked in a little box
and I've thrown away the key.
I'm afraid that I might be able to live that way,
because I don't know if I'd be able to live that way
a mindless, robotic being.
And it scares me because I want to feel what others feel,
it makes me feel alive
which in turn makes me afraid
but at least I'm alive.

However, what if I told you that my biggest fear is being afraid?
Redundant isn't it.
Afraid of being afraid.
But that's what I am.
I'm afraid that one day I might have the ability
to step up and make a difference
-let it be in only one life or a thousand-
but that I'm going to be too afraid to
take that step.

Yet, what if I told you that I learned that it's ok to be afraid.
It's ok to fear those hopeless, stupid fears.

Because I've come to realize that
MY BIGGEST FEAR IS not being afraid at all.
See you have to think about what
that country, that WORLD that we live in
would be like if we no longer had to be afraid.
Some might call it utopia
to me it's what true fear looks like.
Because if we don't have to be afraid-
if there's nothing left to fear,
then what kind of world are we living in.
Is it that we are living in
conformity or freedom?
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Old 06-12-2017, 08:43 PM View Post #2 (Link) Critique
LettuceChopper (Offline)
Novice Writer
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 10
Points: 2.83
Times Thanked: 1
Ok so I don't often work with poetry, but I can definitely say that this is a captivating work. With that being said, I would go for more compact sentences. I don't want to cite an example because that would be me telling you how to write, but look at ways that you can be more concise and go for it. Use better verbs as well. You can often find precise verbs for what you want to say, but sometimes it ruins rhythm so that can be a problem. Overall, I really enjoyed your poem, and I encourage you to keep writing to find your voice more.
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