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Old 05-04-2017, 06:11 AM View Post #1 (Link) A Name
ac_writer (Offline)
Novice Writer
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
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A name
Can only have meaning when applied to a person born into the world
And as this person grows older, that name will also grow and develop
Into something that is meaningful, not only to themselves, but also to others
However, the name will lose all of its growth and meaning when the person passes on
And that persons close relations will soon forget about them and that name they used
The name will remain in the void of nonexistence, floating around feeling empty and cold
Growing smaller the longer it stays in this abyss
Until the next person that comes into the world takes the name and gives it new meaning
Bringing it back to life
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Old 05-24-2017, 01:07 AM View Post #2 (Link)
corgilover123 (Offline)
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Hi! I really liked reading what you wrote. I liked the word choice you used, and I liked the way you strung certain words together into phrases. ("The name will remain in the void of nonexistence.") I also liked the poetic feel to this! One thing I would say though is that when I first began reading, this part really stood out to me. "Can only have meaning when applied to a person born into the world." It didn't seem to match the flow of the rest of the passage. You could try rearranging your wording, like "Is first granted meaning when assigned to a newborn, a bundle of new life." But overall, nice work. It's cool how you take something as small as a name and transform it into something worth reading.
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Old 05-25-2017, 01:29 AM View Post #3 (Link)
SerialLove (Offline)
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A name I like the enjambment
Can only have meaning when applied to a person born into the world It feels like there should be a stop here.
And as this person grows older, that name will also grow and develop
Into something that is meaningful, not only to themselves, but also to others Again it feels like there should be a stop
However, the name will lose all of its growth and meaning when the person passes on I slightly disagree with this. A lot of times, when people pass away, others tend to think about them more. So saying that the name will lose growth and meaning seems kind of wrong to me. But then again you are the author.
And that persons close relations will soon forget about them and that name they usedThe sentence isn't necessarily grammatically wrong, I just don't feel like it's truly correct.
The name will remain in the void of nonexistence I like this image floating around feeling empty and cold
Growing smaller the longer it stays in this abyss You might want to add a pause here.
Until the next person that comes into the world takes the name and gives it new meaning
Bringing it back to life I really like this conclusion. I find it rather beautiful
Hey there, so this is my first review ever so I don't expect it to be that good. That said, the first thing that to me here was the fact that you centered your poem. Normally poetry isn't centered. Second thing about formatting would be the fact that you are capitalizing every single time you hit enter. Right now it's sore on the eyes, as well since this poem is all technically one sentence, the only capital letter should be at the end. Other then that I don't really see anything else wrong. Good luck with this poem though.
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