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Old 05-27-2016, 05:59 PM View Post #1 (Link) Orb of Eden
heatherconklin (Offline)
Literary Newbie
 
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Lansing
Posts: 6
Points: 0.66
Times Thanked: 1
“I, Dr. Amicable, am a somatoarian—or you could call me a human doctor. Today, sixth graders, I will tell you how to take care of your pet humans.” Dr. Amicable is a possum. He is all white except for red eyes and a pink nose. The only type of tie he wears is freckled human skin. (If you wear human skin it means you have a lot of money and if you wear freckled human skin you must be extremely rich.) Dr. Amicable came to Fledgling Grove—a school on the Orb of Eden, a planet ruled by animals—to share his knowledge about humans with the sixth graders attending Mr. Feathers' Life Skills class. The somotoarian brought his pet human, Niblets, with him. Niblets is a brown male with gray hair on its body, a mostly bald head, and bright orange eyes. While Dr. Amicable was talking, Niblets was jumping up and down; that's how he shows he is happy.
During the whole presentation, Stitch tried to make the world's largest spit ball. Stitch is a gray cat with dark stripes, emerald green eyes, a pink nose, and a white tummy. He is a C- student and loves to pull pranks. Meanwhile, Butters listened intently. Butters is a light caramel coated hedgehog with brown undertones and hazel eyes. He is an A+ student and hardly does anything wrong. Although they are almost opposites, Stitch and Butters are best friends.
After class, Stitch and Butters walked home together. It was Friday, and Butters was staying at Stitch's house for the night. On the way, Butters suggested that they ask their parents if they could get their own pet humans now that they knew how to take care of them. “Okay,” Stitch replied.
When they got to Stitch's house, they dropped their book bags as they ran through the door and immediately asked Stitch's mom if Stitch could have a pet human. His mom answered, “You better not make me feed it.” After Stitch assured her that he would keep the human alive, Stitch's mom declared he could get a pet human—if he bought it with his own money.
Then they called Butters' dad. He made sure Butters knew how to take care of a pet human and that it would be his responsibility, then replied with a simple, “Yes, you may have a human.” When they were done talking, the two friends went up to Stitch's room and played video games for the rest of the evening—except for a quick break to eat a couple fat, raw, juicy human steaks and a side of milk for supper. At ten thirty, Butters sleepily said, “Good night, Stitch.” Stitch didn't reply; all Butters heard was snoring.
The next day, they went to the zoo. They saw dwarf, chocolate, and red-haired humans. They even went to the petting zoo and got to feed the babies! Stitch and Butters were lucky; the zoo was selling humans, and they only sell them once a year.
Butters and Stitch looked at the sale. Finally, Butters and Stitch found the perfect humans to purchase. Butters' human was brown skinned. It had dark brown hair and bright blue eyes. Stitch's human was pale skinned with auburn hair, freckles across the nose, and deep brown eyes.
The weekend went by fast. “It's Monday already?!” Stitch yowled grumpily as his mom woke him for school. Stitch got up, stumbled down the stairs, ate breakfast, hurriedly grabbed his backpack, and stomped out the door, barely making it to school on time. He met Butters in front of the school doors.
As they walked inside, Butters asked, “What did you name your human?”
“I named my pet human Girl,” responded Stitch. “What did you name yours?”
“Cocoa,” replied Butters.
When they got to their seats, Mr. Feathers, the teacher of the sixth grade Life Skills class, told them that next Monday would be Pet Day. Mr. Feathers is a bald eagle and is of average height for a bird at 5'8'' tall. He is pretty nice yet can still control his class.
Suddenly, Sarah, a gold-coated husky, came up to Stitch and Butters. Sarah is rich. She is so rich she even has freckled skin booties! “I bet you two don't even have pet humans,” she taunted.
“Yes we do,” Stitch snapped.
Butters didn't hear a word of their spat. He was busy drooling over Sarah.
“Butters!” hollered Stitch.
“What?” Butters responded.
“Did you even hear how she just insulted us?”
“She is so beautiful,” Butters said dreamily.
For the rest of the time at school, Stitch was irritated because Butters didn't care to stand with him against Sarah. As usual, Stitch was scheming to pull a prank—this time, on Butters. “I am going to humiliate Butters at lunch,” thought Stitch.
In a couple hours, the lunch bell rang. Butters walked through the line and got milk and two man wings—just the right size. “Mmm, human. I thought only birds had wings!” thought Butters. When he sat at the lunch table, Stitch came up behind him and poured the school's spoiled, curdled milk over his head. Nobody likes school milk, and everybody hates wet mammal. School milk and wet mammal together—pukifying!
“Why did you do that?!” yelped Butters.
“Because I felt like it,” Stitch meowed defensively.
Butters went to the office and got picked up by his dad two hours before school ended. He went home and took a bath. Stitch got lunch detention for a week. He walked home without his best friend for the first time since kindergarten.
An hour after he got home, Stitch was about to sit down for supper with his mom. Then, there was a knock at the door. “Stitch, can you see who it is?” his mom asked sharply. Stitch shrugged and grabbed the small, wooden stool. He placed it under the door and looked out the peephole. It was Butters!
“What should I do now?” Stitch wondered.
“Well, who is it?” enquired his mother crossly.
Stitch gulped, then murmured, “It's Butters.”
“What are you waiting for? Open the door!” his mom spat as Butters knocked yet again.
Stitch summed up the courage to open the door.
“Hi!” Butters said.
“C-c-come in,” Stitch replied nervously. “Aren't you mad at me?”
“I can forgive you. You are a friend, and friends give each other second chances,” Butters reassured him.
Stitch gave Butters a big hug, then invited him to stay for dinner. The two walked to the table. After dinner, they scampered up the stairs to Stitch's room to find something to do. On this particular evening, they decided to get on the computer and find a scary story. They ended up finding a myth on a fortune telling site. Butters read the myth in a mysterious voice:

The one who mistreats
But does not seek
Will fall to hell
But shan't there dwell.
When mind is changed,
Return is arranged.

At eight o-clock, Butters' dad came to pick him up. He said good-bye to Stitch and thanks to Stitch's mom. The week passed quickly, and Friday after school, Butters and his human went to Stitch’s house. The buddies left their humans in the back yard to play and went to the bedroom. While they were playing video games, they were talking about their pet humans, and Stitch asked, “How do I clip my human’s nails?”
“You should have been paying attention to Dr. Amicable. If you really wanna find out, go ask him,” yipped Butters.
“No! I can do without him. I don’t need his stupid somatoarian smarts! I bet I could feed my human pine needles and liver juice for two whole weeks and he would still be fine!”
“That's horrible! Your human is going to puke! It will die of starvation! It will become hostile and bite you!”
“Is that supposed to be a challenge?” smirked Stitch.
“It isn't a challenge; it's just the truth,” retorted Butters angrily.
Stitch decided to take Butters up on the challenge—or, as Butters called it, the “truth.”
By Monday/Pet Day, Stitch's human was already in atrocious condition.
“Tell us about your pet,” squawked Mr. Feathers.
As Stitch took Girl to the front of the classroom, the class was horrified.
“My human is named Girl,” said Stitch. “Everyone thinks it is so hard to take care of a human, but it really isn't. For example, humans don't actually need baths. I mean, if cats like myself lick themselves clean and only need a bath a couple times a year—even though my mom makes me take a bath almost every night—humans shouldn't need to take baths ever. And don’t you think humans should use the litter box like us instead of doing their business outside? I don't let my pet use the bathroom outside. I only let it outside to play fetch and stuff when I feel like it. Girl pees in the laundry and on the floor when there is a perfectly clean litter box in the bathroom, but any time it pees anywhere but the litter box, I shock it with its shock collar, so it better soon learn how to use the litter box, or else.”
“What do you feed your pet?” Mr. Feathers asked hesitantly.
“Pine needles. They're easy to get since I have a pine tree in my back yard. I pour liver juice gravy on it for flavor.”
Stitch wrapped up what he was saying then put his human in its cage and arrogantly returned to his desk.
The class had been told to take notes about their classmates' pet humans. Here are what a few of them observed about Stitch’s: “The human is scrawny;” “It smells putrid;” “It is covered with pimples;” “It has yellow teeth.” Another student wrote, “It scratches its head constantly because of lice.”
Next was Sarah's turn. She walked to her human's cage elegantly, took it out, and walked to the front. Her human was a white female with no hair except on its head. Its hair was luxurious, silky, and blonde and smelled like vanilla violets. Sarah talked about her human's mud baths, its cotton clothes (one outfit for each day of the week), its make-up routine, and its magazine photo shoots.
Finally, Butters walked up proudly with his human. “This is Cocoa,” he said happily. He told the class that his human gets groomed and bathed daily. It is a vegetarian so eats vegetables and milk. Butters said that’s what he thinks is healthiest for it since he doesn't want a cannibalistic human. Butters' human has short nails, is clean, and has vibrant hair. The class concluded that his human is perfectly healthy.
The rest of the day went on normally until after school, when Butters and Stitch were walking home. “Stitch, you should take better care of your human. Don't you remember that old myth?” Butters stated.
“That old myth didn't have anything to do with me; I can treat my human any way I want!” Stitch replied. At that very moment, Stitch screamed. He was falling through a hole in the sidewalk from the Orb of Eden to the Orb of Earth—the animal Hell.
Thunk! Stitch fell into the road. “MEOW!” Stitch screeched as a truck suddenly raced in his direction. Stitch jumped out of the way just in time. Unfortunately for Stitch, that truck belonged to the
pound.
The truck squealed to a halt. “Oh, look, it is a little kitty cat. Where are your tags?”
“Humans get tags,” Stitch mewed, but the animal catcher could not understand him.
The Orb of Earth looks just like the Orb of Eden except humans are in control and animals are not. It is a scary place for an animal. As Stitch got picked up by the scruff of his neck and thrown into the back of the truck (which was cold and dark and filled with scared, sad cries), he realized this must be animal hell.
Every animal was cramped tightly together with no leashes or cages to hold the dogs from the cats. Shortly, Stitch found out cats and dogs are natural enemies on the Orb of Earth. He tried to hide.
Finally, Stitch got to the pound. There, it was even worse. Even though the dogs were in separate rooms, they were still really loud. Full grown cats were put three to a cage, and each cage was the size of a kitten. The cats were so close together that if one got fleas, they all got fleas. Stitch seemed a little too big for the kitten kennel, so the pound workers put him with the full grown cats even though he was young. Stitch's roommates were hostile toward him. In their eyes, he was still a kitten. They thought of him as just an irritation taking up more space. Stitch frequently got in fights with these older cats.
His situation got so bad the workers had to put him with the eight-week-old kittens who had just left their mother. Stitch comforted them because he knew how lonely the kittens felt, but the kittens couldn't comfort him because they were too small and didn't have the same experience of the world around them.
After weeks of being with the sad kittens and other cats finding families to love and care for them, a poor family came in that wanted to see all the kittens and small cats. Stitch and a lot of other kittens were put in a giant glass box with no lid. Most of the kittens hid in the back, but he and a few others were at the front trying to look cute. The family had a mom, a dad, and two toddlers. One toddler was a boy named Aiden. The other toddler was a girl named Caroline. The family played with Stitch and the other kitties at the front. The family chose him! Stitch was really excited. After the sad, lonely, long weeks, he was free!
At his new home, Stitch found out he wasn't free after all. Aiden always chased Stitch. Aiden pulled Stitch's fur out, mixed his food and water together, and—worst of all—screamed constantly. Aiden also played in Stitch's litter box so that Stitch didn't want to use it. Caroline put Stitch in baby doll dresses and bonnets, strapped him down with pink feather boas into a stroller, and then raced him around the hallway, often resulting in smashing into the wall so that the stroller would tip over along with Stitch and Caroline.
Sure, the children might get a little rough at times, but it was constant attention, and it felt good to be noticed after being at the pound where nobody paid attention to him. The mother sometimes would step in to help save Stitch from the children's constant mauling, but Stitch would always go right back to the children.
Stitch slowly began to know how his human felt. He saw that pets trust the ones in charge to keep them happy. He realized that proper nutrition and attention are needed. Stitch also noticed that a pet has to be clean, healthy, and allowed to move where it wants. If these qualifications are met, the pet will want to stay at home and live instead of wanting to run away or die. Stitch wished he could go back in time so he could reverse his selfishness and make Girl happy. Then, the two of them could be together and live happily on the Orb of Eden.
Instantly, Stitch started to get light headed and dizzy. He remembered the myth:

The one who mistreats
But does not seek
Will fall to hell
But shan't there dwell.
When mind is changed,
Return is arranged.

Stitch's whole life flashed before him—starting from when he was a kitten to his first steps and the first day of school. He saw himself become friends with Butters and their getting humans together. One of the last things he saw was his new family on the Orb of Earth. Then it was blank. It was blank because Stitch had a future to shape any way he wanted. Stitch realized, “You can't change your past, but your future can be anything you like.”
In a flash, Stitch was once again on the sidewalk in front of Fledgling Grove—on the Orb of Eden! He ran home right away to make sure his human was okay.
Girl was lying on her side. She was dirty, smelly, and looked hungry. Stitch immediately got to work. First, he fed her. Girl was happy to be eating the best meal of her life: savoury, smoked sunfish; baked potatoes; raspberries from the garden; and, best of all, fresh milk. After Girl ate, Stitch took her outside to use the bathroom, and then they went to the park to play fetch. Following Girl's playtime, Stitch took her inside and gave her a pink, foamy bubble bath that smelled like sweet pea and jasmine. Stitch even changed her name to Rosette.
After Stitch addressed these matters, he called Butters and set up a time to go to a forest to have a picnic where their humans could prance around in the wildflowers. From then on, Stitch and Butters stuck together and Stitch always treated his human admirably.
 
Old 05-28-2016, 08:31 PM View Post #2 (Link)
Shaddix (Offline)
Idea Scribe
 
Shaddix's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 67
Points: 2
Times Thanked: 13
Originally Posted by heatherconklin View Post
“I, Dr. Amicable, am a somatoarian—or you could call me a human doctor. Today, sixth graders, I will tell you how to take care of your pet humans.” Dr. Amicable is a possum. He is all white except for red eyes and a pink nose. The only type of tie he wears is freckled human skin. (If you wear human skin it means you have a lot of money and if you wear freckled human skin you must be extremely rich.) Dr. Amicable came to Fledgling Grove—a school on the Orb of Eden, a planet ruled by animals—to share his knowledge about humans with the sixth graders attending Mr. Feathers' Life Skills class. The somotoarian brought his pet human, Niblets, with him. Niblets is a brown male with gray hair on its body, a mostly bald head, and bright orange eyes. While Dr. Amicable was talking, Niblets was jumping up and down; that's how he shows he is happy.
During the whole presentation, Stitch tried to make the world's largest spit ball. Stitch is a gray cat with dark stripes, emerald green eyes, a pink nose, and a white tummy. He is a C- student and loves to pull pranks. Meanwhile, Butters listened intently. Butters is a light caramel coated hedgehog with brown undertones and hazel eyes. He is an A+ student and hardly does anything wrong. Although they are almost opposites, Stitch and Butters are best friends.
After class, Stitch and Butters walked home together. It was Friday, and Butters was staying at Stitch's house for the night. On the way, Butters suggested that they ask their parents if they could get their own pet humans now that they knew how to take care of them. “Okay,” Stitch replied.
When they got to Stitch's house, they dropped their book bags as they ran through the door and immediately asked Stitch's mom if Stitch could have a pet human. His mom answered, “You better not make me feed it.” After Stitch assured her that he would keep the human alive, Stitch's mom declared he could get a pet human—if he bought it with his own money.
Then they called Butters' dad. He made sure Butters knew how to take care of a pet human and that it would be his responsibility, then replied with a simple, “Yes, you may have a human.” When they were done talking, the two friends went up to Stitch's room and played video games for the rest of the evening—except for a quick break to eat a couple fat, raw, juicy human steaks and a side of milk for supper. At ten thirty, Butters sleepily said, “Good night, Stitch.” Stitch didn't reply; all Butters heard was snoring.
The next day, they went to the zoo. They saw dwarf, chocolate, and red-haired humans. They even went to the petting zoo and got to feed the babies! Stitch and Butters were lucky; the zoo was selling humans, and they only sell them once a year.
Butters and Stitch looked at the sale. Finally, Butters and Stitch found the perfect humans to purchase. Butters' human was brown skinned. It had dark brown hair and bright blue eyes. Stitch's human was pale skinned with auburn hair, freckles across the nose, and deep brown eyes.
The weekend went by fast. “It's Monday already?!” Stitch yowled grumpily as his mom woke him for school. Stitch got up, stumbled down the stairs, ate breakfast, hurriedly grabbed his backpack, and stomped out the door, barely making it to school on time. He met Butters in front of the school doors.
As they walked inside, Butters asked, “What did you name your human?”
“I named my pet human Girl,” responded Stitch. “What did you name yours?”
“Cocoa,” replied Butters.
When they got to their seats, Mr. Feathers, the teacher of the sixth grade Life Skills class, told them that next Monday would be Pet Day. Mr. Feathers is a bald eagle and is of average height for a bird at 5'8'' tall. Up to this point I was wondering if all the animals were actual sized or more human sized. Is this character human sized and most of the other animals actual sized? This is a small detail that could be included earlier on to help create a visual for the reader. He is pretty nice yet can still control his class.
Suddenly, Sarah, a gold-coated husky, came up to Stitch and Butters. Sarah is rich. She is so rich she even has freckled skin booties! “I bet you two don't even have pet humans,” she taunted. Okay. From what I can tell so far, you have a good outline of characters and events. However, instead of saying that Sarah is rich, you could mark that out and just say she walked over in her freckled booties, because you've already stated in the story that this type of skin is expensive.
“Yes we do,” Stitch snapped.
Butters didn't hear a word of their spat. He was busy drooling over Sarah.
“Butters!” hollered Stitch.
“What?” Butters responded.
“Did you even hear how she just insulted us?”
“She is so beautiful,” Butters said dreamily.
For the rest of the time at school, Stitch was irritated because Butters didn't care to stand with him against Sarah. As usual, Stitch was scheming to pull a prank—this time, on Butters. “I am going to humiliate Butters at lunch,” thought Stitch.
In a couple hours, the lunch bell rang. Butters walked through the line and got milk and two man wings—just the right size. But men don't have wings? I undestand this is meant to be a play on words for chicken wings, but maybe instead just say arms? At this point the human parts as food gimmick has been a little over done. Maybe only include one of these instances. Once its shocking, the second and third time its redundant. “Mmm, human. I thought only birds had wings!” thought Butters. When he sat at the lunch table, Stitch came up behind him and poured the school's spoiled, curdled milk over his head. Nobody likes school milk, and everybody hates wet mammal. School milk and wet mammal together—pukifying! A side note, I can only assume this is human breast milk? Maybe instead of describing what Butters is eting, you could describe a poster in the lunch room of a female human with large breasts, kind of similar to the milk posters of cows with large utters in many lunch rooms. This would be a more clever way to incorporate shocking themes into your story, rather than just saying they're eating human for lunch again.
“Why did you do that?!” yelped Butters.
“Because I felt like it,” Stitch meowed defensively.
Butters went to the office and got picked up by his dad two hours before school ended. He went home and took a bath. Stitch got lunch detention for a week. He walked home without his best friend for the first time since kindergarten.
An hour after he got home, Stitch was about to sit down for supper with his mom. Then, there was a knock at the door. “Stitch, can you see who it is?” his mom asked sharply. Stitch shrugged and grabbed the small, wooden stool. If the stool is small, how big is Stitch? If the animals are in actual size, are their houses designed to be an appropriate size and layout for each animal? Or are these extremely anthropomorphic animals? He placed it under the door and looked out the peephole. It was Butters!
“What should I do now?” Stitch wondered.
“Well, who is it?” enquired his mother crossly.
Stitch gulped, then murmured, “It's Butters.”
“What are you waiting for? Open the door!” his mom spat as Butters knocked yet again.
Stitch summed up the courage to open the door.
“Hi!” Butters said.
“C-c-come in,” Stitch replied nervously. “Aren't you mad at me?”
“I can forgive you. You are a friend, and friends give each other second chances,” Butters reassured him. No use crying over spilled milk.
Stitch gave Butters a big hug, then invited him to stay for dinner. The two walked to the table. After dinner, they scampered up the stairs to Stitch's room to find something to do. On this particular evening, they decided to get on the computer and find a scary story. They ended up finding a myth on a fortune telling site. Butters read the myth in a mysterious voice:

The one who mistreats
But does not seek
Will fall to hell
But shan't there dwell.
When mind is changed,
Return is arranged. So I'm reading this as being the very rough draft for a childrens science fiction novel. And this part sticks out quite a bit from the rest of the story because it seems very... creepy? The word Hell I think is what does it. If you want the story itself to be more serious to match this or want to make this more innocent is up to you, I'll discuss ways you can do both at the end of my critique.

At eight o-clock, Butters' dad came to pick him up. He said good-bye to Stitch and thanks to Stitch's mom. The week passed quickly, and Friday after school, Butters and his human went to Stitch’s house. The buddies left their humans in the back yard to play and went to the bedroom. While they were playing video games, they were talking about their pet humans, and Stitch asked, “How do I clip my human’s nails?” You seem to be really rushing the story. It reads as "this happened and then this happened and then this happened and then a week later this happened" and there doesn't seem to be a real story arch happening here. Maybe its about to pick up though.
“You should have been paying attention to Dr. Amicable. If you really wanna find out, go ask him,” yipped Butters.
“No! I can do without him. I don’t need his stupid somatoarian smarts! I bet I could feed my human pine needles and liver juice for two whole weeks and he would still be fine!”
“That's horrible! Your human is going to puke! It will die of starvation! It will become hostile and bite you!”
“Is that supposed to be a challenge?” smirked Stitch.
“It isn't a challenge; it's just the truth,” retorted Butters angrily.
Stitch decided to take Butters up on the challenge—or, as Butters called it, the “truth.”
By Monday/Pet Day, Stitch's human was already in atrocious condition.
“Tell us about your pet,” squawked Mr. Feathers.
As Stitch took Girl to the front of the classroom, the class was horrified.
“My human is named Girl,” said Stitch. “Everyone thinks it is so hard to take care of a human, but it really isn't. For example, humans don't actually need baths. I mean, if cats like myself lick themselves clean and only need a bath a couple times a year—even though my mom makes me take a bath almost every night—humans shouldn't need to take baths ever. And don’t you think humans should use the litter box like us instead of doing their business outside? I don't let my pet use the bathroom outside. I only let it outside to play fetch and stuff when I feel like it. Girl pees in the laundry and on the floor when there is a perfectly clean litter box in the bathroom, but any time it pees anywhere but the litter box, I shock it with its shock collar, so it better soon learn how to use the litter box, or else.”
“What do you feed your pet?” Mr. Feathers asked hesitantly.
“Pine needles. They're easy to get since I have a pine tree in my back yard. I pour liver juice gravy on it for flavor.”
Stitch wrapped up what he was saying then put his human in its cage and arrogantly returned to his desk.
The class had been told to take notes about their classmates' pet humans. Here are what a few of them observed about Stitch’s: “The human is scrawny;” “It smells putrid;” “It is covered with pimples;” “It has yellow teeth.” Another student wrote, “It scratches its head constantly because of lice.” This is a 6th grader? They probably wouldn't infer that the human had lice. They'd probably just say they scratched their head a lot, which the reader could then infer meant lice, or you could say she had fleas, that might fit the theme better.
Next was Sarah's turn. She walked to her human's cage elegantly, took it out, and walked to the front. Her human was a white female with no hair except on its head. Its hair was luxurious, silky, and blonde and smelled like vanilla violets. Sarah talked about her human's mud baths, its cotton clothes (one outfit for each day of the week), its make-up routine, and its magazine photo shoots. Do all the humans wear clothes? Are they naked like animals in our world would usually be?
Finally, Butters walked up proudly with his human. “This is Cocoa,” he said happily. He told the class that his human gets groomed and bathed daily. It is a vegetarian so eats vegetables and milk. Butters said that’s what he thinks is healthiest for it since he doesn't want a cannibalistic human. Butters' human has short nails, is clean, and has vibrant hair. The class concluded that his human is perfectly healthy.
The rest of the day went on normally until after school, when Butters and Stitch were walking home. “Stitch, you should take better care of your human. Don't you remember that old myth?” Butters stated.
“That old myth didn't have anything to do with me; I can treat my human any way I want!” Stitch replied. At that very moment, Stitch screamed. He was falling through a hole in the sidewalk from the Orb of Eden to the Orb of Earth—the animal Hell. Well that escalated a bit quickly.
Thunk! Stitch fell into the road. “MEOW!” Stitch screeched as a truck suddenly raced in his direction. Stitch jumped out of the way just in time. Unfortunately for Stitch, that truck belonged to the
pound. You need to take your time. Describe the transition from Eden to Earth more. DEscribe how the characters are feeling in your story, what do they see, hear, or smell?
The truck squealed to a halt. “Oh, look, it is a little kitty cat. Where are your tags?”
“Humans get tags,” Stitch mewed, but the animal catcher could not understand him.
The Orb of Earth looks just like the Orb of Eden except humans are in control and animals are not. It is a scary place for an animal. As Stitch got picked up by the scruff of his neck and thrown into the back of the truck (which was cold and dark and filled with scared, sad cries), he realized this must be animal hell. So it seems the point or moral of the story, if you will, is animal rights? Or to shed light on animal cruelty? I hope to see you elaborate on this much more, because if so you definitely need to include more of this in your story to gie it more structure. Talk about the awful conditions of animals who a raised for meat, eggs, and dairy perhaps, instead of neglected pets?
Every animal was cramped tightly together with no leashes or cages to hold the dogs from the cats. Shortly, Stitch found out cats and dogs are natural enemies on the Orb of Earth. He tried to hide.
Finally, Stitch got to the pound. There, it was even worse. Even though the dogs were in separate rooms, they were still really loud. Full grown cats were put three to a cage, and each cage was the size of a kitten. The cats were so close together that if one got fleas, they all got fleas. Stitch seemed a little too big for the kitten kennel, so the pound workers put him with the full grown cats even though he was young. Did Stitch change sizes when he came to earth? Stitch's roommates were hostile toward him. In their eyes, he was still a kitten. They thought of him as just an irritation taking up more space. Stitch frequently got in fights with these older cats.
His situation got so bad the workers had to put him with the eight-week-old kittens who had just left their mother. Stitch comforted them because he knew how lonely the kittens felt, but the kittens couldn't comfort him because they were too small and didn't have the same experience of the world around them.
After weeks of being with the sad kittens and other cats finding families to love and care for them, a poor family came in that wanted to see all the kittens and small cats. Stitch and a lot of other kittens were put in a giant glass box with no lid. Most of the kittens hid in the back, but he and a few others were at the front trying to look cute. The family had a mom, a dad, and two toddlers. One toddler was a boy named Aiden. The other toddler was a girl named Caroline. The family played with Stitch and the other kitties at the front. The family chose him! Stitch was really excited. After the sad, lonely, long weeks, he was free!
At his new home, Stitch found out he wasn't free after all. Aiden always chased Stitch. Aiden pulled Stitch's fur out, mixed his food and water together, and—worst of all—screamed constantly. Aiden also played in Stitch's litter box so that Stitch didn't want to use it. Caroline put Stitch in baby doll dresses and bonnets, strapped him down with pink feather boas into a stroller, and then raced him around the hallway, often resulting in smashing into the wall so that the stroller would tip over along with Stitch and Caroline.
Sure, the children might get a little rough at times, but it was constant attention, and it felt good to be noticed after being at the pound where nobody paid attention to him. The mother sometimes would step in to help save Stitch from the children's constant mauling, but Stitch would always go right back to the children.
Stitch slowly began to know how his human felt. He saw that pets trust the ones in charge to keep them happy. He realized that proper nutrition and attention are needed. Stitch also noticed that a pet has to be clean, healthy, and allowed to move where it wants. If these qualifications are met, the pet will want to stay at home and live instead of wanting to run away or die. Stitch wished he could go back in time so he could reverse his selfishness and make Girl happy. Then, the two of them could be together and live happily on the Orb of Eden.
Instantly, Stitch started to get light headed and dizzy. He remembered the myth:

The one who mistreats
But does not seek
Will fall to hell
But shan't there dwell.
When mind is changed,
Return is arranged.

Stitch's whole life flashed before him—starting from when he was a kitten to his first steps and the first day of school. He saw himself become friends with Butters and their getting humans together. One of the last things he saw was his new family on the Orb of Earth. Then it was blank. It was blank because Stitch had a future to shape any way he wanted. Stitch realized, “You can't change your past, but your future can be anything you like.” This is what I meant earlier by describing the transition more.
In a flash, Stitch was once again on the sidewalk in front of Fledgling Grove—on the Orb of Eden! He ran home right away to make sure his human was okay.
Girl was lying on her side. She was dirty, smelly, and looked hungry. Stitch immediately got to work. First, he fed her. Girl was happy to be eating the best meal of her life: savoury, smoked sunfish;So animals and people eat fish in this world? Are fish ust like humans in this world? ARe they an enslaved species? baked potatoes; raspberries from the garden; and, best of all, fresh milk. After Girl ate, Stitch took her outside to use the bathroom, and then they went to the park to play fetch. Following Girl's playtime, Stitch took her inside and gave her a pink, foamy bubble bath that smelled like sweet pea and jasmine. Stitch even changed her name to Rosette.
After Stitch addressed these matters, he called Butters and set up a time to go to a forest to have a picnic where their humans could prance around in the wildflowers. From then on, Stitch and Butters stuck together and Stitch always treated his human admirably.
Okay so I've got a lot I want to touch on but not a lot of time, so I'm sorry if this is brief.

This is a really good outline for a story, but there's a lot of spaces that need to be filled in and a lot of questions that need to be answered. I feel like formatting it into chapters and making a short children science fiction novel out of it would really nice. I think the moral of the story just being that humans should treat their pets well is a little... small in comparison to what this story has the capability to talk about. Animal cruelty is a very large umbrella and this has the capability to shed light on a lot of it. If you would like for me to send you some great sources for research on the subject please let me know as I have a few handy on my laptop from an essay I wrote not to long ago for an Ethics class. If you have any questions for me at all actually, or would like for me to read your other drafts of this story, please let me know. I think it has quite a bit of potential and would love to help you in any way I can.

Best wishes, and welcome to YWO! Keep Writing!
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