One Step at a Time

Elvenscholar · 09-03-2015, 08:22 PM

Please critique.

Verse 1
I used to feel so lost, trapped in the past.
Unaware of the cost, my stamina fading fast.
Convinced it was love that had brought me to my knees,
when really it was fear, a demon I never could please.

Every which way was I tossed, like a ship without a mast.
Intentions bitten by frost, til the dice of fate were cast
by a hand from up above, who gave to me the keys
to unlock a future clear of my emotional disease.

Chorus(1)
So here I am, fighting for today.
I've got a plan and I'm making my way,
one step at a time. One step at a time.

Verse 2
I thought the fight was done but my struggle began anew.
The war was far from won, yet the scars I did accrue
help me to remember the depths that I had reached.
To keep myself afloat, there are lessons I need to teach.

Surrender to the sun, let the light empower you.
You're not the only one, others have suffered to.
Some of them came together after kneeling at the breach,
since then they do devote each moment to beseech.

Chorus(2)
Now I stand, no longer alone.
I'm just one man but I found myself a home.
So here I am, fighting for today.
I've got a plan and I'm making my way,
one step at a time. One step at a time.

RodBlack · 09-08-2015, 03:17 AM

Hello!

Another great lyric that to me had a very opera-esque feeling to it, with rather short words until the climax around the 6th syllable where the note would be sustained considerably before fading back into shorter words for the verses.

This piece has solid musicality to it: the sentences are consistent with one another allowing for the singing to flow seamlessly and therefore it is beautiful.

Only suggestion I would make would be to replace "without a mast" for "with no mast" just to have a better ring to it and follow the line slightly better.

All in all, it was very nicely written.

Cheers!

09-03-2015, 08:22 PM	View Post #1 (Link) One Step at a Time
Elvenscholar Idea Scribe Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Canada Posts: 98 Points: 10 Times Thanked: 17	Please critique. Verse 1 I used to feel so lost, trapped in the past. Unaware of the cost, my stamina fading fast. Convinced it was love that had brought me to my knees, when really it was fear, a demon I never could please. Every which way was I tossed, like a ship without a mast. Intentions bitten by frost, til the dice of fate were cast by a hand from up above, who gave to me the keys to unlock a future clear of my emotional disease. Chorus(1) So here I am, fighting for today. I've got a plan and I'm making my way, one step at a time. One step at a time. Verse 2 I thought the fight was done but my struggle began anew. The war was far from won, yet the scars I did accrue help me to remember the depths that I had reached. To keep myself afloat, there are lessons I need to teach. Surrender to the sun, let the light empower you. You're not the only one, others have suffered to. Some of them came together after kneeling at the breach, since then they do devote each moment to beseech. Chorus(2) Now I stand, no longer alone. I'm just one man but I found myself a home. So here I am, fighting for today. I've got a plan and I'm making my way, one step at a time. One step at a time. __________________ An open mind is power...

09-08-2015, 03:17 AM	View Post #2 (Link) Re: One Step At A Time
RodBlack Literary Newbie Join Date: Aug 2015 Location: Brazil Posts: 5 Points: 2.23 Times Thanked: 1	Hello! Another great lyric that to me had a very opera-esque feeling to it, with rather short words until the climax around the 6th syllable where the note would be sustained considerably before fading back into shorter words for the verses. This piece has solid musicality to it: the sentences are consistent with one another allowing for the singing to flow seamlessly and therefore it is beautiful. Only suggestion I would make would be to replace "without a mast" for "with no mast" just to have a better ring to it and follow the line slightly better. All in all, it was very nicely written. Cheers!