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Old 06-19-2014, 10:35 AM View Post #1 (Link) Filthy Scandal
Georgy (Offline)
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When summer came I got a job at the neighboring farm as an agent of manual labour. Every morning I would get up at five, I drank strong coffee, and walked to the farm of John Ram. I wasn't inclined to harness my truck because the distance to the farm was quite small, besides, it was very dangerous stunt to drive in the state of extreme sleepiness.
One morning Lily saw me from her bedroom window when I was walking to the farm, waving a bouquet of flowers.
In the evening, when I returned home, Lily sprinkled me deodorant and sat down next.
"Why?" I gasped.
"You know, George, you stink of manure."
"I worked on the farm for twelve hours in a row." I replied contemptuously. "I haven't been sitting there in front of a computer but I scraped out damn manure with a shovel instead. Behold " I showed her my palms decorated with red blisters. "
She examined them carefully, winked and said with a grin, "Well, I think the reason of it don't has anything to do with the shovel."
"What then?"
" Don't sweat, George, just kidding." Lily said with a sigh. Her blue eyes were shining brightly under her eyelids vastly toned by dint of mascara. Lily kept watching me with strange tint of sentimentality on her beautiful face.
"Lily," I said. " As far as I remember you don't like to observe me eating. Was not that term "disgusting" that you used, or rather it was "abominable", right?"
"Why flowers, George?" Lily said in a low voice.
"Flowers? Oh, gosh! Mrs Ram's birthday is today, don't you know?"
" And yesterday?"
" What about yesterday?"
"Exactly!" Lily squinted. "What about flowers you were carrying in your hand on your way to the farm yesterday?"
" What? You're spying on me?"
" You put your eye on Mr. Ram's daughter?"
"It's none of your business, Lo!" I growled.
"Not quite so, George, it concerns the prestige of our family!"
" Really? In what way, I wonder?"
" The girl, Berta, is only fourteen, George!"
" I never spoke a word with Berta," I quoted trying to sound as convincing as I humanly could. " I saw her a couple of time from far off. She never approaches the heaps of manure that I'm working in."
" That makes sense," Lily pronounced thoughtfully. "But the flowers. You've been carrying flowers every day." Lily raised her head and glanced at me point blank " Mrs. Ram? Of course! How could I be so stupid? You're courting Mrs. Ram! If Mr. Ram knows he'll kill you on the spot."
" Bullshit," I said with a sneer. "You'd rather write stories on YWO, 'cause you possess an outstanding imagination."
"Fuck your YWO," Lily hissed. " I feel much better on dancing classes." Lily sipped coffee and her lips imprinted charming kiss on a brim of cup. " Well, it's okay if you're going to bang Mrs. Ram. It's Mr. Ram's problem and he is to decide how he should regain his blighted honour."
I was fed up with Lily's chattering and began to fill my stomach with such ardour and eagerness that Lily had to retire to her room.
Two months passed in wink of an eye. Lily had not been bothering me asking about the development of my presumable relationship with Mrs Ram and I was glad that she abstained from touching this "Terra Incognito".
Autumn was approaching and I successfully completed the work on Mr. Ram's farm and Mr. Ram paid me for four months of drudgery one thousand bucks. Lily laughed when I revealed her the amount of my fee. "Mr. Ram cheated you," she said, "but you got some private compensation from Mrs. Ram, didn't you, George? By the way, I wanted to ask you, how could Mrs. Ram endured the smell of manure? I mean that this is not kinda aphrodisiac scent, isn't it?"
"Go to hell," was my answer, and Lily headed for the bathroom.
Oh, how I wish that it was the end of the story! But hell, climax, from your perspective, and bloody fiasco, according to my feeling, came quite unexpectedly.
It fell on my mother's birthday, which brought together all our relatives within the walls of our house.
Huge table was set on the front lawn under the soft rays of the autumn sun. I'm not going to enumerate the names of all those present, in imitation of Thackeray, because the epoch of extended texts has luckily passed, except to say that about twenty people attended: uncles, aunts and grandparents.
All of them gave gifts, flashing fireworks and toasts, drank, ate, laughed, in other words we all were enjoying at a full score.
When black jeep was parked near our house, at first moment nobody even did pay attention.
Only I pricked up my ears, because I knew it was Mr. Ram's car.
Indeed, Mr. Ram got out of the car and made for us, carrying folded motley blanket in his arms.
When Mr. Ram approached the table, all present turned to him and clapped. All decided that Mr. Ram brought a gift to Mom, newborn calf, because it really turned out to be a calf.
Mr. Ram put the poor thing at his feet, and with a fierce look on his face and bulging red eyes stared at the feast participants.
All those present, on seeing Mr. Ram's facial expressions, immediately came to conclusion that he came up with bad intentions, stopped applause and stared at the intruder in the state of stupor and embarrassment.
Calf, very frightened, was lying at his feet, trembling all over, and burying his face in the grass.
"What the hell is it?" cried Mr. Ram. "What the hell your asshole is doing!"
Tom got up from the table and said sternly, "Mr. Ram, try to explain your words, or I'll call the police and put forward the accusation against you for the invasion on the private territory and public insults."
" Police?" screamed M. Ram. " I'll call the police and I'll sue with you."
"Mr. Ram," Tom got paled and snarled. "What happened?"
"Your son, George, has been working on my farm, you know, cleaned barns, cared for cows and so on. Recently one of the cows gave birth to a calf and behold!" Mr. Ram shoved the calf with his foot.
"Congratulations, Mr. Ram with offspring," Tom said quietly. "But why are you so angry?"
" That's why!" said Mr. Ram. He grabbed the unfortunate calf's neck and lifted his muzzle. " Does it seem familiar to you? Who does this mug remind you of?"
All gasped. I jumped up from my chair and was I stunned: the culf's muzzle was an exact copy of my face! Its huge bulging eyes expressed horror and dismay.
"Your scumbag dishonored my cow!" shouted mister Ram and put calf's head on the grass. " And I'm not gonna be satisfied with blah blah. We'll meet in court!"
Above the desk hung a thundercloud silence.
Lily burst into hysterical laughter. "So you wore flowers for a cow?" she pronounced in convulsive voice.
Lily couldn't stop laughing, trembling all over and banging her fists on the table. One of the guests handed her a glass of water.
Mr. Ram took the calf in his arms and went to his jeep. He got in the car and drove off.
The guests were one by one getting up from the table. Having said goodbye they left hurriedly.
Soon only Mom, Tom, Lily and me remained at the table. Mom was crying, Tom sat staring at the empty plate, his hands, cheeks and lips trembling. Lily looked at me with disgust and curiosity and asked, "Well, what is it to fuck cow, George?"
"The same!"
"And..." Lily hesitated for a second. " How did you choose this cow? I mean, there's host of cows at Mr. Ram's farm...or did you choose at all?
" You bet I chose! Do you think I'm an animal? Yeah, I chose that cow because her name was Berta!"
"No!" Lily exclaimed with bulging eyes.
"Yes, the cow's name was Berta and I was thinking of... or rather I imagined another Berta when I..."
" You was thinking of Mr. Ram's daughter?" Lily interrupted me abruptly. " But didn't it occur to you that the cow was humilated?"
" By no means!" I sighed. "The cow was obviously pleased and since she demanded more and more!"
I was tired of talking and began to devour the viands that were left untouched on the table with great appetite of healthy animal ...
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						Last edited by Georgy; 07-09-2014 at 07:43 AM.
					
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Old 06-19-2014, 03:01 PM View Post #2 (Link) Grammar
Lux (Offline)
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Hi there. First off, it's a very descriptive account. You should keep in mind that in order to make the story appealing, you have to use proper grammar and vocabulary. Nonetheless, the essence of the story is good.
"Every morning I would get up at five, drank very strong coffee, and went on foot to the farm of John Ram." I'd suggest following the verbs after " I would get up" in the present tense.
" I showed her my palms decorated with red blisters. " This just seems like a bad sentence structure, maybe the quotation marks shouldn't be there.
"Lily kept watching me with strange tint of sentimentality on her beautiful face." Again the sentence just doesn't fit in the syntax of the story, try using surreptitious and subtle words to describe expressions and feelings because "sentimentality" just seems far fetched.
"I quoted trying to sound as convincing as I humanely could." Perhaps you meant humanly?
I hope you get my point, try to redeem the structure of the story to make it less amateurish but I have to say, the flow is very good!
Peace
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Old 06-19-2014, 03:01 PM View Post #3 (Link) Vibrant and Hilarious
Dalibor (Offline)
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This may be the best George and Lily story yet.
The plot is well-developed, there's some good dialogue between the two main characters, and somehow it helps to never reveal George's actual experience on the farm, because, although we're left to imagine what it's like, we're provided with enough detail to do so - at least...somewhat.


There were a few lines that I did not understand, one of them being when Mr. Ram put the 'calf's head' back on the grass - this made it sound as though the calf had been decapitated, and I don't recall that happening.
I also didn't understand why George brought up YWO as to suggest that Lily was the more avid user of the site - unless Lily does, in fact, go on YWO in real life.
There were grammar errors but, similar to the brilliant and heavily-constructed style of Double Pervert, they just made the story all the more funny:
"What the hell is it?" cried Mr. Ram. "What the hell your asshole is doing!"
Like this quote, for example, which I must admit made me laugh hard, as I was doing for the rest of the story as well.

Overall this was a good addition to an extremely funny and disgusting series, and I hope to see more George and Lily stories in the future.
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