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Old 05-16-2014, 12:33 PM View Post #1 (Link) The First and The Last Pregnancy
Georgy (Offline)
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To tell the truth , I wasn't very upset when I was conveyed that Tommy had been taken to a psychiatric hospital .
Or not, at first I didn't believe it. Yes, I remember now that I even laughed when Mom called and said "Come home urgently!"
"What happened? " I asked.
" Tommy ... " Mom sobbed. "Tommy has been taken to a psychiatric hospital!"
" Nonsense!" I exclaimed and laughed.
" I got a call from the hospital and they want me to come to the hospital immediately. They say that this is a matter of extreme importance. But I won't go there alone. Lily is at home. She's furious. She wants to file suit against the clinic. I can't understand what's going on. Please, come as fast as you can."
No, I was not upset. It seemed just funny that Lily's father had been confined in a psychiatric hospital. Or curious, at least. Yep, that's the word - curious.
I saw my own father only once from aside, so why should I bother about Lily's Dad? Yes, we have a common mother, but if you bake two cakes in the same oven, it will still be two different pies.
You may say " This is a lousy guy, so I won't read it. "
" Excellent," I answer, because the less people know about my abominations the better.
I don't really care whether anybody is gonna read this scribbling.
The main thing I'm really thirsty is to ease the itchy of my festering soul.
So, not only did I not worry about what had happened to Tommy, but more than that , I was happy. That's not a typo, and your eyes don't let you down. I was happy. Not that happy as Moses was when he heard the voice of God from the burning bush, but I was glad enough, you may rest assured.
Judge for yourselves: everything went perfectly when it came to Lily; I tended to spoil everything whatever I dealt with ; Lily got a prize every year at dance competitions, while my novels and stories nobody wanted to read, and all in one voice were saying that my stories were kinda stupid crap; Lily was seventeen, and she had a lot of fans and every month she had a new boyfriend , and I hadn't kissed a girl yet, even though I was twenty two (OMG!); and finally, Lily was a slender beauty, while I was just a fat nasty freak.
"At last," I thought deeply satisfied, "some shit happened to resplendent Lily." Indeed,so far, I had been always wondering why all wordly crap should swoop down only upon my head."
But, of course, no sooner I passed the threshhold of our house than I turned into the embodiment of desperation, suffering, sympathy and empathy. .
When I entered the sitting-room I saw Mom sitting on the sofa with a yellow handkerchief in her little white fingers. Her slim figure seemed stooped too much for the occassion, and somewhat frolicking thought came across my mind " What if she feels the same as I do? What if she has to pretend to be deadly upset by Tommy's isolation?"
"No, no, George," Mom said. " Don't put off your coat, we're gonna go right now.
Lily just finished her agitated colloquy on phone and turned to us.
" I called one guy whose dad is the best lawyer the world ever saw and he promised me to entice his dad to handle our case, and if he does he'll knock down that damned clinic for sure."
"Let's hurry, children." Mom said in feeble voice.
We left the house and got into the car. Lily sat behind the wheel, Mom made herself comfortable next to Lily, I landed my enormous ass on the back seat, which reacted upon such irresistable pressure by dint of creepy lamentations.
We drove fast, and ten minutes later we arrived to the gray five-story building, which was surrounded by a brick wall about ten feet in height.
At the gates, which were tightly closed, a man in white robe was standing.
As soon as we parked near the fence, he rushed to us and asked Mom.
"You are the wife of Tommy Chickenfeld?"
"Yes," Mom got out of the car, and added when we did the same. "That's my daughter and son."
" My name is Jack Archibald. I'm chief medical officer of the clinic, " the man said. "Follow me, madam,your kids should wait here."
"No," Mom answered in worried voice. "I won't go there without my children."
"Madam," Mr. Archibald's face looked like he was eating a whole lemon without sugar and tea. " This is the matter of great importance and demands high degree of secrecy."
" What fucking shit you're trying to cram us, dude?" Lily burst out shooting the lightning out of her eyes. "I'm his daughter and you don't want me to know what happened to my father? Are you crazy!"
" Hold your tongue," was printed on the grey impenetrable Dr.Archibald's eyes, though he didn't even vouchsafe Lily the least measure of his attention.
Mom turned to Lily and touched her hand. "Easy, easy, my girl."
Mom returned her glance at the doctor and said with confidence."I won't move a step without my family. We have no secrets from each other, and all the misery and misfortunes we meet together. Either we go along, or I'll call the police."
Dr. Archibald's face looked as if there was a crawling crab in his mouth.
"Well, if you wish." Dr. Archibald nodded. "Follow me."
He headed for the gate, which immediately opened, and as soon as we entered the territory of the clinic, the gates closed smoothly. We came in the building with barred windows and we followed the doctor down the hall to his office, located on the ground floor.
Doctor's office was a room of fifteen feet long and twenty in width, with two non- barred windows, facing the tiny neat garden. Near the window stood a huge table and next to it there was a couch, on which a skinny pale man with sunken cheeks and hooked nose was sitting. His sparkling eyes were radiating excitement, anxiety, and even panic.
When he saw us he jumped off the couch and said. " At last! Thanks for coming! "
"Dr. Schneerson ," said Dr. Archibald, pointing to the nervous man. "Mr. Schneerson is the chief medical officer of the clinic, I mean the clinic that your husband initially visited."
" It's another nuthouse? " I blurted out involuntary.
" And this is the wife of our patient and their children. "Not paying attention to my remark, continued his representation Dr. Archibald. "Schneerson's Clinic specializes on women's gynecology and pregnancy."
"What?" Mom, Lily and me exclaimed in chorus.
" Do you mean to say," Mom said in trembling voice. " My husband went to the clinic of women's gynecology?"
"That's right." Mr. Schneerson nodded.
" What the hell did he want there?" Mom frowned looking quite incredulous.
" Well," Mr. Schneerson cleared his throat, " He said that he was pregnant."
For a minute the gloomy silence prevailed, hanging over us like a black storm cloud.
Mom put out her handkerchief to her eyes and sobbed.
I looked at Lily, she cast a furious glance at the doctor Schneerson and shouted " Dad never could say so! You're lying! Or you might have him confused with someone else!"
" I'm sorry, young lady," the doctor answered very calmly. " But there's neither lie nor mistake in that case. In fact we have a videotaping, we are in habit of recording all visits. We had many court lawsuits on false accusations before, so we came to the idea to insure ourselves against illegal pretensions of some excessively intellectual women."
" Ok," I interfered. "Suppose, he said such a stupid thing. So what? Don't you think he was just joking."
" Do you know that it costs a hundred dollars just to pay me a visit? Do you really think he paid hundred dollars just for the sake of making fun of me? Strange way of joking. Isn't it? And the most important part of this case is that that's the truth."
"Would you please explain what you just said?" with an acid grin Lily addressed the doctor.
" I feel like I must do it," Dr. Schneerson said. " At first I thought he was kidding.
I guessed he was drunk and was trying to have a good time. I told him he turned out to be in wrong place, and I proposed him quite politely to leave our clinic immediately.
But he persevered and insisted on being tested on pregnancy. Then it occurred to me that he was not drunk, but even worse - he was suffering with high degree of mental disorder.
I did my best to calm him down, I put him to test and left for a minute to call to the clinic of doctor Archibald which specializes on hard cases of mental diseases. Medics arrived ten minutes later and took him to the clinic. About an hour later I happened to glance at the test result which I had neglected before and I was petrified. I could not believe my eyes: the man didn't lie, he was really pregnant. I called doctor Archibald and I arrived here momentarily. We spent a few additional tests and analyzes, and came to the final and irrefutable conclusion: your husband is pregnant, and according to our calculations in three months he is gonna give birth to a boy."
" Yikes! That's pricey! " exclaimed Lily staring at the doctor.
"Shoot. How could this happen?" I mumbled wholly embarrassed.
Mom covered her eyes with her palm, her other hand clutched her chest. For several moments she froze in this position and with a heart-tearing groan she fell on the floor.
Lily and I carried Mom to the sofa.
Dr. Schneerson examined Mom and said, "It's okay. She just faint. Nerves."
A few minutes later Mom opened her eyes, tried to get up and swayed.
"Sit down," Dr. Schneerson supported her arm and made her sit back on the sofa. "About fifteen minutes at least, you should sit quietly."
"Are you sure about what you said about my husband?" Mom looked as if she was trying to grasp at a straw in boiling maelstrom.
Dr. Schneerson looked at Dr. Archibald and then at Mom and said " Had we had the slightest doubt we would never have disturbed you, ma'am."
" How do you explain this?"
" I'm afraid at present we can't." answered Dr. Schneerson.
"Nobody in the whole world can do it before we get some results of the researches which is to be done." Dr. Archibald added.
"Researches?" Mom stared at the doctors.
" Do you think we should leave this unique case without attention? That's the matter of new era of reproduction of the human species," Dr. Schneerson swaggered.
"Tommy doesn't want publicity and does not want to give birth. He insists that he had an abortion."
" Oh, it's very reasonable , " I chuckled. " Who would want to go down in history as a man who begot cryptorchid with three heads and a tail?"
" Look, George, " Lily broke. " Shove your filthy jokes into your fat ass! "
" Lily? " Mom hissed. " What do you allow yourself?"
"But the young lady is absolutely right, " Dr. Archibald smiled gently. " In fact, no time for jokes. And we very much look forward that you will help us to convince Tommy to abstain from abortion because, firstly, an abortion at this stage of pregnancy is extremely dangerous to do, secondly, to obtain million dollars there's no way to avoid the publicity."
"A million bucks ? " exclaimed Lily. "Doctor, can you pursue from this point in more detail?"
"The matter is that the famous physiologist who died in the last century invested a million dollars in the central UN Bank which, according to his will, must be given to a male person who has the nerve to gave a birth to a child."
"Wow!" Lily screamed and clapped her hands. "We have a jackpot!"
"Decent prize for Tommy Piper," I rasped through my gritted teeth.
"Lord," Mom pressed her palm to her forehead. "I can't believe it's possible!"
"And meanwhile, it is absolutely real and reliable." Unctuously meowed Dr. Schneerson. " It is only necessary to Tommy to accept the issue of publicity and give birth to unique child under the supervision of the insurance company, bank and research center gynecology and physiology."
"Now, let's go to his ward and you do your best to convince him to go through all inconveniences for the sake of a million dollars," concluded Dr. Archibald.
The doctors led us to Tommy's ward and we peeped into, the doctors staying outside the door.
Tommy was sleeping on the bed lying on his back and his huge tummy was moving up and down under the white blanket.
We came up to him, and Mom bent over his grey gaunt face. His mouth was opened and his lower lip was shaking slightly as if he wanted to respond to something he saw in his dream.
His thin white sinewy hands were resting on the blanket on both sides of the moving mountains-belly.
"Tommy," Mom addressed him quietly. "Tommy, please, wake up." She touched his hand, and Tommy opened his eyes.
He raised his head and stared at his wife in horror. Having cast worried glance at me and Lily, he groaned and put his head down on the pillow.
"What did you come here for?" he moaned. " What the hell you want here?"
"So that is why you had to be engaged in that damned business trip? You was confused by the state of your growing stomach? Where have you been all this time? And what's happening, Tommy?" Mom cried.
"Yep," Tommy answered in coarse voice. " My belly was becoming bigger and bigger, and finally I felt I couldn't conceal the fact anymore and I invented this shit business trip.
I rented a small and very old house in the outskirts and settled there for a while. I began to feel some movements inside my belly, kinda jerks, pushes and that kind of things, and I was so scared and... and I bought a pregnancy test in a drugstore, and ...." Tommy covered his face with his hands and sobbed.
Mom stroked Tommy's hand, or rather his elbow.
" You don't have to feel in such way in front of us. We are family, you should rely on us and believe that we have a great sympathy and empathy to your position. Doctor Archibald says that you're going to be rewarded a million dollars if you give birth to a child."
"Give birth to a child?" Tommy removed his hands from his face. " What are you talking about? Do you mean I must be a subject of public attention as the most womanly man that have ever existed? Do you mean I must be scorned by all men that l exist on the Earth? Doesn't it occur to you they will make a fun of me? And again, if I became pregnant there must be the reason why, I mean intercourse of very peculiar kind. I must have been fucked! Oh, don't make such a face, darling! You know and the doctors know, and all and sundry know, and I know that you all know that most probably I must have been fucked!"
" Tommy, please, stop being hysterical," Mom sobbed. " Tommy, please, for the sake of the children...."
" Children?" Tommy shouted with bulging red eyes. " What the hell you brought them here for? To make fun of me? Okay, George, I used to make jokes over your tummy, now it's your turn and you may as well laugh at me!"
"But one million dollars, Dad!" Lily's eyes sparkled. "Million bucks, while you're talking about such trinkets as masculine proud. What man, I wonder, would refuse to get such a present on such somewhat vague grounds as a man's pride? What are men supposed to be? They are hunters and defenders who provide security and the wellbeing of their family. Do you think, Dad, your refusal of taking million dollars for your family, actually, depriving your family of millions dollars, would look like you are a real man worrying and helping his family? If you abstain from taking million dollars, all the men on the Earth would laugh at you and call you stupid ass! They would say "He was not a man, because he plundered his own family!"
Tommy's facial convulsions struggled to prevail over his will, revealing severe internecine feuds between different feelings.
Dr. Archibald and Dr. Schneerson, who were listening to the flow of the conversation, sticking their ears to the door from the outside, applauded.
" The girl is more worthy than the rest of the family, I'd say," said Dr. Archibald with evil grin.
"The girl is more clever than all her family, I can tell," Dr. Schneerson nodded, noiselessly clapping his palms.
"Dad, you will buy a yacht! " Lily pursued excitedly. " We will be sailing through the ocean as your favorite pirate Captain Flint. Thou shalt our captain and we will be proud of you. And everyone will envy us! "
Tommy's eyes glistened, he sobbed but it were the tears of happiness.
" Yes, my beloved , we'll go sailing," Dad said wiping the long snots forcing its way upon his chin. "Our yacht will bear the name "Jolly Roger."
" If you wish, darling," Mom nodded looking tenderly at Tommy. "Let it be "Jolly Rogger!"
Dr. Archibald and Dr. Schneerson entered the room, and the latter said with a soft but somewhat sly smile "Sea voyage is beautiful! But to get the money for a yacht you must give birth and admit the TV operators. So, you agree? "
"Yes," exhaled Dad. "Welcome on Jolly Roger! Raise the sails! Full speed ahead!"
Dad stopped and his face looked like it was dissected on halves by sudden acute pain.
"Oh God, I'm dying! Save me!" Dad yelled, his eyes bulging.
Mom terribly pale, jumped to him and grabbed his arm.
"Darling!" She screamed in awe.
"Do something!" Lily turned to doctors and looking at them point blank.
"He's not dying," quoth Dr. Schneerson in agitated voice. "He is going to give birth right now! Leave the ward please! Quickly, quickly!"
We whipped out into the corridor, and Dr. Schneerson took out his phone and made a call.
"Mister Brainwasher? Yep. We have a man who's going to give birth! ... Dr. Archibald's clinic!..What?...No, I'm not crazy!... No, the man is not mad! He got here by mistake!"
While Dr. Schneerson was making several other calls, the group of medics came and right upfront occupied the ward.
Dad's yells were heard all over the clinic.
The police having arrived after the medics, blocked the entrance to the ward preventing the invasion of very excited and curious inhabitants of the clinic. The police let only TV operators and and representatives of Science Researches Gynecology and Physiology Institute peeped into the ward.
From behind the door appeared very white faces of Drs Schneerson and Archibald.
" Ma'am," Dr. Schneerson addressed Mom in coarse voice and cleared his throat. " We have a problem, ma'am. Unfortunately, there's no way to have one of them alive..."
" What are you talking about?
" What happened?" Mom and Lily shouted together.
"He was so longing his future yacht that he began to give birth prematurely. All doctors have come to the unanimous conclusion that either the child or your husband should die."
"I don't believe it!" Mom cried. "Really nothing can be done?"
" Not at all, ma'am, and we're run of time!" Dr. Archibald rasped. "You want both of them died? Whom are you going to choose? Keep in mind that if a child dies, you won't get a million dollars, because the birth of dead child will be considered invalid!"
"Mom!" Lily exclaimed. "Let's choose a child! I promise I'll take care of him!"
"In this case, your dad is gonna die!" I remarked with a grin.
"Shut up, you retarded fatso!" Lily hissed in my face. " Nobody cares of your opinion here!"
" How can you speak so, Lily?" Mom stared at Lily in wild confusion.
"Do you understand that your father will die!"
"So what?" Lily shrugged her beautiful shoulders. "Dad will die someday in any case, but only once in the life somebody offers you million dollars!"
"Stop bickering!" Dr. Schneerson growled. "So, whom you are willing to keep alive: the child or your husband?"
For a moment, all present froze, TV camera staring at Mom waiting.
" Let me have my husband alive!" Mom cried desperately.
"But why?" Lily exclaimed.
"Because I love him!" Mom answered and sobbed.
Everyone applauded loudly and shouted "bravo."
Next moment Dad appeared in the corridor laughing. No huge stomach, no pain at all.
He hugged Mom and kissed her gently.
"Congratulations!" Dr. Archibald smiled at Mom. "You were engaged in the television show named "Million or a Husband?"
" All this was just a joke?" Lily's nose shrinked.
"Yes," Dad replied with a smile. "I was offered to participate in this project and I agreed."
"So all that shit about damn pregnancy and fucking million was fiction?" Lily asked.
" Not quite so!" Dr. Archibald said. " The pregnancy was false, but for the participation in our project Tommy Chickenfeld will get a million dollars! And this is because your mother chose your dad to stay alive, but had she chosen the million dollars, the prize would have stayed on TV account!"
Mom, Lily and Tommy sobbed with joy, and, well,I must confess that here even I let myself a tear.
Here my true story ends. Thanks to those who stood up to the end! Bye!
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						Last edited by Georgy; 05-21-2014 at 08:07 AM.
					
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Old 05-16-2014, 07:44 PM View Post #2 (Link)
Dalibor (Offline)
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Hmm..well I like the story overall.

There were several unpredictable parts which I liked, including the ending.
However, I think the way the characters reacted to it was very unrealistic.

For example, I don't think I ever heard of a sex change being mentioned, and without acknowledging that, how could they possibly just believe the doctors's story because there was "proof" etc?
And would doctors ever just claim that he's giving birth without giving..you know..an explanation of how that would happen?
And the scenario of either the baby or the father's death was excessively surreal for the same reason.

I also think the way Lily was suddenly ecstatic after hearing that money was involved didn't make much sense. Maybe for several billion dollars would one's agonizing discomfort in that situation transform into pure joyous excitement, but for a million dollars?
Same goes to her exclamation: "Yikes, that's pricey!" As if that was above the rest of her concerns

Overall the tension had good and bad parts.
I understand in this case that it couldn't be too funny, but before the story got going I had a few laughs.
George's narration was excellent, but with so much chaotic dialogue there wasn't really room for much of it.
The story itself was Benjamin-Button-like in a way that, well...eventually you would accept a situation like that. But the family's reasons for believing the situation were insufficient. In my opinion at least.

Basically, you conveyed extreme talent in this story (meaning: creativity, wit, broad-mindedness, and several other elements) but it was too unrefined to be compared to some of your previous works
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Old 05-20-2014, 09:59 PM View Post #3 (Link)
emu (Offline)
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Originally Posted by Georgy View Post
To tell the truth , I wasn't very upset when I was conveyed that Tommy had been taken to a psychiatric hospital .
Or not, at first I didn't believe it. Yes, I remember now that I even laughed when Mom called and said "Come home urgently!"
"What happened? " I asked.
" Tommy ... " Mom sobbed . " Tommy is in a psychiatric hospital! " (I think that this implies that he has already been in a psychiatric hospital for a while? But if you're actually trying to say that Tommy has actually just been placed in a psychiatric hospital, maybe you could say Tommy has been placed in or taken to a psychiatric hospital?)
" Nonsense!" I exclaimed and laughed. (You misspelled exclaimed.)
" I got a call from the hospital and they want me to come to the hospital immediately. They say this matter of extreme importance. ( I think 'They said that this is a matter of extreme importance would sound more correct)But I won't go there alone. Lily is at home. She's furious. She wants to file suit against the clinic. I can't understand, George, what's going on, please, come as fast as you can. "( - It sort of sounds like she is asking George what's going on. But if she's just telling him that she can't understand what's going on, maybe you could say, "I can't understand what's going on. Please, come as fast as you can.")
No, I was not upset. It seemed just funny that Lily's father had been confined in a psychiatric hospital. Or curious, at least. Yep, that's the word - curious.
I saw my own father only once from aside, so why should I bother about Lily's Dad? Yes, we have a common mother, but if you bake two cakes in the same oven, it will still be two different pies.
You may say, " This is a lousy guy, so I won't read it. "
" Excellent," I answer, because the less people know about my abominations the better.
I don't really care whether anybody is gonna read this scribbling. The main thing I'm really thirsty is to ease the itchy of my festering soul.
So, not only did I not worry about what had happened to Tommy, but more than that , I was happy. That's not a typo, and your eyes don't let you down. I was happy. Not that happy as Moses was when he heard the voice of God from the burning bush, but I was glad enough, you may rest assured.
Judge for yourselves: everything went perfectly when it came to Lily; I tended to spoil everything whatever I dealt with ; Lily got a prize every year at dance competitions, while my novels and stories nobody wanted to read, and all in one voice were saying that my stories were kinda stupid crap; Lily was seventeen, and she had a lot of fans and every month she had a new boyfriend , and I hadn't kissed a girl yet, even though I was twenty two (OMG!); and finally, Lily was a slender beauty, while I was just a fat nasty freak.
"At last," I thought deeply satisfied, "some shit happened to resplendent Lily. It's not justly thing that all wordly crap should swoop down only upon my head." I did not really understand this last sentence.
But, of course, no sooner I passed the threshhold of our house than (Maybe had instead of than) I turned into the embodiment of desperation, suffering, sympathy and empathy. That is the human nature. Have you ever seen the funniest thing on Earth? I don't really think the last two sentences of this paragraph were necessary.
When I entered the sitting-room I saw Mom sitting on the sofa with a yellow handkerchief in her little white fingers. Her slim figure seemed stooped too much for the occassion, and somewhat frolicking thought came across my mind " What if she feels the same as I do? What if she has to pretend to be deadly upset by Tommy's isolation?"
"No, no, George," Mom put away the handkerchief. " Don't put off your coat, we're gonna go right now.
Lily just finished her agitated colloquy on phone and turned to us.
" I called one guy whose dad is the best lawyer the world ever saw. He promised me to entice his dad to handle our case, and if he does he'll knock down that damned clinic for sure."
"Let's hurry, children." Mom said in feeble voice.
We left the house and got into the car. Lily sat behind the wheel, Mom made herself comfortable next to Lily, I landed my enormous ass on the back seat, which reacted upon such irresistable pressure by dint of creepy lamentations.
We drove fast, and ten minutes later we arrived to the gray five-story building, which was surrounded by a brick wall about ten feet in height.
At the gates, which were tightly closed, a man in white robe was standing.
As soon as we parked near the fence, he rushed to us and asked Mom.
"You are the wife of Tommy Chickenfeld?"
"Yes," Mom got out of the car, and added when we did the same. "That's my daughter and son."
" My name is Jack Archibald. I'm chief medical officer of the clinic, " the man said. "Follow me, madam,your kids should wait here."
"No," Mom answered in worried voice. "I won't go there without my children."
"Madam," Mr. Archibald's face looked like he was eating a whole lemon without sugar and tea. " This is the matter of great importance and demands high degree of secrecy."
" What fucking shit you're trying to cram us, dude?" Lily burst out shooting the lightning out of her eyes. "I'm his daughter and you don't want me to know what happened to my father? Are you crazy!"
" Hold your tongue," was printed on the grey impenetrable Dr.Archibald's eyes, though he didn't even vouchsafe Lily the least measure of his attention.
Mom turned to Lily and touched her hand. "Easy, easy, my girl."
Mom returned her glance at the doctor and said with confidence. " I won't move a step without my family. We have no secrets from each other, and all the misery and misfortunes we meet together. Either we go along, or I'll call the police."
Dr. Archibald's face looked as if there was a crawling crab in his mouth.
"Well, if you wish." Dr. Archibald nodded. "Follow me."
He headed for the gate, which immediately opened, and as soon as we entered the territory of the clinic, the gates closed smoothly. We came in the building with barred windows and we followed the doctor down the hall to his office, located on the ground floor.
Doctor's office was a room of fifteen feet long and twenty in width, with two non- barred windows, facing the tiny neat garden. Near the window stood a huge table and next to it there was a couch, on which a skinny pale man with sunken cheeks and hooked nose was sitting. His sparkling eyes were radiating excitement, anxiety, and even panic.
When he saw us he jumped off the couch and said. " At last! Thanks for coming! "
"Dr. Schneerson ," said Dr. Archibald, pointing to the nervous man. "Mr. Schneerson is the chief medical officer of the clinic, I mean the clinic that your husband initially visited."
" It's another nuthouse? " I blurted out involuntary.
" And this is the wife of our patient and their children. "Not paying attention to my remark, continued his representation Dr. Archibald. "Schneerson's Clinic specializes on women's gynecology and pregnancy. "
"What?" Mom, Lily and me exclaimed in chorus.
" Do you mean to say," Mom said in trembling voice. " My husband went to the clinic of women's gynecology?"
"That's right." Mr. Schneerson nodded.
" What the hell did he want there?" Mom frowned looking quite incredulous.
" Well, he said," Mr. Schneerson cleared his throat, " He said that he was pregnant."
For a minute the gloomy silence prevailed, hanging over us like a black storm cloud.
Mom put out (I don't think there is any need to put a preposition here.) her handkerchief to her eyes and sobbed.
I looked at Lily, she cast a furious glance at the doctor Schneerson and shouted " Dad never could say so! You're lying! Or you might have him confused with someone else!"
" I'm sorry, young lady," the doctor answered very calmly. " But there's neither lie nor mistake in that case. In fact we have a videotaping, we are in habit of recording all visits.
We had many court lawsuits on false accusations before, so we came to the idea to insure ourselves against illegal pretensions of some excessively intellectual women."
" Ok," I interfered. " Suppose, he said such a stupid thing. So what? Maybe, he was just joking."
" Do you know that it costs a hundred dollars just to pay me a visit? Do you really think he paid hundred dollars just for the sake of making fun of me? Strange way of joking. Isn't it? And the most important part of this case is that that's the truth."
"Would you please explain what you just said?" with an acid grin Lily addressed the doctor.
" I feel like I must do it," Dr. Schneerson said. " Like you, at first I thought he was kidding.
I guessed he was drunk and was trying to have a good time. I told him he turned out to be in wrong place, and I proposed him quite politely to leave our clinic immediately.
But he persevered and insisted on being tested on pregnancy. Then it occurred to me that he was not drunk, but even worse - he was suffering with high degree of mental disorder.
I did my best to calm him down, I put him to test and left for a minute to call to the clinic of doctor Archibald which specializes on hard cases of mental diseases. Medics arrived ten minutes later and took him to the clinic. About an hour later I happened to glance at the test result which I had neglected before and I was petrified. I could not believe my eyes: the man didn't lie, he was really pregnant . I called the doctor Archibald and I arrived here momentarily. We spent a few additional tests and analyzes, and came to the final and irrefutable conclusion: your husband is pregnant, and according to our calculations in three months he is gonna give birth to a boy."
" Yikes! That's pricey! " exclaimed Lily staring at the doctor.
"Shoot. I don't understand how could this happen!" I mumbled wholly embarrassed.
Mom covered her eyes with her palm, her other hand clutched her chest. For several moments she froze in this position and with a heart-tearing groan she fell on the floor.
Lily and I carried Mom to the sofa.
Dr. Schneerson examined Mom and said, "It's okay. She just faint. Nerves."
A few minutes later Mom opened her eyes, tried to get up and swayed.
"Sit down," Dr. Schneerson supported her arm and made her sit back on the sofa. "About fifteen minutes at least, you should sit quietly."
"Are you sure about what you said about my husband?" Mom looked as if she was trying to grasp at a straw in boiling maelstrom.
Dr. Schneerson looked at Dr. Archibald and then at Mom and said " Had we had the slightest doubt we would never have disturbed you, ma'am."
" How do you explain this?"
" I'm afraid at present we can't." answered Dr. Schneerson.
"Nobody in the whole world can explain it before we get some results of the researches which is to be done." Dr. Archibald added.
"Researches?" Mom stared at the doctors.
" Do you think we should leave this unique case without attention? That's the matter of new era of reproduction of the human species," Dr. Schneerson swaggered.
"Tommy doesn't want publicity and does not want to give birth. He insists that he had an abortion."
" Oh, it's very reasonable , " I chuckled. " Who would want to go down in history as a man who begot cryptorchid with three heads and a tail?"
" Look, George, " Lily broke. " Shove your filthy jokes in (maybe up?) your fat ass! "
" Lily? " mother hissed. " What do you allow yourself? "
"But the young lady is absolutely right, " Dr. Archibald smiled gently. " In fact, no time for jokes. And we very much look forward that you will help us to convince Tommy to abstain from abortion because, firstly, an abortion at this stage of pregnancy is extremely dangerous to do, secondly, to obtain million dollars there's no way to avoid the publicity. "
"A million bucks ? " exclaimed Lily. "Doctor, can you pursue from this point in more detail?"
"The matter is that the famous physiologist who died in the last century invested a million dollars in the central UN Bank which, according to his will, must be given to a male person who has the nerve to gave a birth to a child."
"Wow!" Lily screamed and clapped her hands. "We have a jackpot!"
"Decent prize for Tommy Piper," I rasped through my gritted teeth.
"Lord," Mom pressed her palm to her forehead. "I can't believe it's possible!"
"And meanwhile, it is absolutely real and reliable." Unctuously meowed Dr. Schneerson. " It is only necessary to Tommy to accept the issue of publicity and give the (no need for the word the here) birth to the unique child under the supervision of the insurance company, bank and research center gynecology and physiology."
"Now, let's go to his ward and you do all(I think maybe you all do would sound better) your best to convince him to go through all inconveniences for the sake of a million dollars," concluded Dr. Archibald.
The doctors led us to Tommy's ward and we entered, the doctors staying outside the door.
Tommy was sleeping on the bed lying on his back and his huge tummy was moving up and down under the white blanket.
We came up to him, and Mom bent over his grey gaunt face. His mouth was opened and his lower lip was shaking slightly as if he wanted to respond to something he saw in his dream.
His thin white sinewy hands were resting on the blanket on both sides of the moving mountains-belly.
"Tommy," Mom quietly addressed him. "Tommy, please, wake up." She touched his hand, and Tommy opened his eyes.
He raised his head and stared in horror at his wife. Having cast worried glance at me and Lily, he groaned and put his head down on the pillow.
"What did you come here for?" he moaned. "Oh, my God, why you came(did you come) here?"
"So that is why you had to be engaged in that damned business trip? You was confused by the state of your growing stomach? Where have you been all this time? And what's happening, Tommy?" Mom cried.
"Yep," Tommy answered in coarse voice. " My belly was becoming bigger and bigger, and finally I felt I couldn't conceal the fact anymore and I invented this shit business trip.
I rented a small and very old house in the outskirts and settled there for a while. I began to feel some movements inside my belly, kinda (kind of) jerks, pushes and those kinds of things, so it occurred to me (what occurred to him?)and... and I bought a pregnancy test in a drugstore, and ...." Tommy covered his face with his hands and sobbed.
Mom stroked Tommy's hand, or rather his elbow.
" You don't have to feel in such way in front of us. We are family, you should rely on us and believe that we have a great sympathy and empathy to your position. Doctor Archibald says that you're going to be rewarded a million dollars if you give the birth to a child."
"Give a birth to a child?" Tommy removed his hands from his face. " What are you talking about? Do you mean I must be a subject of public attention as the most womanly man that have ever existed? Do you mean I must be scorned by all men that l exist on the Earth? Doesn't it occure (You misspelled the word 'occur') to you they will make a fun of me? And again, if I became pregnant there must be the reason why, I mean intercourse of very peculiar kind. I must have been fucked! Oh, don't make such a face, darling! You know and the doctors know, and all and sundry know, and I know that you all know that most probably I must have been fucked!"
" Tommy, please, stop being hysterical," Mom sobbed. " Tommy, please, for the sake of the children...."
" Children?" Tommy shouted with bulging red eyes. " Why the hell have you brought them here? To make fun of me? Okay, George, I used to make jokes over your tummy, now it's your turn and you may as well laugh at me!"
"But one million dollars, Dad!" Lily exclaimed. "Million bucks, while you're talking about such trinkets as masculine proud. What a (no need for an article here) man, I wonder, would refuse to get such a present on such somewhat vague grounds as a man's proud(pride?)? What are men supposed to be? They are hunters and defenders who provide security and the wellbeing of their family. Do you think, Dad, your refusal of taking million dollars for your family, actually, depriving your family of millions dollars, would look like you are a real man worrying and helping his family. If you abstain from taking million dollars, all the men on the Earth would laugh at you and call you stupid ass! They would say "He was not a man, because he plundered his own family!"
Tommy's facial convulsions struggled to prevail over his will, revealing severe internecine feuds between different feelings.
Dr. Archibald and Dr. Schneerson, who were listening to the flow of the conversation, having sticked (I think were sticking would sound best here.)their ears to the door from the outside, applauded.
" The girl is more worthy than the rest of the family, I'd say," said Dr. Archibald with sparkling eyes.
"The girl is more clever than all her family, I can tell," Dr. Schneerson nodded, noiselessly clapping his palms.
"Dad, you will buy a yacht ! " Lily pursued excitedly. " We will be sailing through the ocean as your favorite pirate Captain Flint. Thou shalt our captain and we will be proud of you. And everyone will envy us! "
Tommy's eyes glistened, he sobbed but it were the tears of happiness.
" Yes, my beloved , we'll go sailing," Dad said wiping the long snots forcing its way upon his chin. "Our yacht will bear the name "Jolly Roger."
" If you wish, darling," Mom nodded looking tenderly at Tommy. "Let it be "Jolly Rogger!"
Dr. Archibald and Dr. Schneerson entered the room, and the latter said with a soft but somewhat sly smile "Sea voyage is beautiful! But to get the money for a yacht you must give birth and admit the TV operators. So, you agree? "
"Yes," exhaled Dad. "Welcome on Jolly Roger! Raise the sails! Full speed ahead!"
Dad stopped and his face looked like it was dissected on halves by sudden acute pain.
"Oh God, I'm dying! Save me!" Dad yelled, his eyes bulging.
Mom terribly pale, jumped to him and grabbed his arm!
"Darling!" She screamed in awe.
"Do something!" Lily turned to doctors and looking at them point blank.
"He's not dying," said Dr. Schneerson in agitated voice. "He's gonna giving birth! Leave the ward please! Quickly, quickly!"
We went out into the corridor, and Dr. Schneerson took out his phone and made a call.
" Mister Brainwasher?(I don't think this is a very realistic name, but seeing as this is a very non-realistic story, I like this.) Yep. We have a man who's going to give birth! ... Dr. Archibald's clinic!..
No, I'm not crazy!... No, the man is not mad! He got here by mistake!"
While Dr. Schneerson was making several other calls, the group of medics came and right upfront occupied the ward.
Dad's yells were heard all over the clinic.
The police having arrived after the medics, blocked the entrance to the ward preventing the invasion of very excited and curious inhabitants of the clinic. The police let only TV operators and and representatives of Science Researches Gynecology and Physiology Institute enter the ward.
From behind the door appeared very white faces of Drs Schneerson and Archibald.
" Ma'am," Dr. Schneerson addressed Mom in coarse voice. " We have a problem, ma'am. Unfortunately, there's no way to have one of them alive..."
" What are you talking about?
" What happened?" Mom and Lily shouted together.
"He was so longing his future yacht that he began to give birth prematurily.(You misspelled 'prematurely') All doctors have come to the unanimous conclusion that either the child or your husband should die."
"I don't believe it!" Mom cried. "Really nothing can be done?"
" Not at all, ma'am, we're run of time!" Dr. Archibald rasped. "You want both of them died? Whom are you going to choose? Keep in mind that if a child dies, you won't get a million dollars, because the birth of dead child will be considered invalid!"
"Mom!" Lily exclaimed. "Let's choose a child! I promise I'll take care of him!"
"In this case, your dad is gonna die!" I remarked with a grin.
"Shut up, you retarded fatso!" Lily hissed in my face. " Nobody cares of your opinion here!"
" How can you speak so, Lily?" Mom stared at Lily in wild confusion. " Do you understand that your father will die!"
"So what?" Lily shrugged her beautiful shoulders. "Dad will die someday in any case, but only once in the life somebody offers you million dollars!"
"Stop bickering!" Dr. Schneerson growled. "So, whom you are willing to keep alive: the child or your husband?"
For a moment, all present froze, TV camera staring at mom waiting.
" Let me have my husband alive!" cried Mom.
"But why?" Lily exclaimed.
"Because I love him!" Mom said and began to cry.
Everyone applauded loudly and shouted "bravo."
Next moment dad appeared in the corridor laughing. No huge stomach, no pain at all.
He hugged Mom and kissed her gently.
"Congratulations!" Dr. Archibald smiled at Mom. "You were engaged in the television show named "Million or a Husband?"
" All this was just a joke?" Lily's nose shrinked.
"Yes," Dad replied with a smile. "I was offered to participate in this project and I agreed."
"So all that shit about damn pregnancy and fucking million was a (no need for an article here) fiction?" Lily asked.
" Not quite so!" Dr. Archibald said. " The pregnancy was false, but for the participation in our project Tommy Chickenfeld will get a million dollars! And this is because your mother chose your dad to stay alive, but if she choses the million dollars, the prize would stay on TV account!"
Mom, Lily and Tommy sobbed with joy, and, well, here even I let myself a tear.
Here my true story ends. Thanks to those who stood up to the end! Bye!
Okay. So I thought this was very interesting. Quite a strange story, but good and intriguing. I think the only problem you have is with grammar, but overall, I think everything else is okay. I enjoyed reading this. I found George to be really funny. I felt that Lily was a selfish girl who only cares about money and herself. At first it seemed like she cared before she new about the million dollars. I like how it was thrown back in her face after she found out it was only fake and it was only for a TV show. Lily seems like the mean character that you ALWAYS find in a story, and I like how you depicted her. Keep writing, because you are doing a really good job with it!
  
						Last edited by emu; 05-20-2014 at 10:09 PM.
					
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