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it is what it is and what it should be
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View Post #1 (Link) it is what it is and what it should be |
Scholarly Apprentice
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Somewhere.
Posts: 211
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Edit: just a few things I should point out. This is a one-act/single scene less then 10 minute play. It was submitted to a playwright contest and got an honorable mention. The criteria were the same as stated above, the play must be a single scene, contain less than four characters, and be 10 minutes or less.
First post on this site in a long time. I'll get some critiques in shortly, I promise. This is is the first play I've written, I was surprised by how much I enjoyed the style. it is what it is and what it should be By: OrionRising Characters: Terry: A young man and author Mr. Blake: An older man, a publisher Setting: The play takes place in Mr. Blake’s office where Terry is attempting to get Mr. Blake to publish his handwritten novel. Scene: (Lights rise on Terry and Mr. Blake. Both seated. Blake is behind a desk and Terry is sitting across from him. Terry is holding a hardcover book) TERRY: Well, Mr. Blake, I am here for one thing, to make this book a classic. (Places book on desk.) After a good six months, I bring you what will be my third book published under this company’s name. I have even taken the liberty of editing it myself. MR. BLAKE: (Picks up the book and begins flipping through it.) By golly, Terry, have you gone mad? This is but a mere journal. You cannot come to a publishing company with a handwritten draft! You must at least have this typed. TERRY: (smugly and confidently) But sir, my identity is in my handwriting. Not to mention, the handwriting is clear and careful, essentially indistinguishable from the Comic Sans font. MR. BLAKE: (laughs) Clear and careful, you say— TERRY: (interrupting) Yes I do. MR. BLAKE: You do? TERRY: (crossing arms, sticking chin up, and leaning back confidently) I do. MR. BLAKE: (growing increasingly agitated) Terry, Terry, Terry, you cannot be serious. I’ve always known you to be a great writer, but I cannot publish this, simply because it isn’t typed. I mean, for goodness sake, Terry, your lowercase ‘m’s look like seagulls and your ‘t’s are not holy crosses, but— Terry: (interrupting again, angrily) Holy crap! MR. BLAKE: Precisely! TERRY: I have followed guidelines, I have taken suggestions, and been forced to change aspects of novels which I did not want to change, all because of this publishing company. My novels are the face of the company so this time I will do things how I like. MR. BLAKE: I cannot let you. TERRY: (rises to leave) Then I guess this meeting is over. MR. BLAKE: Wait, wait. We want your novel, only we cannot accept it in this format. Your handwriting is truly atrocious, nobody will be able to understand it. TERRY: Bennett Blake, you have got to understand, that this is not your typical novel. This is a manifestation of life pure of the digital, and thus, distancing, touch. MR. BLAKE: It is illegible. TERRY: It is intelligible. MR. BLAKE: No man could read this. TERRY: Yet every man could relate to it. MR. BLAKE: Not I. TERRY: Have you read it? MR. BLAKE: I cannot. TERRY: Let me hear it. MR. BLAKE: (Rolls eyes and opens to a random page. Using a finger to guide him, Mr. Blake begins reading, slowly, squinting hard at the text.) “Time goes by so quickly,” I say, pointing down at the freeway below us, “that sometimes, I wonder, if it is better to speed or to coast. As I understand it, to speed is to fill life while to coast is to fulfill life. Which is better I cannot say, but neither should be taken for granted.” We sat for a while. (Thinking, Mr. Blake sits for a while.) TERRY: Well? MR. BLAKE: (startled) It’s treacherous, yet… No, it is… TERRY: It is what it is. MR. BLAKE: Well, yes, but what it isn’t is finished. TERRY: It is. MR. BLAKE: What! It is? It is finished or it isn’t finished? TERRY: It is. MR. BLAKE: I’m not sure I understand. TERRY: It is finished. MR. BLAKE: Can you have it typed by tomorrow? TERRY: I could, but then it would no longer be “finished.” It would, perhaps, be overcomplete. Uhhh… overdone, burnt, a piece of toast left for too long in the oven. And, for goodness-sake, Mr. Blake! Nobody likes burnt toast. MR. BLAKE: But Terry, we are trying to sell a book. No one in this day and age will buy a book which is not typed. It must be typed, proofread, revised, proofread again, and revised again. TERRY: (sarcastically astonished) Well, by that time the toast will be nothing but charred ash! MR. BLAKE: We are not selling toast. This is a book and this is a publishing company, not some toaster-oven propped up on your kitchen counter. TERRY: I’ve written and read this book and read it and written some more, and read it again, and revised where revision was needed, and edited out the senseless babbling which I am prone to, and I’ve read it and I have finished. And yes, it is finished. I fear you have forgotten, that I am not trying to sell a book, but share a book, a story, an adventure, a thought or two. But I’d burn this book as crisp as those ashes of toast before I let you, for the sake of money, at the expense of passion and art, sway me to overperfect what must remain overdone by being underdone. (Terry stands, angrily to leave and takes several long, unfaltering strides towards the exit.) MR. BLAKE: WAIT! I… uhh… I will publish it! (Terry, suddenly cheerful, returns to his seat.) TERRY: In its current form? MR. BLAKE Well, yes and no. I was thinking, that, since you insist that your book must be published handwritten, that perhaps we could publish the novel in two editions, handwritten and typed. TERRY: (angry again) Absolutely not. It simply would not work. MR. BLAKE: But it cannot be read without strain. It is a mess. The pure illegibility destroys all meaning in the book. TERRY: I beg to differ. Have you even read the book? MR. BLAKE Yes, only a few minutes ago you insisted I read it. TERRY: You read a paragraph. MR. BLAKE: And that was a struggle enough. Your handwriting is atrocious. No other successful novel has been written by hand. TERRY: I know of one. MR. BLAKE: (Raising eyebrows sarcastically) Do you? TERRY: Yes, the Bible, the Anno Domini Times best seller for 2,014 years in a row, that was handwritten! MR. BLAKE: (muttering to himself) Moses, though, probably didn’t have the handwriting of a monkey. (Mr. Blake flips, slowly through a few pages of Terry’s novel, stopping on some pages shortly to read) MR. BLAKE: Here, this is a perfect example: (Begins reading out loud) “Daddy, what is that?” my daughter shouted from the backseat, pointing at the cement wall of fog rising from the riverbed to cloak the rigid peeks. “That is the mountains missed,” I replied sadly. TERRY: I don’t see your problem. MR. BLAKE: It says “mountains missed” when clearly you mean “mountain’s mist.” TERRY: (Joyfully confused) Huh? MR. BLAKE: You have written here, the word missed: m-i-s-s-e-d, when clearly you mean to say mist, m-i-s-t. Or perhaps… (looking at the text again) it is spelled m-i-s-t. It is impossible to tell. I look at it one way and it says mist and I look at another and it says miss-ED. TERRY: But either way you read it, it says mist. MR. BLAKE: No, one way it says mist and… TERRY: (interrupting) The other way it still says mist. MR. BLAKE: Well… TERRY: Either way it says the same thing… MR. BLAKE: (Interrupting) But it always means something different! (Mr. Blake begins reading madly and becomes deeply enthralled in the book in a matter of seconds.) TERRY: Precisely! When one word does not do, make that one word two! (Terry looks up to see Mr. Blake reading and rises from his seat.) TERRY: (To himself/aside) My handwriting may be rough but it is what it is because it is what I am. The deeper one digs to decipher it, the deeper they dig themselves in thought. Most would not back down from a challenge issued by an opponent made of paper so they read and we wait to see what comes of it. (Lights fade)
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View Post #2 (Link) | |
Freelance Writer
Join Date: Apr 2012
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I critique this as someone who as acted in, directed, and written several plays, and has a small sense of how theatre works.
That aside, with a bit of work it could be a really good scene. It's funny, but isn't trying too hard, and I always prefer things that rely on wit rather than physical comedy. There're some nice exchanges here, and I could picture how I would deliver the lines if I had to say them, which--if I was a director looking for something to put on--would be a big plus, because it means I have a vision of what I want. Though, if I was a director looking for something to put on, I'd probably get turned off by the lack of movement in the scene, especially because Mr. Blake seems to be trapped behind his desk. That could be something I'd just fix with my own blocking, but the scene itself doesn't really lend itself well to movement, and I'd be afraid of that being boring.
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View Post #3 (Link) |
Idea Scribe
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 77
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With good acting, this scene could be very funny.
I agree that there should be more movement in the scene, or at least more energy. Mr. Blake was great (If an old man acted well enough, the "by golly" part would certainly work) What I dislike about this (by the way, if this isn't the first scene of the play, then I'm probably mistaken), but anyway what I dislike is Terry. He's not likeable or funny. Throughout the scene I was on Mr. Blake's side, although it seemed as though we were supposed to sympathize with Terry. He was also predictable other than his holy crap outburst. I pictured him as a pseudo-intellectual with hipster glasses trying to be writer-ish (and by "pictured" I mean it was a little too obvious). Since many writers in plays are like that though, it still seemed professional. Even though this is your first play, you really seemed to have a grip on the style. Apply more imagination to that style and you'll have a great scene. |
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View Post #4 (Link) Wow. WOW. WOW! WOW!!!!!! |
Abstract Thinker
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 37
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I wrote this in Comic Sans because it says that in the play.
![]() You are a fabulous script maker, and you should know that. There are some things you should know though. ~You should introduce Terry and Mr. Blake more. ~To make this a more exciting piece, include a more fun location (for example, a skyscraper in New York, or a Town in California) ~As much as I enjoyed the argument, you should also add more event to the script. By that I mean you could start off with Terry drinking a cup of coffee and handwriting the novel. That was a suggestion- Do not consider it as a must! ~What is the reason that Mr. Blake dislikes written novels more than actual typed novels? What is his problem? ~There is a problem to the script, I can tell. But, where is the solution? It might sound more finished. Great job on the writing, and keep making scripts! ![]() |
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View Post #5 (Link) Impressive | |
Literary Newbie
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Georgia, United States
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I will warn you I am not a professional playwright, but I have had experience in theater and through working with the authors of a few plays. I really enjoyed the script, and good job on the honorable mention. And if you keep at it, your work will only get better.
Oh, and you're my first critique! I hope It helps someway ![]()
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View Post #6 (Link) Why am I writing a title anyway? |
Idea Scribe
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: on earth
Posts: 72
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I really enjoyed this. . . .However--by golly? You gotta be kidding me. I also felt the end part was a little bit cheesy, and rushed. I also didn't like the exposition in the beginning--it was way to obvious, however, other than that, this was an enjoyable read, and quite funny!!
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View Post #7 (Link) I loved it! |
Literary Newbie
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Nairobi, Kenya
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I wish I could write a long-winded critique of this play but I just can't; maybe because I'm still a newbie. But I liked it, it deserved the honour it was awarded.
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View Post #8 (Link) |
Novice Writer
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Earth
Posts: 11
Points: 5.41
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I really enjoyed reading your script, I think it would be very funny if it was acted out. It would be cool if you continued the play though with reactions from other people reading it the book though.
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