Dancing in the rain, rain

Let go of all the pain, pain

Pretend that there's no harsh from yesterday...



Running through the rain, rain

Know that there's no pain, pain

Forget about the harsh of yesterday...



Why can't we all just run away

from the hurt we feel just about everyday?

Where would we go if we didn't have to stay?

What would we do if there was no price to pay?



Crying in the rain, rain

Feeling all the pain, pain

Remembering the harsh of yesterday...



Falling through the rain, rain

Screaming in the pain, pain

Running from the harsh of yesterday...



What do you do when you're full of sorrow?

Wishing there was no tomorrow?

Slowly going down with the beat of the rain?

No umbrella to hide from the harsh and the pain?



Dancing in the rain, rain

Let go of all the pain, pain

Pretend that there's no harsh from yesterday...



Running through the rain, rain

Know that there's no pain, pain

Forget about the harsh of yesterday...



Crying in the rain, rain

Feeling all the pain, pain

Remembering the harsh of yesterday...



Falling through the rain, rain

Screaming in the pain, pain

Running from the harsh of yesterday...



Everyone feels the pain at times.

Everyone's caught in the rain sometimes.

Everyone knows what it's like to go down...

...with the beat of the rain...

I noticed this was very far back and no one critiqued it, so I'm going to try my best so you have at least one person's viewpoint to go off of. Please keep in mind this is my first time critiquing lyrics, but luckily Google exists so I have some guides open to help me. (Oh, yes, as well as a long history of listening to music and reading lyrics ;D )

Spoiler:

Originally Posted by Mimzy Dancing in the rain, rain Let go of all the pain, pain Pretend that there's no harsh from yesterday... (I'm not sure I like that. "Pretending there's no harsh." Of course, lyrics aren't always grammatically correct, but this just don't fit right to me.) I'm not sure how much I like this beginning stanza. You're opening wit a scene (dancing in the rain) but it doesn't create any sort of image in my mind, which makes it flat to me. The rhythm sounds fine. Running through the rain, rain Know that there's no pain, pain (Except they DO that there's pain, because they just let it go in the first stanza...so wouldn't they be denying it or trying to pretend it doesn't exist?) Forget about the harsh of yesterday... What sort of "harsh" are you speaking of? This stanza serves as much purpose as the last stanza, because I still don't feel any emotion or have any idea of what this whole thing is all about. Why can't we all just run away from the hurt we feel just about (These are modifiers, but they don't add anything to the word "every day". And I crossed out "just" because you were one syllable too many.) everyday? Where would we go if we didn't have to stay? (Are you asking the reader or wondering aloud? Because I'm not sure how much like these rhetorics.) What would we do if there was no price to pay? (I don't like this line. I get that you mean "What would we do if there were no consequences?" But I still don't like it. Price to pay for what? I feel like these are lyrics right out of a Nickelback song. That being said, I feel like I've heard these lyrics before. You're throwing out emotions here, but you're not providing us a channel to connect with them, making this a very flat, disconnected piece. Crying in the rain, rain (Why? I get the character is in pain but I have no idea why, which is my whole problem here.) Feeling all the pain, pain (You need to use more vibrant language. I get that you have syllable restraints, but "feeling all the pain" is a very flat description.) Remembering the harsh of yesterday... When you're writing a song, you don't have to just put simple variations on the different stanzas. It really just makes the song feel like it's repeating itself over and over. Three Days Grace did that they recorded their first and second albums, Three Days Grace and One X. Their biggest complaint from fans and critics? They had little to no variation on the lyrics—and even though their music was fantastic, it was almost lost in the lack of variation. Falling through the rain, rain Screaming in the pain, pain (Whyyyyyyy??) Running from the harsh of yesterday...(I thought they were already doing that. Oh well.) I didn't want to say anything earlier, but this just sounds like some teenager song where they're just complaining about their problems. I feel like if this was a music video, there'd just be a teenager with thick eye makeup crying. I feel like this is one of those teenager TV shows you see on TV where they always have drama and pain and whatnot. In other words, I feel like, unless you're a teenager with lots of teenager drama, you would not relate to this song. What do you do when you're full of sorrow? Wishing there was no tomorrow? Slowly going down with the beat of the rain? (This is about the biggest imagery I've seen in the poem thus far. It actually made me happy to see this.) No umbrella to hide from the harsh and the pain? These questions don't really don't provoke me to think about them. If you want to get people to actually think about these questions or ask them to themselves, you need to present a situation or line that's thought-provoking. Dancing in the rain, rain Let go of all the pain, pain (How did they let go? What are they letting go from? I don't understand the change that's come upon this teenager.) Pretend that there's no harsh from yesterday... (Didn't they already try to do this once and it didn't work? These lines sound so similar that they're actually blending in together in my mind. I have to keep going back to the beginning to make sure you didn't repeat what you said. Running through the rain, rain Know that there's no pain, pain Forget about the harsh of yesterday... Now hang on— I'm pretty sure this is an exact replica of a stanza above. Crying in the rain, rain Feeling all the pain, pain Remembering the harsh of yesterday... Okay, now you're just repeating everything. Falling through the rain, rain Screaming in the pain, pain Running from the harsh of yesterday... If you don't have anything new to say at this point, just end your song. It wouldn't pay to keep listeners listening if you're not presenting them with anything. Everyone feels the pain at times. (Eh, I'd say "sometimes", but that's just me.) Everyone's caught in the rain sometimes. (Oh, well would you look at that XD I like this line, too because I think I'm starting to see a connection here. Yesss!) Everyone knows what it's like to go down... ...with the beat of the rain... (Not too shabby of an ending.)

I had major problems with this song. I found myself getting frustrated because there's nothing going on. And, okay, I understand that this is more of a concept song than a story song. But there's literally nothing for me to connect to this.
Okay, but I have a theory. I think what's happening is you're tyring to keep it vague so everyone can relate to it; unfortunately, I feel very disconnected to this poem because you're not showing any true emotion, or something that I can hold on to. You know how everyone complains about Twilight because Bella is basically a frame for any girl to slip in to? You're trying to make sure anybody could slip into this song's skin. I actually thought about that while reading your song. Don't let me think that while I'm reading your song.
So, how to fix this? Make sure if you present an emotion, you present some sort of situation/imagery/etc. (see below) that will make your readers think about it and say "Yeah, bro, I know that feel." Otherwise you'll basically be singing about nothing.

You seem to, at the end, connect the rain with crises or pain or life problems. Yes! Do that! Make more connections like that! And definitely strengthen that connection up too. I didn't even know you were doing it until that last stanza.
Other than that, you really don't have any metaphors or similes or imagery or anything that I can see. I love lyrics that are full of connections like that because, in essence, I think that that's how people connect to the intangible emotion of music, is by visualizing those tangible objects and ideas.

Also, remember what I told you about Three Days Grace and their issue with lyric variation. Throughout the entire song I always thought you kept repeating the same stuff over and over and, like I said, after a while I actually had to keep going back to make sure you didn't repeat stuff.

As far as the questions go: you want to provoke thought, but you don't want to force it on your listeners. Whenever a song asks me a question, I don't even bother to think about it because, usually, they don't present me anything to really get me to think about it. I find that the most thought-provoking songs are ones that don't even ask anything of me, and instead leave those questions for me to find in the lyrics.

There's nothing else that I can say, except your rhythm was in good shape. Don't give up hope! I hope to see your second draft. If you have any questions, feel free to PM/VM me. Bye!

i liked how this started but i do think thats its a little bit repetitive and that you could use more words in your verses. however i absolultly loved the last bit. it was really interesting. just try to fill the song up with different lyrics instead being repetative and also, didnt really get the whole idea of the lyrics. what is it about exactly? it pretty much just said stuff like "cry in the rain" and cant remember the rest but it said that sort of stuff through most of the lyrics and i reckon it could be better than that. hope this helped, if you have any questions or i missed something in this critique then just ask and i will go over it

I do quite like this song as I can see a wealth of potential for it but if I were you I would maybe think about expanding your verses and giving them a bit more of direction as when I read it I struggled to find and follow the story behind. also id think about changing the chorus a bit more as they do get a bit repetitive or think about using it after every two verses but on the whole it is a good song and it does have loads of potential. I hope this has helped