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Old 12-04-2016, 09:47 PM View Post #1 (Link) Beast Island
sarahgerman (Offline)
Literary Newbie
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Heidelberg, Germany
Posts: 7
Points: 0.09
Times Thanked: 0
“We don’t know what it is. It is so strange!” Rich heard someone say. He woke up from the sound of the voice and two gigantic hands that violently pulled him up from the ground where he had been lying, asleep.
Rich was wondering who was talking and if they were talking about him. But never in his life had anybody called him strange, since he was a typically average fifty-year-old American. He was sure that it was not his wife’s voice and what he saw did not look like his bedroom in his nice little house in Illinois.
“Bring it to the main station. And make sure nobody sees or knows anything about this until we know more,” another voice uttered.
Rich looked around because he did not recognize this place. The scary creatures that he could see, standing around him and holding him like a criminal, looked frightening. Were they animals or humans?
Their skin was different shiny colors: blue, green, violet and red. The size of their bodies were the same as his, but some were a little bigger than a human. They had funny faces with remarkably high cheek bones, and they had noses of all different sizes and shapes. Their eyes were extremely huge, almost double the size of his. The creature who had told the others what to do had colossal light blue eyes that seemed to express nothing but emptiness. There was something wild in their appearance. He had never seen anything like this before.
“This is unreal. This is insane. Disgusting.” Rich thought.
He watched them slowly move around him and some were lurking behind bushes and investigating his body with their eyes. He felt incredibly tiny and weak among them. The way they walked was as smooth as a cougar on the hunt; their eyes were focused on him and their steps and moves were made cautiously.
Rich could also tell that the litte machines some of the creatures were holding in their hands were probably some type of weapons. The creatures who held them were the biggest and they looked muscular, serious and very concentrated on him, like soldiers.
Wondering if he was going to die or what they were going to do with him, Rich started sweating and shaking. He could not tell how he got to this place. His brain felt paralyzed and he could not remember what had happened before he woke up.
Usually, he always had dinner with his family when he got home from work. Then, he watched the news and mostly, he went to the local bar of their little town and had a budweiser with his guys. He loved the routine of complaining about how bad the economy was going, how everything used to be better back in the days, and telling stories about hunting trips on the weekends. After this, Rich usually went home and pretended for some minutes to listen to his wife’s complaints about his alcohol consume, which he actually did not care about though. Then he went to sleep until he had to go to work the next day. Since he embraced this life style, he was angry about his unexplainable awakening.
All these wild beings were staring at him as if he was a strange animal in the zoo, although they were the colored beasts. Desperately, he looked around, hoping to find a normal, human being soon, so he could find out more about his situation.
All he could see were some trees and snow everywhere. It was freezing outside, but the adrenaline in his body kept him warm. Since he was in shock, he did not manage to recognize any detail that could have helped him figure out where he was.
He was put into a vehicle that was being pulled by four creatures. The two creatures, one violet and one red, who had taken him by his shoulders in the beginning, never let go of him. He was treated harshly, not knowing what he had not done wrong and he did not understand why he would be arrested. But he was so unsure and confused by this scenario that he decided not to speak at all, and rather wait and find out more about what was happening by listening and watching.
Also, it would have been pointless to try to defend himself against these beasts, because they looked vigorous. Were they even intelligent beings? They seemed to follow someone’s orders and could speak, therefore Rich assumed that they must have been at least more intelligent than animals. He was intimidated by their size, their coldness, and the uncertainety of their intention.
“I have to keep calm and show them that I am not a danger. They seem to be unsure about my appearance here, and the only way to survive is probably to become friends with them.” Rich thought.
He had learnd in his job in his office that the best way to handle his competitors and enemies was to make them your friends, so it was a piece of cake to overtake their business from behind. Therefore, his plan was to just obey, not question, but just do what they want. This strategy had mostly worked well for him so far.
The inside of the vehicle was small and black. The tiny holes in the doors, that were probably supposed to be windows, made it seem even smaller. Rich was sitting between the two creatures that were still holding him tight, and the vehicle started moving smoothly. Now he got a closer look at his guards, but he turned his head away when one of them gave him a threatening look with his dark brown, large eyes. “Damn, these eyes are daunting!” he thought. The eyes looked at him as if Rich was the creature’s worst enemy.
A feeling of despair overcame him, since he did not have a clue what was happening to him. He wished he was back home in front of his TV, watching football. He even would have preferred to be in his office with his annoying secretary. She was Asian, and Rich thought that the only thing they were good at was their food and doing nails. But at that moment, he would have done everything to see her face instead of these monsters.
Rich’s back started hurting terribly and the pain was coming from one spot on the right side of his back, spreading out into his whole body. He came to the conclusion that the creatures must have injected him something or hurt him somehow. Little by little, he felt his view become clearer, and thinking became easier too.
Through the little holes, Rich got a quick look at the surroundings outside that they were passing slowly. It seemed to him as if war was going on out there. He could see bloody fights between the creatures, attacking each other from behind, punching each other’s faces, kicking each other and some were lying on the floor, probably dead or injured. Rich was wondering why they were fighting each other and why nobody stopped them.

After a few more minutes, the vehicle stopped and Rich got escorted into a dungeon, which seemed to be under high surveillance by thousands of creatures that were all wearing the same black T-shirt and pants as Rich’s guards. “Must be their uniform,” Rich assumed. He was brought into a room and was told to sit down. Of course, his guards stayed with him, standing in a corner and staring at him, as if he was able to do something dangerous any second.
The room was dark and there were no windows. The ceiling, the walls and the floor were painted black and the chair, which was the only item in the room, was black as well. This room made Rich want to cry, because there was no way he could have gotten out of there. He realized that he was caught and he did not even know by whom, why and where. His back still hurt and he was breathing heavily. The uncertainety made him feel like losing control over his own body.
“Enough!” he yelled and got up from the chair. He stared at his guards who did not move, but looked at him, ready to jump at him immediately if he attacked them. “This is not fair! I want to speak to a lawyer! Why am I here? You do NOT have the right to hold me like a prisoner! Not to mention the pain you caused me!”
It was hopeless. The guards did not answer or react in any way. They were staring at him, only waiting for him to get violent, so it was their turn to intervene.
“If I only had had my gun with me, I could have protected myself,” he thought.
Rich sat down, and after a while he yelled again, “Listen, whoever gets to decide about me! You need a reason to hold me here. You cannot take away my freedom just like that. I haven’t done anything bad to anyone, and in case you think I did, you have to proof it! I want to talk to a lawyer! “
At home, he had never had any feeling of insecurity or danger. He lived in a small town in Illinois, where the police took care of little incidents, but nothing bad really happened. He had heard about cruel crimes and shootings and injustice at other places in the States, that people seemed to get very angry about. But that never concerned him. That was none of his business. But now, he was not in his secure bubble anymore.
The door of his cell was opened by a yellow creature that was also wearing the black uniform, but it seemed to be made of nicer material than the others’ uniforms. It also had three heads on it, which made Rich assume that the creature was of some sort of higher rank.
“Do the heads represent the people it has killed so far?” Rich wondered. The yellow beast was followed by a big green creature and a smaller green creature, carrying something that looked like an electronic device.
“Horrendous,” the yellow creature said in a loud voice, after it arrived in front of Rich and was looking down on him. “Where did you say you found it?”
“They spotted it under some trees in the East of the island, sir,” the little green creature said in a servile tone. It seemed to be subordinate to the yellow creature, since it did not even dare look up to it. Its body was small and looked weak and fragile next to the big yellow one. Everything the yellow creature said, it typed into its machine. Rich assumed that this was something like a secretary.
He felt like screaming when the thought came to his mind that maybe there were no other human beings but him on that island. Maybe this was why they treated him like an alien.
“Where are you from?” the yellow creature addressed Rich. His longing to find out more about them made Rich cooperate and answer, “I am from America. Do you know where that is?”
The creatures looked at each other and the little green one typed fanatically into its machine, still not daring to look up though. “What species are you and what are your intentions?” the yellow creature asked, ignoring Rich’s question.
“I am a human being, do you not have these here? What kind of being are you? I’ve never seen anything like you!”
“WHAT ARE YOUR INTENTIONS?” the yellow creature repeated angrily.
“I have no bad intentions. I don’t know how I got here and I don’t know anything about you. Do you not know the United States of America? Do you not know human beings? Where am I?” Richard asked, and his voice got higher and louder with every word.
All the creatures in the room stared at him, but did not say a word. The sound of the typing of the little green creature made him even more nervous. They seemed to know as much about him as Rich knew about them. He remembered them saying “We don’t know what it is. It is so strange!”
When the yellow creature turned towards the door, the other two followed it and the three of them were about to leave the room.
“Wait!” Rich yelled and ran towards the creatures leaving the room. But the two guards immediately grabbed him by his arms again so he could not even get close to them. They had stopped and looked back to him.
“I answered your questions, so you have to answer mine! I don’t know where the hell I am! At least tell me where I am!”
The little green creature now looked at him for the first time, and Rich could see sympathy in its eyes. He felt like it would have liked to say something, but it was not allowed to.
“Do you see that?” the yellow creature asked the big green one. “Do you see that look that our little one is giving it? Do you feel bad for it?” the yellow creature mocked the little green one. It harshly pushed the little one out of the room, shook its head and said to the big green one, “This is exactly why they don’t work in positions like mine. They are too weak by nature and can’t think straight in situations like these.”

Rich was put into a cell that looked the same as a prison cell back home. They were still held extremely simple, even nowadays in 2016. He sat down on the filthy mattress, which was the only thing in the room. He pulled his knees in and put his head on top of them. Closing his eyes, he tried to calm down, but he could still not stop sweating. He thought about how awfull he had been treated by the creatures, like a prisoner.
“What the heck is happening? This doesn’t make sense! Am I in hell? What did I do to deserve this? I’ve always tried to be a good person. These creatures disgust me. I can’t believe this is happening. I can’t believe they don’t even tell me where I am. What are they going to do with me? Would it be clever to kill myself before they do something to me? God knows what kind of methods they have!” Rich’s thoughts went crazy. He started crying, thinking of his family, his house, his beloved life. He had never had such a bad low in his life. He felt helpless and poor in a country where nobody was willing to welcome or help him.
His cell door was opened, and a large, violet creature was thrown next to him. Rich was shocked and decided to slide into a corner, hoping not to get killed by it. The creature stared at him with his huge blue eyes and frowned.
“What are you?” it yelled, throwing his hands in the air. It seemed to be amused and came closer to Rich. “I’ve never seen something like you before, you’re really strange! Get out of your corner and come over here!”
Rich was tired of being called strange. He was the most normal person in the world, and not strange at all. Ironically, he hated strange people himself. All the people who rejected normal things like eating meat, standing up for the national anthem or just going to church on Sundays. He had married a decent woman who had been able to give birth to their two children. In his office, he did the work that he was asked to do and did not question his boss. He was a boss of some employees himself and he tried to be as professional as possible with them. He lived a normal, quiet life and tried to keep the American values and be a good citizen.
“I come from America, and I am a human. I am a man. What are you?” Rich asked.
The creature smiled excitedly and answered, “I can’t believe it. And you speak our language?”
“No you speak my language,” Rich thought, but he said, “Where are we?”
“We are in prison, my friend. This is the cell where they put creatures they don’t know what to do with yet.”
“No, I meant, what kind of island is this? Where is this island situated in the world?”
The creature looked confused. “What do you mean, ‘situated in the world’. Our island is the world. They must have injected you some bad stuff, you’re clearly a little confused.”
“No, there is more than your island,” Rich insisted. “There’s my country, for example. My country is the greatest country in the world.”
The creature laughed at him, and Rich hated to be laughed at.
“I want some of the stuff they injected you with. Seems to be really strong and a lot of fun!”
“Just because you don’t know it, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist,” Rich said in a sharp tone. He had to repeat this sentence in his head to not go crazy. He did not understand how nobody could know America and the human race. He worried about being on a whole different planet although that was not even possible. How could he have gotten there?
“What are they going to do to me? I assume I am an unknown species to you?”
The creature still looked at him in a fascinated way and answered, ”I have no clue what they do with things like you, I doubt they have ever heard of anything like you.”
Rich felt desperation taking over his whole body. He was the only one of his species and he was all by himself.
“Why were all the creatures fighting in the streets? Is there a war going on?”
The creature laughed again. “No, this is everyday life.”
“How can that be everyday life? This is insane. There must be some kind of higher instance stopping the violence and keeping the justice. They can’t just randomly fight in the streets. That is not going to end well! Or how will there ever be peace?They are fighting all the time?”
“Not all the time, just sometimes when they disagree. How else could they solve their problems? If you want to survive and get what you want, you have to be tough and self-reliant!”
Rich had never looked at it from this perspective. “Self-reliant,” he murmured quietly. That sounded good to him and made sense. The pain in his back returned and he asked the creature what it could be.
“They probably used a defender,” the creature replied. Since Rich looked very confused, the creature assumed that he did not know what a defender was. “Defenders are our best friends. They protect us against any enemy. Everybody can have one so they can feel safer. It’s a great thing! It can hurt or kill creatures, depending on how you use it.”
Rich sighed. Could his situation get any worse? He was caught on an island that was ruled by intimidating creatures who thought they overruled all other species. And on top of that, these creatures had invented tools to kill each other. “Great!” he thought. “Who in the world thought ‘hey let’s spice their fights up with a little more brutality and provide easier ways to kill each other’?” Rich shook his head.
“What’s wrong?” the creature asked and was suddenly kneeling right next to Rich. Its eyes were even more frightening when he looked at them closely.
“God, your eyes are huge.” Rich said.
“Size doesn’t matter,” the creature answered and chuckled, “it’s the blue that is important.”
“What do you mean?” Rich asked.
“Blue-eyed are the powerful and the ruling. Haven’t you noticed yet, little one?”
Rich remembered that the creature who gave commands had blue eyes and that his guards and the little green creature had brown eyes. Rich shivered. “What exactly does that mean for the brown-eyed creatures?”
His cell mate was leaning against the wall and smiled at him. “Life isn’t that good for them. They have to do the dirty work and are submissive to us blue-eyed ones. My eyes are the only reason why they put me in this cell, and they’re going to let me out of here in a few hours. If I had brown eyes, they would keep me in the real prison for way longer for the same crime. I know it doesn’t seem fair, but what can we do about it?”
Rich was stunned. These creatures were true beasts. Such cruelty and unreasonable judgment were new to him. He panicked thinking about what they would do to him, if they were already that cruel to their own species. Tears were running down his face again.
It seemed so unfair to him that just because some of them happened to have blue eyes, they would get advantages. That meant that some creatures were born and already doomed to have a worse life than others, although they had not even done anything yet. “I could live in such a society. I would not feel free.” Rich thought.
“Why is there such an inequality based on a random characteristic like eye colour?” he asked the creature in disbelief.
”It just has always been that way. Some creatures try to change it, but it’s kind of embeded in tradition. It’s just the way it is. That’s how it works.”
Rich became more and more afraid of the beasts. He closed his eyes and tried to think of a good strategy to get out of there.
“I heard them talking about you,” the creature suddenly interrupted his thoughts.
“About me?” Rich asked, frightened. “What did they say?”
“They are uncertain if you are a danger or not. I mean right now you seem quite peaceful to me, but I heard someone say that you could endanger our species.”
Rich was irritated. “How would I even be able to be a danger? I am a little man, all by myself and I have no bad intentions.”
“They don’t know that. They can’t be sure of that. Look, we have our beliefs, our values, our system. And we love it and don’t want to loose it.”
Rich looked at the creature, yelling, “What does that mean? What are your values and what is your system? Nobody asked me about mine. Maybe we even have the same!”
“We love our categories and everything has its order.
“The blue-eyed and the brown-eyed live seperately, the bigger creatures have the say about the little ones, but the most important rule is that our system does not take away our individual freedom.”
“That sounds quite reasonable to me. I mean I don’t have anything against any of this.” Rich claimed and hoped to bond over this agreement with the creature.
”But you don’t really fit in here. You look different and they would have to put some effort in learning about you, your culture, your background in order to understand, and tolerate you. Nobody likes that. To be honest, I guess it doesn’t look that good for you.”
Rich got up and walked in circles in the cell. He was furious. “But I told them I don’t want to cause any harm. I didn’t choose to come here. I don’t want to be here. How are they going to get rid of me? Are they going to kill me?”
The creature’s eyes looked to the ground and it nodded slightly.
“No. They can’t just kill me! Would no creature stand up for the brutal killing of an innocent human? Also, they could use me to learn more about my world!”
“Why would we be interested in your world? We’ve got everything we need here! And believe me no one will know that you’ve even been here when they kill you. A lot of things that happen here are top secret.”
Rich could not say anything anymore. He was terrified, and for the first time in his life he thought about his own death. He still did not understand what was going on. Usually, when he lacked understanding, for example with politics, he just avoided the topic and that worked. But this time, his life was going to end, and he did not know the reason. On this island, there seemed to be no justice, nor lawyer, nor empathy, nor rights, nor respect, nor equality, nor hope, nor life for humans.
His life flashed before his eyes, and he thought about the plans he had made. He was going to grow old with his wife whom he loved for being such a great housewife and mother. Although she had always wanted to work as a teacher, she didn’t. This was so that he could work full time and she took care of the children -- “What a perfect woman I got!” Rich thought, thankfully.
In addition, he had just bought big presents for his children. He had bought his daughter a car so he never had to worry about her walking home anymore. “I just wanted her to be safe when she has to walk through the black district.” he thought. For his son, he had bought a brand new riffle, which he had always wanted. He absolutely needed to give this gun to his son, so he could distract him from that stupid idea of joining choir. Rich had recently noticed some feminin characteristics in his son, and he did not like that. He had to take care of that and bring his son back on the right track.
“I have always been a good father, taking good care of my wife and children.” Rich thought.
He sat down on the floor and began to lose hope. Nothing made sense and the uncertainty about what was going to happen to him almost killed him.
Finally, after two more hours in the cell, the door was being opened and the yellow creature was standing in front of it. Rich’s guards came in and grabbed him, as usual, and escorted him out of the cell.
“What is happening?” he shouted at the yellow creature. “You owe me an explanation!”
The creature focused its enormous eyes on him and said, “Nothing bad is happening. You have to understand that we have to do our job and protect our country and our creatures.”
“That’s okay,” Richard replied. “I am going to cooperate in every way. I will do anything you want me to. ” Although the creatures words were nice, this made him nervous. It alsmost sounded like it was apologizing or explaining for what was going to happen.
”You can trust me eventhough I am human. I mean humans are great too and I can teach you everything about humanity and our human rights, and this must be very interesting for you. Just because I am human doesn’t mean we cannot work together.” Rich whimpered with tears in his eyes. He tried to convince the beast that he was valuable to them, so they would not kill him.
The creature gave him a weak smile. “Yes, you are human. And that is just not the way you’re supposed to be. That’s not our way.” Then, the creature adressed the others and said, “Get it done quickly.” Rich was perplexed by its words.
The creatures walked with Rich through many cold, black hallways and crossed a yard between two buildings. Marching through the yard, Rich was happy to breathe in the fresh air that was bitter cold. He knew it would hurt his throat, but it felt pleasant for a moment and he did not care. Snow seemed to have frozen all life that used to be there. The trees looked naked, the grass was covered in white and no animal was to be seen. They must have fled to other, warmer areas to survive and leave all this behind; if they wanted or not, because winter would have killed them.
He tried to get a look at the world that was not part of the prison. Behind a fence, he could spot a huge mountain of waste. In the street right next to it, Rich saw empty bottles, plastic bags, left overs and other waste lying around. “These beasts are not taking care of their environment,” he thought. But he was not surprised, since he did not expect better of these animal-like monsters who didn’t even take care of each other.
They entered another building and the guards brought Rich into a room where he was sat on a chair again. But this time, they tied his hands, his feet and his head to the chair, so that he could not make a move anymore.
Rich knew that he was about to die and never had he been more frightened. He closed his eyes and could hear a loud bang.

Rich woke up. “Oh my god!” he yelled.
“What’s wrong, honey?” his wife asked. “Look how sweaty you are! Did you have a nightmare?”
Rich could not believe it. His nightmare seemed so real. “I’m not going to die!” he said and looked at his wife.
“I wouldn’t say that.” she replied and looked at him like he was crazy. “I mean we all have to one day.”
“I mean not right now. I’m not going to be killed by the monsters!” he said happily.
“Sounds like a really crazy dream,” his wife said while he was getting up and walking towards the bathroom. He took a cold shower and got dressed as every morning. But this time, he enjoyed every second of it.
“You know,” he told his wife at breakfast, “This place in my nightmare was awful. It was an island full of monsters. I am so glad it was just a dream. The creatures were horendous. They classified each other by the color of their eyes, and some of them were oppressed just because they had brown eyes! Also, they owned these machines called “defenders”, which enabled them to kill each other more easily. They all fought on the streets against each other and called this vigilantism their right of freedom! It was brutal! No one stopped them, no police or anything. And the physically smaller and weaker were dominated by the stronger ones, just because they had the physical strength given by mother nature. The smaller were restricted to certain jobs and had no say. These beasts didn’t care about my life, about each other, or about their environment. You might think they would have been interested in where I came from. But no, they didn’t care. They just wanted to destroy me, because they could not accept that I am different than them! Can you imagine?”
His wife looked at him and laughed, like the monster in the cell had laughed at him. “Yes I can. To me that doesn’t sound like you’ve been that far away from home, honey.”
That was when it hit Rich, and he was never to be happy again.
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Old 12-26-2016, 04:13 AM View Post #2 (Link) Beast Island: Praises and Criticism
hellopeople125 (Offline)
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Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Shanghai, China
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I do want to state that this story is quite interesting. Not many stories contain a frame story with this nightmare being the inner frame of it. The stereotype for those who have brown eyes also describes the society and lifestyle for those colored people in their world.You also contained many adjectives to describe these muscular colored men, which is good!

Though I enjoyed "Beast Island", I do have some criticism towards this story. I was expecting Rich's personality to change, or Rich doing something kind to his secretary, but he was just unhappy towards his own wife. I felt as if the story was incomplete. What happened to Rich after his nightmare? What changed him? Nightmares are truly scary, but they should mean something! I also thought that this story was under "Novels", due to the number of chapters that you've shown.

You could improve this story by writing more over what occurred after his nightmare, fixing spelling mistakes, and giving a name for those chapters (instead of giving them a number!).

Overall, your story is well made. Keep it up!
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Old 01-02-2017, 01:52 PM View Post #3 (Link) This post is a reply - don't critique it
sarahgerman (Offline)
Literary Newbie
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Heidelberg, Germany
Posts: 7
Points: 0.09
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Thank you so much for reading my story and commenting! Appreciate it a lot!

I agree, there would be so much one could write about how the dream has changed
But I didn't do that on purpose cause I wanted the reader to see that in spite of his
scary dream and this experience, he is too blind to see the parallels in his life and
our society; that is my message. We see the problems in our world but don't change
anything about it.

Thanks again!!!
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