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Old 12-26-2016, 04:27 AM View Post #1 (Link) Communication is a Frustration
hellopeople125 (Offline)
Literary Newbie
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Shanghai, China
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Everyone thinks of communication as exchanging information between people. Though I agree with this statement, I do want to state that its not 100% correct. People have their own way of communicating, but it can be rather frustrating. Humans around the world have different languages, gestures, and more! And those things are what I've done on this particular day.
On December 20th 2016 I headed to room B209 in order to attend a tutorial. Since there would be 30-40 students attending, I had to save myself a seat.The students were scattering around, tossing their backpacks onto chairs, with desks being maneuvered towards the front. Along the way, a friend of mine named App was also attending, so I had to save another seat for her too. And 1 minute before she came, a confused student wandered around the classroom and, without any hesitation, plopped right onto the seat I saved for App.
In order for him to choose another seat, I politely asked him, "Hello, can you please switch to another seat?". That's when the student turned around with his head tilted sideways, and replied with a "Huh?" I grew angry and wanted to yell at him, but I obviously knew that wouldn't solve a thing. Instead, I spoke in Chinese, "你可以换个座位吗?" When he had the same reply as before, I became irritated and, out of the ordinary, I shrieked in my terrible Spanish "Asiento!", meaning "seat". At the end, he shook his head, leaving App to sit down on the cold bare floor.
Now, this story isn't used to criticize the student who sat down in App's seat. Nor was it used to indicate how bad I felt for App. The story shows how communication leads to some problems of not hearing well, misunderstanding, etc. Though everyone communicates with one another, not everyone can understand each other perfectly.
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Old 12-27-2016, 12:39 PM View Post #2 (Link) This post is a reply - don't critique it
hellopeople125 (Offline)
Literary Newbie
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Shanghai, China
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Originally Posted by GarimaLilGenie View Post
I understood the message you wanted to give and I really appreciate it.But, you have to write a proper story not so short passage. otherwise, I liked it very much. your way of executing it can improve a little bit.
Thank you! I'll do my best on improving my short story!
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Old 01-17-2017, 05:28 PM View Post #3 (Link) Length
Tara.Luster83 (Offline)
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Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Oklahoma
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Maybe you should work on expanding and exploding moments. Describe something outside of the conversation. I think this would add much needed detail to help draw in the audience as well as make it longer than just a few short breaths. I think you should also work on your diction. Using little, overused words won't help your writing. Try to use a thesaurus next time. That should help add depth to the meaning of your writing.
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Old 05-09-2018, 05:23 PM View Post #4 (Link) Critic
WordWizard (Offline)
Abstract Thinker
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 25
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I would agree that it should be expanded and combining sentences would be beneficial
My favorite authors are

Dan Brown

Daniel O'Malley

J.K. Rowling

(A proud Slytherpuff!)
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Old 06-17-2018, 06:02 AM View Post #5 (Link)
hmemcpy (Offline)
Novice Writer
Join Date: May 2018
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I would've been interested in the what was going on this guy when you were trying to get out of your friends seat.
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