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Old 08-29-2014, 09:58 PM View Post #1 (Link) A Nerd Girl's Life Chapter 2
Sarahd_432 (Offline)
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After English, the day went by quickly. I was eager to finally get to lunch because I swear my stomach was growling louder than a T-Rex! I walked through the cafeteria, shoving anyone who already didn't clear the way at the sight of me. I made my way, striding confidently to my table near the back of the room. I picked this spot for a reason, and that was because it was far away from the populars and everyone else.

As I came to the table, I saw my two best friends already seated, saving me a spot. I took a seat by Mo, who was currently devouring her chicken nuggets. She was the kind of girl that no one would ever mess with. Someone I would consider a tomboy with a bad ass essence. Her dirty blonde hair was pulled back into a messy bun with strands of it falling across her face.

"Geez, Mo, hungry much?" Aaron asked, completely disgusted. Mo just stuck her tongue out, flashing her chewed food.

Aaron cringed, soon turning his attention back to the script in his hands. Aaron was apart of drama club and was auditioning for a main role in the play. He had messy chocolate colored hair that brushed his ear lobes and ocean blue eyes. He has been my best friend since elementary school. People always say we should get together, but there's a teensy detail they don't get. Aaron's gay. We support him and all, but of course it's funny when he has a crush on the same celebrities I do.

Picking at the pizza in front of me, I gazed toward the Popular table. The Tweedles were having a food fight, and the Prissy Pack was either gossiping, or jutting their chests out trying to impress the guys. Katie, of course, was talking with everyone at the table being social as she was. She caught me staring and waved enthusiastically. I rolled my eyes and looked away. This reminded me that I was assigned to her agian... Hooray!

I was distracted by my thoughts when Mo tugged harshly on my arm.

"Come on! We are going to be late for class!" she shouted as she pulled me to Science.

Later on

Laying in bed, I finished up my Advanced Algebra homework while listening to my favorite band: My Chemical Romance. I listened mostly to Alternative and Indie Rock, bands that actually had good music instead of the trash called pop. I shared a room with another girl from the foster home, but she really wanted nothing to do with me and was hardly here anyways.

After awhile, I started to get hungry (big surprise there) and headed down stairs to end my famine. Darlene was in her office with a patient. (She was a psychiatrist which was bad for me. She always thought I had problems.) I started to make a PB&J humming the song Peanut Butter Jelly Time. Soon the small humming turned into in all out performance when the phone rang.

Groaning, I ambled over to the house phone. This had better be good for interrupting my amazing dance number. I picked up the phone.

"Hello?" I asked unenthusiastically.

"Hey, Beatrice! It's Katie! I'm calling about the project. I'm thinking you should come over this weekend so we could discuss it," a bubbly voice said into the phone. I groaned inwardly, and tried to come up with some excuse.

"Um... thanks for the offer but... ah I don't think that would work," I mumbled hoping she could take a hint.

"Oh, well, I could always go to your house," she answered. I bit my lip, there was no way to tell this girl no! And I quickly came to decision it was best if she didn't come here. The last thing I needed was for everyone to know that I had no parents.

"Uh... actually your place would work out fine I suppose..." I trailed off but before I could finish she interrupted.

"Great! I will see you Saturday, Bea!" She shouted before hanging up. I banged my head on the wall. It was Beatrice, not Bea!
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Old 08-31-2014, 01:20 PM View Post #2 (Link) Just needs little improvement otherwise its really good.
gothytomboy (Offline)
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Originally Posted by Sarahd_432 View Post
After English, the day went by quickly. I was eager to finally get to lunch because I swear my stomach was growling louder than a T-Rex! I walked through the cafeteria, shoving anyone who already didn't clear the way at the sight of me. I made my way, striding confidently to my table near the back of the room. I picked this spot for a reason, and that was because it was far away from the populars and everyone else.

As I came to the table, I saw my two best friends already seated, saving me a spot. I took a seat by Mo, who was currently devouring her chicken nuggets. She was the kind of girl that no one would ever mess with. Someone I would consider a tomboy with a bad ass essence. Her dirty blonde hair was pulled back into a messy bun with strands of it falling across her face.

"Geez, Mo, hungry much?" Aaron asked, completely disgusted. Mo just stuck her tongue out, flashing her chewed food.

Aaron cringed, soon turning his attention back to the script in his hands. Aaron was apart of drama club and was auditioning for a main role in the play. He had messy chocolate colored hair that brushed his ear lobes and ocean blue eyes. He has been my best friend since elementary school. People always say we should get together, but there's a teensy detail they don't get. Aaron's gay. We support him and all, but of course it's funny when he has a crush on the same celebrities I do.
This is not descriptive enough. Try explaining a little more about Aaron?

Picking at the pizza in front of me, I gazed toward the Popular table. The Tweedles were having a food fight, and the Prissy Pack was either gossiping, or jutting their chests out trying to impress the guys. Katie, of course, was talking with everyone at the table being social as she was. She caught me staring and waved enthusiastically. I rolled my eyes and looked away. This reminded me that I was assigned to her agian... Hooray!
Nice names for these groups.

I was distracted by my thoughts when Mo tugged harshly on my arm.
Should try to explain exactly what's in her thoughts try thinking of it as you were looking at those tables and thinking.

"Come on! We are going to be late for class!" she shouted as she pulled me to Science Umm... This doesn't sound right. How about "As she pulled me into science class"

Later on

Laying in bed, I finished up my Advanced Algebra homework while listening to my favorite band: My Chemical Romance. I listened mostly to Alternative and Indie Rock, bands that actually had good music instead of the trash called pop. I shared a room with another girl from the foster home, but she really wanted nothing to do with me and was hardly here anyways.

After awhile, I started to get hungry (big surprise there) and headed down stairs to end my famine. Darlene was in her office with a patient. (She was a psychiatrist which was bad for me. She always thought I had problems.) I started to make a PB&J humming the song Peanut Butter Jelly Time. Soon the small humming turned into in all out performance when the phone rang.
To be honest she doesn't even sound like a nerd...or even acts like one

Groaning, I ambled over to the house phone. This had better be good for interrupting my amazing dance number. I picked up the phone.

"Hello?" I asked unenthusiastically.

"Hey, Beatrice! It's Katie! I'm calling about the project. I'm thinking you should come over this weekend so we could discuss it," a bubbly voice said into the phone. I groaned inwardly, and tried to come up with some excuse. See? Not the nerdy type.

"Um... thanks for the offer but... ah I don't think that would work," I mumbled hoping she could take a hint.

"Oh, well, I could always go to your house," she answered. I bit my lip, there was no way to tell this girl no! And I quickly came to decision it was best if she didn't come here. The last thing I needed was for everyone to know that I had no parents.

"Uh... actually your place would work out fine I suppose..." I trailed off but before I could finish she interrupted.

"Great! I will see you Saturday, Bea!" She shouted before hanging up. I banged my head on the wall. It was Beatrice, not Bea!
Try to get into the character's mind. If she really was a nerd try to make her completly one. Make her the nerdiest of all.
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