Hello,

This is a scholarship I have to submit by July 15th. Please let me know of any grammar problems and typos.


The dictionary definition of a principle is a fundamental truth that serves as a foundation for one’s system of beliefs or behavior. In other words, principles are the components of one’s morality. Well-defined principles are essentially what guides one to be a moral human being. These principles are why societies are able to function and people, for the most part, are able to get along. I believe principles are part of what makes people fundamentally human.
There are three principles I believe make up my moral center. They are kindness, fairness, and loyalty. These principles essentially direct me in life especially in ambiguous situations. They make up who I am as a person and are the tenets I abide by. These principles are also important because they are what I look for in people when I want to form a friendship. Many long-lasting bonds I have made are with people who live by the principles I adhere to.
First, I believe it is important to be kind to and care for our fellow man because it helps build bonds with others. Humans are social creatures and programmed to really bond, care, and have compassion for others. People crave social contact and people can only foster any type of social contact, if they behave kindly. Kindness is important to me because it helps builds these important friendship.
Second, loyalty is important to me because I believe it keeps relationships steady. If there is no loyalty in a relationship, then there would be no trust and the friendship would not grow. Loyalty matters in all domains of life whether it is formal or informal. If I was disloyal to my friends or family trust would disintegrate between us and I would not have the close bonds I have today. One must be loyal to the person they care for because it is a sign of respect.
Third, I believe fairness is important because with it is the golden rule to “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Fairness and reciprocity are what keeps society afloat and prevents human beings from being self-interested, hedonistic beasts. This is important to me because if I were not aware of the concept of sharing, I would not have the moral center I have today. I would not come across the ideas of altruism and probably be fixed in my infantile selfishness. In a world full of egocentric, corrupt people I think it helps in the job market to have some level of fairness.
These principles are not only important because they make up my moral center and they are what I base my decisions on. They are also important because if most people have passionate commitment to these truths the world will be a better place for us all.

Spoiler:

The dictionary definition What dictionary? If you cite Webster, for instance, it'll add credibility to your point.of a principle is "aA fundamental truth that serves as a foundation for one’s system of beliefs or behavior." In other words, principles are the components of one’s morality. Well-defined principles are essentially what guides one to be a moral human being Wordy. Can you state this in a more concise and to the point manner?. These principles are why societies are able to function and people, for the most part <--- this weakens your argument. It is important to acknowledge an opposing fact but do it in a way that makes you sound...I dunno...smart enough to realize there is another way to look at it. Hope that makes sense., are able to get along. I believe principles are part of detracts from your pointwhat makes people fundamentally human.
There are three principles I believe make up my moral center. They are kindness, fairness, and loyalty. These principles essentially direct me in lifecomma especially in ambiguous situations This is unclear. I looked ahead and you haven't included an example of when these traits have helped you through a situation. You need to include at least one specific example or it just sounds like bs.. They make up who I am as a person and are the tenets I abide by. These principles are also important because they are what I look for in people when I want to form a friendship wordy. "they are what I look for in my own friends.". Many long-lasting bonds I have made are with people who live by the principles I adhere to also wordy. Be more concise..
First, I believe it is important to be kind to and care for our fellow man because it helps build bonds with others. Humans are social creatures and programmed to really bond, care, and have compassion for others. People crave social contact and people can only foster any type of social contact, if they behave kindly. Kindness is important to me because it helps builds these important friendship. This paragraph is very choppy. Make sure your sentences have variation.Remember, the foundation you give this to will be reading over many other applications and you don't want your to simply blend in. Try to make it interesting for the reviewers. Also, give an example of when you have been kind to someone and how that affected you.
Second, loyalty is important to me because I believe it keeps relationships steady. If there is no loyalty in a relationship, then there would be noFiller words. "there is no trust, and the friendship does not grow." Don't change tenses either. Google "passive tense" so you can recognize it and avoid using it. Whenever you slip into passive tense, things tend to get more wordy and non-specific. trust and the friendship would not grow. Loyalty matters in all domains of life whether it is formal or informal. If I was disloyal to my friends or family trust would disintegrate between us and I would not have the close bonds I have today. One must be loyal to the person they care for because it is a sign of respect. Give a specific example of when you have been loyal to a friend in the face of a challenge.
Third Come up with more interesting transition. "First, second, third" are the most basic, and most boring ones you could use. Entertain your reviewers. , I believe fairness is important because with it is the golden rule to “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Fairness and reciprocity are what keeps society afloat and prevents human beings from being self-interested, hedonistic beasts. How does it keep them from becoming beasts?This is important to me because if I were not aware of the concept of sharing fairness and sharing are not the same thing, I would not have the moral center I have today. I would not come across the ideas of altruism and probably be fixed in my infantile selfishness. In a world full of egocentric, corrupt people I think it helps in the job market to have some level of fairness. Try not to go on a personal rant =] and again, when have you exemplified fairness in a challenging situation?
These principles are not only important because they make up my moral center and they are what I base my decisions on. They are also importantfind another word for important because if most unnecessary word that detracts from your argument.people have passionate commitment to these truths the world will be a better place for us all.

I've written too many of these things so I get what you're feeling. =/

Remember, the judges want to know about you and how you've handled yourself in life. They want to know more about what you've done and less about what you've thought. Does that make sense? Use your actions to support your points instead of hypothetical arguments. Make sure you are using solid proof to support them.

It looks like you have the basic structure down, though. You just need to beef it up with fact and make it a little more entertaining. Try to let your voice shine through, without becoming informal.

Good luck and I hope I helped a little. =]

While this essay might be strictly following the prompt "what principles do you hold in your day to day life and why?", it is too general overall and it doesn't actually give me a good idea of what kind of person you are, what you would be like to talk to, what kind of student and thinker and person you will be as you enter this school or competition or program. There are almost no examples of what makes you kind, fair, and loyal. We don't get to see that you are a kind, fair, or loyal person - just that you are a person who knows it is good to hold kindness, fairness, and loyalty as essential principles. I don't think that schools or scholarship committees want to know who humans in general should be, but who YOU are. I don't think they will be interested in you or believe what you're saying from the very general way this essay is written, which is a shame because on this forum you seem to be at least a fair person, and I don't know you enough to judge the rest. These people won't know you at all, and all they'll have to go on is this essay (or maybe a 2nd essay if they're busting your chops and requiring two).

I would use the same general guidelines as fiction or poetry (which you already write pretty well) when writing this essay. Show, don't tell. Try to evoke emotion rather than name it. Give your readers something to imagine and a person or speaker that they can connect to. Try to illustrate a moment where those principles came through in your life - either through action or through a more lively exposition of your mental, emotional, intellectual wanderings (usually sparked by some kind of action, like an experience of life or art). I want to know what friendships are important to you and about the connection you have with that friend or those friends; I want to know about your loyalty to them; I want to know about a time when you experienced unfairness and rebelled or enforced fairness in some area of your life.