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Old 09-08-2015, 04:34 AM View Post #1 (Link) Will and Amy
Elvenscholar (Offline)
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I've just gotten back into writing in the last week, and wanted to try writing from two different perspective. Please let me know how you think I did, any and all critique would be much appreciated.

As the waitress approached their table, Will glanced back at the menu.
‘What should I get?’ he wondered to himself, for what felt like the hundredth time. He was on his first date with Amy, his first date in general, and he was desperate to make a good impression. It didn’t help that he had always been indecisive.
They were sitting across from one another at a little wooden table for two that was off to the side of the dining area and right by a window. The warm afternoon sun shone through the open blinds, lighting their table with a glow that felt somehow divine. He had chosen to take her out to Mario’s italian restaurant because he knew the food was great and the menu had plenty of options, but now that he had to choose what to order he was wondering if he had made a mistake. There were just too many options, and each one seemed like a bad choice for one reason or another.
He didn’t want to order something light, like a salad, because he was afraid she’d immediately assume he had some kind of eating disorder, even though he’d always had a healthy appetite. He wasn’t comfortable ordering anything as a large as a full pizza. Despite the fact that he was probably hungry enough to eat one, he certainly didn’t want her to think he was a glutton. He wouldn’t dare ask her if she wanted to share a plate, as the last thing he wanted was for her to find him controlling or presumptuous. Spaghetti seemed too plain, linguine too fancy, and penne too strange.
“What can I get you guys tonight?” the waitress asked, interrupting Will’s train of thought.
“Will, do you wanna split a pepperoni pizza?” Amy piped up, catching Will off guard completely.
“Uhh, sure Amy, that sounds good.” he replied, then cursed himself inwardly for sounding so simple.
“Great. I’ve always loved pepperoni pizza but I hardly get to have it. My parents refuse to buy it. They’re health nuts, and they always say, ‘There’s just too much trans fat in all that cheese.’” she explained.
Will felt relieved that he at least didn’t have to make any kind of decision, and a little foolish for being so worried in the first place. Looking across the little table at Amy, he wondered what she could possibly see in him. She was an incredibly pretty girl, one of the smartest in their Grade 11 class, and had always been a starter on the girl’s soccer team. He would have figured she’d wanna date someone like Brian Moore, the basketball star on the senior team, and also in their grade. It seemed to Will that Brian was always with a pretty girl. He just couldn’t imagine why Amy had chosen to ask him if he wanted to get dinner with her the other day in Physics class.
He thought of himself as an awkward kid, always had. Very quiet and reserved, not to mention lanky and clumsy, he had never drawn much attention from the opposite sex. Yet here was one of the prettiest, intelligent, and altogether most desirable specimens in their whole school, on a date with him no less. The very thought made his hands instantly clammy.
“And what can I get you each to drink?”
“Well, I’ll have a Pepsi.” Amy chimed, flipping her long, blonde ponytail over her shoulder as she looked up and grinned at the waitress.
“Umm, I guess I’ll have a root beer.” Will stammered, scratching the back of his head as he continued to look over the options, not sure he’d made the right choice.

Amy was gazing at Will, watching him flip through the restaurant’s brightly coloured menu. She was so glad that she’d decided to ask him out, and even more excited when he had asked if she’d like to go to Mario’s after she insisted that he choose where they went. She loved pizza, and everyone knew that at Mario’s they made some of the best in town.
One of the main reasons that she had asked Will to go out with her was his quiet, reserved nature. She had quickly become tired of loud, over-confident young men who said what was on their mind without thinking how it may affect the feelings of the people around them. Not to mention the constant bragging.
Will was different. She hadn’t even really noticed him in the first few weeks of their Grade 11 Physics class, though she realized that was mostly due to the fact that she was always very focused on whatever Mr. Balte was teaching in any given lesson. It wasn’t until he had asked the class a question regarding the nature of time, and when nobody raised their hand, had asked Will what he thought on the matter. She remembered his answer so clearly, “Well… I’ve always thought that time is a sort of illusion created by the way our minds perceive the world and the way it changes. Really all that ever exists is this current moment and while we can remember the past and contemplate what may occur in the future, both only truly exist in our perception.” She had never considered time in such an in-depth manner, and his response, while hesitant and fairly quiet, had changed her perspective immediately and completely. She found the experience intellectually exhilarating, and from then on had discreetly been paying quite a bit of attention to Will during each of their shared Physics classes.
He was something of an anomaly; thoughtful, intelligent and much more handsome that he apparently realized. Yet he was also humble to the point of insecurity. She was determined to show him how she saw him, but was at a lack as to how to go about it.
An open mind is power...
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Old 09-08-2015, 09:13 PM View Post #2 (Link)
cmnehrboss (Offline)
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I like the different viewpoints of the same scene. That's a good idea, but I'm not sure that it has a very compelling opening. I think it's too much about Will deciding what his meal will be. It definitely shows that he's indecisive rather than just telling the reader so, but, personally, I wouldn't be willing to sit through that much intro for what he is going to eat.
Also, I think a better word for "lack" at the end of the passage would "loss", but maybe that's just me.
Great your back into writing; have fun!
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