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Old 06-02-2015, 05:53 AM View Post #1 (Link) "Writing"
lilyandherviolin (Offline)
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This isn't really poetry, but if anyone has suggestions of how to make it so, I'd love to hear them.

Paper is not a page until it is filled with words. Thoughts and emotions tiptoe across the lines and settle down, 'p's and 'y's dangling their feet in the possibility of the next line. Inspiration strikes and the letters scramble haphazardly around and then freeze, immortalized on what is now a page.
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Old 06-07-2015, 05:39 PM View Post #2 (Link)
Isis (Offline)
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I think this is an interesting way of looking at writing as something alive with an energy of its own. I really like the way abstract or inanimate things come alive from the verb choices in the middle of a piece: tiptoe, dangling their feet, letters scramblingÖ all of those give me really clear images that are full of energy, and I enjoy that a lot. I think those middle images are a great study in how a strong verb can carry so much of an image, a sentence, and turn something we might think of as still and stodgy (thoughts, letters) into something we get invested in. Celebrate that! And take hold of it if you can. Not all sentences need a verb mamboing through, but vivid, active verbs (rather than is, was, etc.) can make a huge difference in short pieces like this (and all poetry) because they get a lot done and create a lot in a small space.

Though you create these awesome, specific images, I do feel like Iím hanging a little bit at the end. Itís really active and full of motion, and then it stops. Iím left wondering: what freezes them? What is being written? I think the thoughts and contrast between paper and page are interesting, but I also wonder if there is more to the process. Iím not sure if you want to draw this out more, or if you want it to be a really short, sweet piece. Where do you see this going? Do you see it as a short meditation, a surprise? Do you see it as something that starts zoomed out and gets more zoomed in? Is the focus on the idea? The letters themselves? The piece being written? The writer behind the letters?

This piece can be poetry, as is, if you want it to be. Thereís a form called the ďprose poemĒ - you can read this intro article I wrote about the prose poem, and look around on the forum or elsewhere for examples. Is that something youíd be interested in exploring more? I think it could be a cool thing to try out. Another thing to try could be writing the same poem with line breaks and without. Itís just a good exercise to help you learn about the sentence and the line. It helps you think more about how you want to break things up. You can see different ideas and rhythms come out in the line and in the sentence or paragraph. Sometimes you might write something as a paragraph and put it in lines later. Or write lines and then turn them into a paragraph. This isnít often how I write poetry, but it can sometimes show me something new when I am stuck.
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Old 06-08-2015, 10:18 PM View Post #3 (Link) .
bluellamas07 (Offline)
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I agree that this is not poetry. I think this piece could be considered prose What you have said is very philosophical, and I love how insightful it is. Keep up the good work
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Old 06-19-2015, 04:00 PM View Post #4 (Link)
Aria (Offline)
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Originally Posted by lilyandherviolin View Post
This isn't really poetry, but if anyone has suggestions of how to make it so, I'd love to hear them.

Paper is not a page until it is filled with words. Thoughts and emotions tiptoe across the lines and settle down, 'p's and 'y's dangling their feet in the possibility of the next line. Inspiration strikes and the letters scramble haphazardly around and then freeze, immortalized on what is now a page.
How bout this?

"Paper is not a page till it's filled with words
Until thoughts and emotions tiptoe across the lines and settle down.
'P''s and 'Y''s carelessly dangle their feet o'er the world
of possibilities for the next line as inspiration drowns out
my writer's block and letters scramble haphazardly around,
frozen forever, immortalized on what now
has become a page."

It's not very good, but you could work with it some more and make it sound better lol I tried to keep as much of your original phrasing as possible. I love the imagery of this passage! Great job on coming up with such creative, and alive material! I especially loved the way you ended it so abruptly. I LOVED that! The only thing I might consider changing is not using the word "line" multiple times close together.

Thoughts and emotions tiptoe across the lines, 'p's and 'y's dangling their feet in the possibility of the next line.
See what I mean?

Maybe separate them out and put something in between the two (hehe) lines that contain the word "line". I tried to do that with the poem version of your passage. Honestly, though, that's not that big of a deal...It just sounds a little awkward. Hope this helps!
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