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Old 10-21-2017, 07:52 PM View Post #1 (Link) POET and a HOOKER
Georgy (Offline)
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Young poet entered a tavern:
His girlfriend was too stubborn;
She liked to be kinda a ban;
But the poet wanted be a man.

Approaching a bar he swayed
His soul pleaded to be saved,
He felt his life was kinda a fake
He cursed himself and his fate.

"I urgently need to have some drink
and make my heart not to be shrink,
to turn this gray ceiling in glitter pink,
I want not to think, but drink and sing!"

But posh barman said to the poet:
"Boy, you've not reached that age yet;
A milk, I see, upon your lips is wet;
Turn round and out of my bar you get!"

A beauty came up to the poor guy,
Smiling sweetly she exclaimed "Hi!
Your pouty lips are getting dry!
My wonderful cocktail'll make you fly."

And poet exclaimed "I like this idea!
What kind of cocktail you offer me,dear?"
"Be sure, you gonna know this soon;
We cannot afford this in the saloon.

We are going now to visit my house,
We are going to play a cat and a mouse,
And I do hope it goes without saying
You'll have to pay cash for this playing."

"Yes," murmured the poet obediently,
And ran out the tavern immediately;
The girl laughed and said "Dear,
He even forgot to buy me some beer."
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Old 11-01-2017, 06:49 PM View Post #2 (Link) Review
itsbabyface (Offline)
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I enjoyed this poem. At first I was skeptical because the wording was unorthodox, but I found myself quickly adjusting to its rhythm and it grew on me. It's unique, in the way that the dialogue is formatted and all the implied emotions and feelings throughout the poem are there. Some of the grammar needs to be brushed up a bit, or rather, some of the wording, especially in the intro. The first stanza starts off rocky, but as I read on the poem became more and more clever, astute, and entertaining. Try to avoid words like "kinda", I think that is what threw me off the most, but other than that, it's brilliant. You may want to brush it up a bit, and soon enough it'll be right as rain!

Final review:
A comical and honest poem on a young man's coming of age and innocent curiosity toward the world and all its wickedness..
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Old 11-01-2017, 06:55 PM View Post #3 (Link)
itsbabyface (Offline)
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Originally Posted by itsbabyface View Post
"Do I contradict myself? Very well, then. I contradict myself; I am large--I contain multitudes." -Walt Whitman

I enjoyed this poem. At first I was skeptical because the wording was unorthodox, but I found myself quickly adjusting to its rhythm and it grew on me. It's unique, in the way that the dialogue is formatted and all the implied emotions and feelings throughout the poem are there. Some of the grammar needs to be brushed up a bit, or rather, some of the wording, especially in the intro. The first stanza starts off rocky, but as I read on the poem became more and more clever, astute, and entertaining. Try to avoid words like "kinda", I think that is what threw me off the most, but other than that, it's brilliant. You may want to brush it up a bit, and soon enough it'll be right as rain!

Final review:
A comical and honest poem on a young man's coming of age and innocent curiosity toward the world and all its wickedness..
"We can destory what we have written but not unwrite it." -Anthony Burgess
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Old 11-20-2017, 04:01 PM View Post #4 (Link) meh
lawdawg25 (Offline)
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The overarching theme is interesting and has a good base but needs more tone. The poem lacks the mood you would expect from something called a poet and a hooker and desperately aches for a more varied emotional response. With that said the tale is good and deserves more work. It keeps you interested for the important parts and reads more like a short story than a poem.
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Old Yesterday, 06:47 AM View Post #5 (Link)
aa_y_ush (Offline)
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Originally Posted by Georgy View Post
"Yes," murmured the poet obediently,
And ran out the tavern immediately;
The girl laughed and said "Dear,
He even forgot to buy me some beer."
A quirky ending- I absolutely loved it. The thing that I find irritating in some poetries is that they tend to have a brilliant start but hardly reach a point where they can pull of the ending well. You know, as a horseshoe knot at the end. In this poetry, however, you nailed the ending.

Moreover, the playful tone you used was something which I personally try to implement when I write. My personal approach while reading the classics (Sorry, If I tend to offend anyone) is a bit bored because I feel that they are not connecting enough- people like you are, talking about my personal taste, handling the connection part very well.

So concluding-Very playful, brilliant ending, A connecting read. I enjoyed myself a lot.
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