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Old 08-02-2010, 03:16 PM View Post #1 (Link) animee!!!
Lord_of_Electricity (Offline)
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http://th04.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/...by_lisusha.jpg

^ ^ ^ ^ ^
PLEASE!!! CRITIQUE!!!! i need your help lol
Here's Raine from ParaShi (a story that's in the works of maybe becoming a manga).
I've been working on her for sometime but I'm kinda at a loss on what i should do.
Sorry for the quality of the picture i had to take the pic with a camera.
Here's my deviantart name if anyone cares: lisusha. I'll be adding more stuff soon=]


Original creators of ParaShi:

Here's their deviantart names: Bassara, nuriko-kun
ParaShi website: http://parashi.info/
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						Last edited by Lord_of_Electricity; 08-08-2010 at 03:40 AM.
Old 08-02-2010, 09:45 PM View Post #2 (Link)
ACHERON (Offline)
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Originally Posted by Lord_of_Electricity View Post
http://th04.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/...by_lisusha.jpg

^ ^ ^ ^ ^
Here's Raine from ParaShi (a story that's in the works of maybe becoming a manga).
I've been working on her for sometime but I'm kinda at a loss on what i should do so PLEASE CRITIQUE!!!
Sorry for the quality of the picture i had to take the pic with a camera.
Here's my deviantart name: lisusha. I'll be adding more stuff soon=]


Original creators of ParaShi:

Here's their deviantart names: Bassara, nuriko-kun
ParaShi website: http://parashi.info/

so this is a very pretty drawing. my suggestions are to consider darkening the iris and pupils of her eyes so they don't appear glazed over/stoned, since the outline around her eyes is significantly darker. if you're looking to add to the drawing, you could consider using color.

- e
 
Old 08-03-2010, 03:48 PM View Post #3 (Link)
Alice Glitterhorn (Offline)
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Mm, anime is so hard to crit because everyone draws it very differently. So I'll just point out some things that I think need to be fixed.

Her ear is very pointy, and since I'm assuming she's not an elf, you need to soften it.

There are also two pointy places on the line of her chin/jaw. Making those just the tiniest bit rounder will give her a nice, even face shape (especially the cheek one).

The hair on the right side of the face comes out too far. Straight hair like that needs to lay flat against her face, but you can give it a bit more body. Just tone down the way it puffs out, is what I'm saying.

The bottom of her right eye is too dark. The bottom of the left is lighter, which looks better in contrast with pale skin/dark eyelashes on the top. So lighten the bottom of the right. The right eye is also strangely round, like a bug's, when coming out of her face. There's a lot of the eyeball we don't see, so the curve is gradual, not a sudden popping-out like that. The pupil, too needs to be darkened like real pupils are. Not black, mind you, just darker so it contrasts with the iris.

The cloth is a little too thin. Those Japanese things (I forgot what they're called >.<) she's wearing, the collars are usually a bit boxier and stiff. So there should be two edges to it.

To end on a positive note, the shading under her neck is good, as it the shading on the cloth.
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Originally Posted by Caleb
when I hear the word poet

I think of you naked, rimbaud drinking, and how lovely my hair is


They sailed away, for a year and a day,
To the land where the bong-tree grows;
And there in a wood a Piggy-wig stood,
With a ring at the end of his nose,

Word Count: 10000/50000
 
Old 08-08-2010, 09:28 PM View Post #4 (Link)
v.w.123 (Offline)
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Originally Posted by Lord_of_Electricity View Post
http://th04.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/...by_lisusha.jpg

^ ^ ^ ^ ^
PLEASE!!! CRITIQUE!!!! i need your help lol
Here's Raine from ParaShi (a story that's in the works of maybe becoming a manga).
I've been working on her for sometime but I'm kinda at a loss on what i should do.
Sorry for the quality of the picture i had to take the pic with a camera.
Here's my deviantart name if anyone cares: lisusha. I'll be adding more stuff soon=]


Original creators of ParaShi:

Here's their deviantart names: Bassara, nuriko-kun
ParaShi website: http://parashi.info/
Your particular style reminds me of the anime used for the Twilight Bracelet (has nothing to do with vampires). I like it it definetly needs darkening and maybe color. But also it would fill up the page and make it look more full if you put something in the background, like a tree or a desert of a sky scene or fire... really just anything but other than that it's BEAST!!
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Old 11-30-2010, 08:27 AM View Post #5 (Link)
beesinparadise (Offline)
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I just want to start off by saying this looks very nice.
Here are some things you might want to fix.
Her ears are pointed, unless that is what you were going for, you will need to round them a tad.
You would need to shade some more near where the hair is touching the face since you always have to remember everything casts a shadow.
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Old 11-30-2010, 12:42 PM View Post #6 (Link)
Lydia (Offline)
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Okay...I really like this piece!

I can see that you have taken the time to add lots of detail to this drawing. I would just like to say that I really like the way you've used tone on your drawing, especially the area where the wisps of her hair are covering her clothes! I understand that this is quite a light piece but possibly if you used more graduated tone and create more darker areas to your drawing. The mouth on this character could possibly be more prominent, although I understand you might not wanting to make it a block colour. This is not my style of drawing but I often find that eyes are a very powerful piece of anime/manga and I think that possibly you could bring out the eyes more! Make them darker and lighter where needed and possibly add shadows around the eyes.

Once again, well done on this really good drawing! Keep up the good work!
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						Last edited by Lydia; 01-17-2011 at 08:51 PM.
Old 11-09-2014, 02:35 AM View Post #7 (Link) Congratulation
Rainbow89 (Offline)
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U drew a beautiful and perfect girl. And I felt she is alive and she is smiling at me. Your artwork is so clean too... Put some color is not needed anymore. why? Because mostly anime comics books don't use color and your drawing is clearly show that 'That's a girl!' You totally know how to use pencil to draw it clean and neat and also alive!!! I wish she can be my friends cause she is so beautiful.
 
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