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Old 08-19-2017, 11:16 AM View Post #1 (Link) So many things to see.
Ishaan (Offline)
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There are so many things for me to see
Near the ocean, near the sea.
The south American forests
The Mexican heritage sites, the Masai mara tribe
and the clean roads of Spain are easy to ride
The Alaskan pines , the stunning Himalayan hue
and all the local people to interview.
The serene Odisha the valley of flowers
And all the scenic places on the world
Which have a panoramic view!
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Old 08-20-2017, 03:55 AM View Post #2 (Link)
SerialLove (Offline)
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Originally Posted by Ishaan View Post
There are so many things for me to see
Near the ocean, near the sea. Near should be lowercased.
The south American forests 'South' needs to be capitalized.
The Mexican heritage sites, the Masai mara tribe I'm pretty sure the underlined words should all start with capital letters since it's the name of the tribe.
and the clean roads of Spain are easy to ride Add punctuation here.
The Alaskan pines , the stunning Himalayan hue
and all the local people to interview.
The serene Odisha Either add a comma or a hyphen here. the valley of flowers
And all the scenic places on the world lowercase the beginning of this line.
Which have a panoramic view! Lowercase the beginning of this line.
Ok, so for the most part, this was a pretty boring piece. I really think you should add a little more imagery, it's nice to actually know what you're talking about, but it's a little less nice when all we're reading is a list. There's nothing here for us [your readers] to really hold onto. For instance, what does the South American forest actually look like? Or the valley of flowers? What flowers are there, what are their colors? Give your readers more imagery. Other then that, good luck and continue writing. If you have any questions feel free to ask.
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Old 08-20-2017, 07:28 AM View Post #3 (Link) This post is a reply - don't critique it
Ishaan (Offline)
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Originally Posted by SerialLove View Post
Ok, so for the most part, this was a pretty boring piece. I really think you should add a little more imagery, it's nice to actually know what you're talking about, but it's a little less nice when all we're reading is a list. There's nothing here for us [your readers] to really hold onto. For instance, what does the South American forest actually look like? Or the valley of flowers? What flowers are there, what are their colors? Give your readers more imagery. Other then that, good luck and continue writing. If you have any questions feel free to ask.
Sure,I will try to my best to improve my poems.
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Old 08-28-2017, 01:41 AM View Post #4 (Link)
Pandora24 (Offline)
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I can feel your urge to see the world in it's glory.
And it made me want to see those places you mentioned.
Can you please add more description?
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Old 01-10-2018, 12:50 AM View Post #5 (Link)
wkamen (Offline)
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I think if you would add more in describing all the p;aces and things you want to see would add greatly
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Old 01-24-2018, 07:37 AM View Post #6 (Link)
anuv127 (Offline)
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It is clear you are wanting to travel and visit places. But somehow the connect between lines seem lost. There does not seem a flow that could make a reader feel the connect. And for each place you could add a bit more of description, that would definitely make a difference.
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Old 02-07-2018, 07:33 PM View Post #7 (Link)
Gyasi Myles (Offline)
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Yes yes YES!! Felt that, wanna travel too, esp. to a sea/ocean again and central or south american forests, pls just lemme try ayahuasca in the amazon rainforest then have a pleasant spiritual experience/make contact with the spirit world
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