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My B
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View Post #1 (Link) My B |
Novice Writer
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Somewhere in the Pacific Ocean.
Posts: 18
Points: 6.89
Times Thanked: 0
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So, this is inspired by a real experience. B's my sister, and she is absolutely adorable. We have a friendly challenge in our house to be the one B's most devoted to. I'm definitely out of the competition (haha) because she is utterly devoted to Dad, which is what this song is about.
I watch her as she strides down the sidewalk Curls blowing in the wind And I wonder Why can't she be my B? Or at least my friend? But she walks on and I'm lost in thought Wondering over and over Why can't she be my B? Is she someone else's forever? Why can't she be my B Am I really that bad? Why won't she look at me The way she looks at Dad? With awe and admiration But all that I get Is a push and a shove in the wrong direction And a parting hit I wonder What's the point of all this? If she's not my B? I wonder What's the point of living? Without my sweet B? But she walks on and I'm lost in thought Wondering over and over Why can't she be my B? Is she someone else's forever? Why can't she be my B? Am I really that bad? Why won't she look at me The way she looks at Dad? With awe and admiration But all that I get Is a push and a shove in the wrong direction And a parting hit B, you know I love you At least, I hope you do Why do you turn away from me? Please Why won't you be my B? Am I really that bad? Why won't you look at me The way you look at Dad? With awe and admiration But all that I get Is a push and a shove in the wrong direction And a parting hit And a parting hit |
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View Post #2 (Link) Review |
Novice Writer
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 19
Points: 7.38
Times Thanked: 4
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I really like the poem. I can feel the emotion. I felt that it was a little bit too repetitive. I would've liked to see some more verses.
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