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Old 07-14-2016, 10:21 PM View Post #1 (Link) Gideon (again)
Jokes_on_you142 (Offline)
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Texas
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Okay, so I haven't worked on this in a while and I thought it was probably time...
Please tell me if there's anything I can do to revise/edit and make this better! I can't promise if it'll be in the final draft (if there ever is one...) but I think I've developed a pretty good idea of the plot. Please stay tuned for more!

***Also, please tell me if there's any way I'm not keeping Gideon's personality consistent! His personality is important to me!!!

***** LOL ALSO PLEASE DON'T TELL ME TO TAB MY PARAGRAPHS MY COMPUTER WON'T LET ME!!! (SOB)

Passages so far, in chronological order:
Passage 1
Passage 2
Passage 3

Under the city, there was a long subterranean tunnel which wound its curved path through the earth like a giant worm. Once, it had functioned as a rudimentary sewer system, until new paths were dug above it to create a more sanitary combined network of pipes. Years later, it had functioned as an escape route for the royal family in a time of political turmoil. Years after that, it became home to the most foul and loathsome crime rings in all the kingdom. Even more foul and loathsome than the thieves was the muck that still clung to the brick walls and oozed all over the floor, a gross vestige from the tunnel's sewer days. And it was getting all over Gideon's boots.
"Mmmgggh, mmghf mghghhgfMMMMMM!" Gideon shouted, his words garbled on account of the sack stuck tightly over his head. He struggled as two hooded figures dragged him through the latticework of passages. Gideon was having trouble finding purchase in all the muck; his feet were slipping in the thin layer of ooze that coated the whole bottom of the tunnel. He was being held upright only by the virtue of his two captors' lean, but muscular, scaly forearms. There was no way to use the ground as an anchor to push off from, rip his arms from the creatures' claws and run down the passage like a madman. Eventually, Gideon went limp and let himself be dragged like a rag doll. He tried not to think about where they were possibly heading, or the scurry of rats in the dark, or the state his poor boots and trousers were in at this point. He thought of all those things anyway.
As they traveled to their destination, the smell worsened. It became almost sickly sweet with an oder of extremely old onions and things that shouldn't be mentioned in polite company. One of the creatures broke the silence with a hiss.
"Smellsssss like a thousssand creeping rat droppingssss. I do hate thissss place." The creature to Gideon's left spat on the already filthy floor. Creature No. 2 cackled dryly. The sound echoed of the rounded tunnel most unpleasantly. After a few more paces in silence, the first creature elbowed Gideon in the ribs. He sputtered in his sack, the sharp pain making him gasp in the disgusting air.
"Ssssstand up, prisssoner! I'm sssick of dragging your weight around!" The creature snarled. Gideon shrugged, trying to look helpless. He was in fact giving his captors a dirty look from inside the sack. The second creature sniffed the air loudly.
"We missssed the turn. Let'ssss go back the way we came." The second creature began to pull Gideon in the other direction when the first caught Gideon tightly by the arm with clawed fingers.
"No, you sssssimpleton! Your senssessss are dull. It's thisss way," The first creature rasped. Both monsters were pulling Gideon in opposite ways, hissing softly. Despite the pain, Gideon couldn't help but roll his eyes. These creatures, Slyverns, as they were called, usually disagreed and always settled their matters by clawing each other's eyes out. If Gideon were able to speak, he'd probably turn them against each other, egging them on as he slipped away and found a passage out of the tunnels. But, Gideon thought with a dramatic inward sigh, You can't solve everything with words, can you?
The quarrel ended with a menacing hiss from the second Slyvern as it loosened its grip enough for the first one to start dragging Gideon in the direction it wanted. Soon enough, the party was on its merry way through the stinking ex-sewers, one dragging, one being dragged, and the last skulking. They came to an open chamber, lit only by one sputtering lantern and furnished only with a decrepit door that seemed to be fashioned out of an old whisky barrel. The Slyvern, instead of kicking the door down with its powerful foot and barging in, pulled a key from the depths of its robe and slid it delicately into the lock. Gideon heard a click and a squeak of hinges, then felt yet another sharp pain as the Slyvern behind him sent him sprawling headfirst into the new chamber.
Gideon gasped reflexively as the sack was yanked off his head, which wasn't a good idea, as the new area smelled no better than the last. Gaining his bearings, Gideon noted that the room they were in was about 20 paces in length, narrow, and lit only by old candles whose wax was gathering in gooey pools. It appeared to be empty. The most distinguishing feature was a rusty cast-iron throne in the center, facing away from Gideon and his captors. The two Slyverns swept back their dark robes and bowed, their thick claws scraping the floor.
"Master, we have done well and arrived. With the prissssoner," one of the creatures hissed. The three visitors stared up at the throne in tense silence. After a moment, a gauntleted hand appeared from the side of the throne, beckoning them forward with a jerk. "Ah, yessssss," the Slyvern panted. "We will bring him closssser to you," Gideon braced himself as another blow sent him flying. He skidded about half the length of the hall, knowing that more bruises were being added to his already superfluous collection.
"I get it! I can walk by myself, thanks," Gideon snarled. He picked himself up and half-walked half-limped the rest of the way to the throne. The floor had been cleaned here; there wasn't enough muck to make walking a problem. Unsure what to do, Gideon put out his hand tentatively, almost touching the giant iron furniture. He had no idea who this "Master" was. It could be anyone. Gideon had been careful not to annoy anyone important, recently at least, and there were no minor bosses after him, unless maybe...
"It's about time." The voice from behind the back of the throne jolted Gideon from his reverie. He knew that voice. Before he could register his shock, the chair swiveled around to reveal a gorgeous woman, dark curls framing her deep eyes and sneering lips. Sylvia, as Gideon knew her. This clearly wasn't what the Slyverns had been expecting either.
"Masssssster?" The Slyverns shrieked stupidly. An then, in a moment, one of them on their back, arrow shaft sticking through its side. The other creature hissed in absolute rage and came charging straight at its attacker. With a smirk, the woman tugged Gideon downward into a passage which was hidden directly behind the throne, crossbow in the other hand. Gideon hadn't even seen her equip it.
"This may seem irrelevant, but WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU DOING HERE?!" Gideon yelled. They were fleeing through the deeper tunnels now, and there wasn't enough light for Gideon to tell where he was being dragged (again). Behind them was the savage sound of the Slyvern's claws scraping on the stone below, which was, fortunately, clean enough to walk on. Judging by the growing volume, it was definitely gaining on them. Yet even that noise was almost drowned out by the blood pumping in Gideon's ears as he fled for his life on bruised and battered legs.
"On the count of three, you need to jump," Sylvia called back. "One..."
Of course she won't answer directly, thought Gideon sourly. Daylight, in the passage ahead. It hit Gideon's eyes harshly, making them water.
"Two!" Gideon felt the fabric on his shirt rip open, long, unforgiving claws missing narrowly as the Slyvern hissed in frustration.
"Three!" Gideon jumped with all his might. His leap wasn't calculated correctly, though; it had way too much height and his head smacked against the opening with a sickening thwack. Just as their feet left the ground, Sylvia pressed the lever on her remote detonator. The tunnel behind them exploded into a glorious inferno of light, heat, and charred Slyvern meat. Unfortunately, Gideon didn't get to see any of it. He was unconscious before he hit the ground.
  
						Last edited by Jokes_on_you142; 07-15-2016 at 04:43 AM.
					
					 Reason: Added sentences, grammatical corrections
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