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Old 12-11-2014, 07:23 PM View Post #1 (Link) At world's end
pharaohcleonef95 (Offline)
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Join Date: Dec 2014
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Started writing this the other day, but I'm not sure where to take it or what its going to turn out to be. Some curitique would be greatly appreciated. Thanks


A dark silhouette stood out against the gentle yellow light of the streetlamp. Scruffy curls create a soft halo around her head, left arm carelessly hanging to the side, a a cigarette burning in the other hand. Looking down, she watched the big hand of her watch move to 6 o’clock. And just like clockwork she could feel the change in the atmosphere as the darkness began to settle in the sky and the invisible veil lifted.
Tinashe took one last drag pull, releasing a steady stream of smoke into the air above her.”You know Marcus,you could’ve just asked me where I was going like a normal human being,” A large figure emerged from out the beneath the shadows and into the light. “ I figured you didn’t want to be asked” he said; shrugging.
“ So you thought following me all the way out here was the better alternative?” Annoyed, flicking her cigarette to the ground and turned back to look at the house across the street. She couldn't even remember the last time she’d seen the house in bright daylight and the image of the house in the sunlight was beginning to fade, but this was the best she could do. She’d been coming here everyday for the past 6 months and the end of a days work in the city and to get some time to herself for once. Now thats all shot to hell. Turning, she started down the street, acutely aware of her companion following in silence. Each house they walked past stood deadly still, standing only as tombstones acknowledging the lives that had once belonged there. If you stopped and looked long enough you’d be able to convince yourself that you saw something, a small flicker of light, a quick movement in the shadows. But there never was, it all looked exactly the same as it did the day she stumbled out into the street in the harsh sun and realised that there was no one else in her neighbourhood.
There had been no prediction, no harbinger of death and destruction, no possible sign that would have led to the end of the world. You couldn't even put a face or name to it./ The end of the world hadn't come as prophesied- the earth opening up below our feet, balls of lava launched from the earth’s core or comets falling from the sky as the oceans wipe out every city, as Nostradamus had predicted. Tinashe sometimes thinks that would’ve been a better option. At least they would've known what was coming and that they’d all go together. Even now no one had an actual idea of what had really happened to their loved ones
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Old 08-26-2015, 11:59 AM View Post #2 (Link) I'll like to collaborate with you on that piece..
Miles Young (Offline)
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but i need to know what you are driving at..like,what kind of novel is it?
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Old 02-08-2016, 04:04 AM View Post #3 (Link)
pagebound (Offline)
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Join Date: Jan 2016
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This is excellent it drags you in questioning what happened. It left me wanting more! There are a few grammatical mistakes. if you wish for me to proofread I'll be more than happy, but I wish for you to continue whatever path ypubwere on.
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Old 02-09-2016, 12:46 PM View Post #4 (Link) Hey
pharaohcleonef95 (Offline)
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Join Date: Dec 2014
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Thank you pagebound. I really would like to get some assistance with my grammar. There is a lot more I've written and I've changed the story quite a bit! I've been really busy, but I will update it soon enough!
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