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Free to fall
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View Post #1 (Link) Free to fall |
Idea Scribe
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: God's hands
Posts: 64
Points: 15.27
Times Thanked: 14
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The video is on The radio is set Everybody come out to hear my voice There is a willingness in me To show I'm free Free to do what I can over the noise CHORUS: just scream it YE----IYE----IYE---IYE I can do it all And shout it YE ----IYE----IYE---IYE I'm free to fall Bridge: fall for the music fall for the drumset fall for the drumstick even when it's sunset CHORUS: Now shout YE---IYE----IYE----IYE I don't mind the rain And scream it YE---IYE----IYE-----IYE COS I have the gain yeah. I'm new at this please don't feel disgusted when you read it and try to hear me singing it. Thanks to all my critics.
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View Post #2 (Link) | |||
Idea Scribe
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 64
Points: 8.82
Times Thanked: 17
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I don't think it was that bad. It was pretty catchy to me. It has a good rhythm and most people would say rhyming is a bit childish, but in this case I think it worked really well.
This was a pretty good song, welcome to youngwritersonline, and I hope you feel welcome. Keep on writing! |
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View Post #3 (Link) |
Literary Newbie
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Philippines
Posts: 5
Points: 8.71
Times Thanked: 0
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it was not bad at all,
but the chorus might need some words that people can actually relate, for example, "IYE-IYE" could be just a simple "Yeah-Yeah" ![]() |
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View Post #4 (Link) Love your song! |
Literary Newbie
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 3
Points: 11
Times Thanked: 0
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Well, this may be late, but I read your lyrics and thought it was really interesting.
![]() But, first of all, I REALLY love the meaning of this song, Free to fall. I love the fact that it’s encouraging people to do what they love, that they’re free to fall for anything. People should do what they love no matter the “noise” or what people say they should do. I feel that I can really relate to this song ![]() Well, now here’s my suggestions: The video is on The radio is set Everybody come out to hear my voice I don’t think that the first phrase is very catchy for me. “The video is on” and “The radio is set” don’t really have a huge purpose in the meaning of the song. I suggest for you to change it to something like: I hear whispers in my head people said to stay No, I’m ready to show the world my voice That’s just how I would start the song…not sure if this would change your original meaning of the song though… There is a willingness in me To show I'm free Free to do what I can over the noise I like how voice and noise rhymes together. Just wanted to point it out. ![]() ![]() CHORUS: just scream it YE----IYE----IYE---IYE I can do it all And shout it YE ----IYE----IYE---IYE I'm free to fall I think that the YE—IYE part is already perfect. I can picture myself singing this haha. Bridge: fall for the music fall for the drumset fall for the drumstick even when it's sunset For the bridge, I’m not sure about the part where you said “fall for the drumstick even when it’s sunset.” It doesn’t make sense to me because why is falling for the drumstick when it’s sunset a problem? I suggest something like a contrast: fall for the night sky even when it’s sunset The meaning of this is even though the night sky is not “here” (because it is still sunset), you are still free to fall for something that is not there yet, like dreams, goals, etc. Overall, I would rate this song an 9/10. Great job! ![]() ![]() |
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View Post #5 (Link) |
Literary Newbie
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 8
Points: 1.38
Times Thanked: 0
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Can feel a nice rhythm and openness in it. A certain degree of freshness coming right at you. Could help if you could just add a few more lines for it to flow to a higher extent. But overall, good job, man!
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View Post #6 (Link) |
Novice Writer
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 11
Points: 2.17
Times Thanked: 0
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Right, to start off with, I liked it. The rhyming was good and the chorus was catchy. The way you described how you or whomever this is from's feelings and emotion was well done but could be improved on in some ways. All in all, I liked it and I encourage you to keep writing!
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