I briskly walk to the library. I am already behind schedule since I had overslept. On my way to the library, I see laborers setting up a tent on the Dallas Hall Lawn. I suddenly remember that homecoming is being held today. I curiously look at the men work and start to ponder about what homecoming will be like. Soon, lights, fireworks, parades, and a plethora of colors fill my mind. I then shake my head in order to get those fanciful thoughts out of my psyche. I continue walking toward the library. I arrive right on time and boldly enter. I was full of confidence and pride because I was not tempted by the traps of delights that lay outside and also I was on my way to finish a copious amount of work. I find that the library as usual on this faintly cold morning. I walk from the corridor to the computer room. There I find a desk where I lay my books and immediately start to study. After two hours, I grow tired and frustrated. The equations that lay bellow my eyes no longer interest me but frustrate me. I look out the window behind and I’m surprised by the sudden traffic people on the streets. I’m envious of their carefree attitudes and glee that fills their hearts. They are not tied up with work like myself or they are neglectful of their work. The glee will soon slip away and reveal anger and frustration that comes with procrastination. I turn my head away with disgust and newfound wisdom yet my heart starts to ache for the liveliness that lies outside. I desperately try to ignore the sounds of exuberant joy and stare intensely at the math problems I have to finish. After staring at them for two minutes, I can no longer ignore the fervent beating of my heat. I pack my books and quickly leave the library. On my way home, I run into several people who return the favor with hostile nudges. Soon, my heart beat grows fainter and I regret my impulsive decision but I cannot turn back. The path to the library is filled with people. I can only go forward. After a few minutes, I’m near my dorm. I run into my fellow hall residents who respond with gruff indifference. No matter, I quickly run upstairs and enter my room. I am oddly relieved that my roommate is not here. I drop my bookbag and put on a fresh, new shirt. I enter the bathroom in the study in order to brush my teeth. I soon look at the mirror with a sheepish smile and prepare to leave. I walk confidently to the boulevard where there is sparse people around. Eventually, the amount of people begins to grow as my confidence diminishes. I am meet with unwelcoming, incredulous faces who do not even seem to contemplate helping a young man who is obviously overwhelmed and confused. I soon escape the crowd and look on from the sidelines with displeasure. Perhaps, their fun is not for me. I was pushed out by the inhospitable atmosphere. But I still long for the merriment, excitement, fun, and pleasures that comes with the various, resplendent colors. The ostentatious, extensive parade floats, drunken buffoonery, I long for it all and despite it just the same. I loathe all of it because it fuels my jealous and envy. Qualities that I am not supposed to have if I am one of God’s dutiful children. I look away at the extravagant spectacle with angry, disgust, and envy which cools down to melancholy as I walk alone down the briefly empty, forgotten road.

Below is my critique of your chapter. I hope it helps you!

Spoiler:

I briskly walk to the library. I am already behind schedule since I had overslept. On my way to the library You've already established that this is what your character is doing, you do not need to repeat it., I see laborers setting up a tent on the Dallas Hall Lawn. I suddenly remember that homecoming is being held today. I curiously look at the men work and start to ponder about what homecoming will be like. Soon, lights, fireworks, parades, and a plethora of colors fill my mind. I then shake my head in order to get those fanciful thoughts out of my psyche.This suggests that he is trying to be a serious person, a grown up. This is the first thing you reveal about his/her personality, I hope that is what you intended. I continue walking toward the library.Combining the previous two sentences would help the flow of the story. "I then shake those fanciful thoughts out of my psyche and continue towards the library." I arrive right on time and boldly enter. I was full of confidence and pride because I was not tempted by the traps of delights that lay outside and also I was on my way to finish a copious amount of work. Good, this confirms what we already speculated about him or her. The words "and also" right next to each other make the sentence feel disjointed, try "as I go" instead of "and also I was" Also with the word was you switch from present to past tense. Be careful of this. I find that the library as usual on this faintly cold morning. That sentence made no sense. Did you mean, " I find the library fairly cold, as usual, this morning."? Also referring to it as "that library" suggests looking back, it makes no sense to call it that when he is inside "that library." Remember to stick with present tense. I walk from the corridor to the computer room. It would help if you described the library or the computer room. It's not imperative though, most of us know what a library and a computer room look like. It's important to find balance when working in the present tense, in many ways it is the hardest to use. You are right in the main characters head right as things are happening, so make sure to tell us what he is seeing. If the story moves to fast we will feel like we are being told the story rather than seeing it right as its happening. There I find a desk where I lay my books and immediately start to study. After two hours, I grow tired and frustrated. The equations that lay bellow my eyes no longer interest me but frustrate me. I look out the window behind and I’m surprised by the sudden traffic people on the streets. You mean the "traffic of people"? I’m envious of their carefree attitudes and glee that fills their hearts. They are not tied up with work like myself or they are neglectful of their work. The glee will soon slip away and reveal anger and frustration that comes with procrastination. Be careful. He seems to be a spiteful and sour person, but if the readers start to dislike him too much they will stop caring what happens to him and stop reading. This may become a problem later on. You may need to either give him a redeeming quality or turn him into a person somehow in our heads, perhaps through revealing a part of his past or the reason he is spiteful. If we can't sympathize with him we will stop caring. I turn my head away with disgust and newfound wisdom yet my heart starts to ache for the liveliness that lies outside. I desperately try to ignore the sounds of exuberant joy and stare intensely at the math problems I have to finish. After staring at them for two minutes, I can no longer ignore the fervent beating of my heat. "my heat?" Do you mean my heart? I pack my books and quickly leave the library. On my way home, I run into several people who return the favor with hostile nudges. Soon, my heart beat grows fainter and I regret my impulsive decision but I cannot turn back. The path to the library is filled with people. I can only go forward. After a few minutes, I’m near my dorm. I run into my fellow hall residents who respond with gruff indifference. No matter, I quickly run upstairs and enter my room. I am oddly relieved that my roommate is not here. He's "oddly" relieved, does this mean that he actually is fond in a way of his roommate? I drop my bookbag and put on a fresh, new shirt. I enter the bathroom in the study in order good idea, adding these two words emphasizes the formality of this character. He is purposeful. to brush my teeth. I soon look at the mirror with a sheepish smile and prepare to leave. I walk confidently to the boulevard where there is sparse people around. Eventually, the amount of people begins to grow as my confidence diminishes. I am meet met? with unwelcoming, incredulous faces who do not even seem to contemplate helping a young man who is obviously overwhelmed and confused. This is the first time we've learned of these emotions. You should suggest that he would feel this way sooner, perhaps while he's still in the bathroom, otherwise it is a surprising change in character. We don't expect it so it seems out of place. I soon escape the crowd and look on from the sidelines with displeasure. Perhaps, their fun is not for me. I was pushed out by the inhospitable atmosphere. But I still long for the merriment, excitement, fun, and pleasures that comes with the various, resplendent colors. The ostentatious, extensive parade floats, drunken buffoonery, I long for it all and despite "despise" it just the same. I loathe all of it because it fuels my jealous and envy. Qualities that I am not supposed to have if I am one of God’s dutiful children. That is a fragment, but if you change the period to a comma after "envy" it won't be. I look away at the extravagant spectacle with angry "anger", disgust, and envy which cools down to melancholy as I walk alone down the briefly empty, forgotten road.

Overall its written fairly well. By the end even though he or she is rather sour, we still feel bad for him because he or she tries.

That's another problem. I have no idea what the character looks like or even their gender. I assume this has already been established though as it is the fourth chapter, but it would be helpful if you added a description of him or her while they are in the bathroom, looking at the mirror.

Of course you could use paragraph formatting. Reading a block of text is more difficult than reading a collection of smaller paragraphs.

I like the fact that you introduce the problem early with the mention of the laborers and homecoming. It makes you realize early roughly who he is and hints what is going to happen to him.

Keep working on it and I'm excited to see where this story is going!

Here are some statistics for you:

You have 45 sentences in this chapter.
36 of those sentences have the word "I" as the subject. That is 80% of the story
29 of those sentences have "I" as the first word in the sentence. That is 64.5% of the story

When was the last time you read the dictionary for fun? No one does that without booze in their system because it is nearly impossible to find any entertainment out of things listed to you. Every sentence you make needs to flow with the one before it and the one after. That is the beauty of the written word, there is so many ways to do it. But that is also why we need to put a lot of thought into what we write, because we want to find the best way to portray what we want to the audience at large.

As for the story itself, it didn't seem like it went anywhere. That is just from a man's perspective who has only read Chapter 4. I would really like to read the first three so I could get some clarity on who this character is, and I might be able to appreciate what is occurring in this chapter a little better.

Originally Posted by nevermindfan1991 I briskly walk to the library. I am already behind schedule since I had overslept. On my way to the library you don't really need this because you already tolld us where the character is going, I see laborers setting up a tent on the Dallas Hall Lawn. I suddenly remember that homecoming is being held today. I curiously look at the men work and start to ponder about what homecoming will be like. Soon, lights, fireworks, parades, and a plethora of colors fill my mind. I then shake my head in order to get those fanciful thoughts out of my psyche. I continue walking toward the library. I arrive right on time and boldly enter. I was full of confidence and pride because I was not tempted by the traps of delights that lay outside and also I was on my way to finish a copious amount of work. I find that the library as usual on this faintly cold morning. I walk from the corridor to the computer room. There I find a desk where I lay my books and immediately start to study. After two hours, I grow tired and frustrated. The equations that lay bellow my eyes no longer interest me but frustrate me. I look out the window behind and I’m surprised by the sudden traffic people on the streets. I’m envious of their carefree attitudes and glee that fills their hearts. They are not tied up with work like myself or they are neglectful of their work. The glee will soon slip away and reveal anger and frustration that comes with procrastination. I turn my head away with disgust and newfound wisdom yet my heart starts to ache for the liveliness that lies outside. I desperately try to ignore the sounds of exuberant joy and stare intensely at the math problems I have to finish. After staring at them for two minutes, I can no longer ignore the fervent beating of my heat heart?. I pack my books and quickly leave the library. On my way home, I run into several people who return the favor with hostile nudges. Soon, my heart beat grows fainter and I regret my impulsive decision but I cannot turn back. The path to the library is filled with people. I can only go forward. After a few minutes, I’m near my dorm. I run into my fellow hall residents who respond with gruff indifference. No matter, I quickly run upstairs and enter my room. I am oddly relieved that my roommate is not here. I drop my bookbag and put on a fresh, new shirt. I enter the bathroom in the study in order to brush my teeth. I soon look at the mirror with a sheepish smile and prepare to leave. I walk confidently to the boulevard where there is sparse people around. Eventually, the amount of people begins to grow as my confidence diminishes. I am meet with unwelcoming, incredulous faces who do not even seem to contemplate helping a young man who is obviously overwhelmed and confused. I soon escape the crowd and look on from the sidelines with displeasure. Perhaps, their fun is not for me. I I noticed how in this chapter, most of the sentences started with 'I' or 'The. I would try to lower the population of that. was pushed out by the inhospitable atmosphere. But I still long for the merriment, excitement, fun, and pleasures that comes with the various, resplendent colors. The ostentatious, extensive parade floats, drunken buffoonery, I long for it all and despite it just the same. I loathe all of it because it fuels my jealous and envy. Qualities that I am not supposed to have if I am one of God’s dutiful children. I look away at the extravagant spectacle with angry anger, disgust, and envy which cools down to melancholy as I walk alone down the briefly empty, forgotten road.

This is a good chapter, but I feel like the plot in this one isn't really going anywhere. There were just a few simple mistakes in here that can be easily fixed. Another problem I have with this chapter is that you tell how the charcter feels but you don't show (you know what I mean).

I hope I helped!