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Old 06-29-2011, 02:40 AM View Post #1 (Link) untitled: fantasy
graystripe79 (Offline)
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This is my first script that I've posted and the story is just an idea but what I want to know about is, am I writing the script in the correct format? I'd love to hear good, detailed feed back! Thanks!

[SIZE="2"]Scene 1: Opens on the side of a long dirt road, lined with oaks and pine trees. The sun is shining down on two young girls (Grace and Seth) who have encountered a teenage boy about their age.

Teenage Boy: “So is it that obvious that I’m new in town?” (he’s holding a hand over his eyes to shield the sun)
Grace: (Is leaning on her right side, flirtatiously looking at the boy) “Only to those of us who were born and raised here,”
Teenage Boy: (Looks uncomfortable as he looks around, eyebrows drawn together) “I hate to admit it, but I’m kinda lost…do you guys think you could point me in the direction of town?”
Seth: (shifts her wait on to her right side and points down the left side of the road) “Just head that way for a mile or so,”
Teenage Boy: (The boy smiles shyly and nodes) “Thanks.” (He starts to walk off but doesn’t get far before he spins back around on his heels, running a hand through pale brown hair.) “I didn’t get your names,”
Grace: (hasn’t moved an inch and is watching the boy with a sly smile on her blue lips.) “I’m Grace, and this my friend Seth,”
Teenage Boy: (nodes again while quickly looking between the two girls.) “Well thanks for the directions! Maybe I’ll see you guys later on,” (he says as he starts to walk backwards.)
Grace: (drums her fingers through the air in a kind of half enthusiastic wave) “Maybe!” (she calls back.)
Seth: (catches a glimpse of the boy smiling before he turns around, slowing growing smaller as he fades into the distance and pretends to choke.)
Grace: (spins on Seth, her pale cheeks turning pink, her brown eyes wide with a scolding gaze. She swings her flat palm at Seth) “Shut up!”
Seth: (dodges the almost hit from Grace with a teasing smile.) “You should just write despite on your forehead,”
Grace: (hangs her head with embarrassment, her long white hair falling into her face like a curtain.) “….you think he thought I was….despite?”
Seth: (shrugs, to busy looking at her black finger nails to displaying much interest) “I don’t know…I’d say he’s interested….probably not blown away, but interested.”
Grace: (sighs heavily as she starts to walk again, staring down at her pink flip flops) “Well, interested is better than not interested at all,” (reaches back and starts to pull her hair into a pony tail.)
Seth: (Falls into place beside Grace, pulling her black tank top up to reveal her toned stomach.) “That’s the spirit,” (wipes sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand)
Grace: (Glances over at Seth’s stomach) “Man, I wish I had your body,”
Seth: (hangs her head back, her arms crossed over her breast) “When you start working half as hard as I do, will be the day you earn my Protectors body.”
Grace: (pulls up her own pink tank top, peering down at the lack of muscle on her flat stomach) “You’re just jealous you aren’t a privileged witch like me,”
Seth: (looks over at Grace) “I think I’m fine with being a werewolf,”
Grace: (smiles)
Seth: (notes the smile) “What’s so funny?”
Grace: “Your right. You don’t have the metal capacity to be a witch,” (chuckles to herself)
Seth: (frowns) “Spell witch with a ‘b’ and write that on your forehead along with despite,”
Grace: “You’re a female werewolf….which I’m guessing is not a far stretch from a female dog,”
Seth: (lets out a low growl, her eyes flashing silver as she glares at Grace) “Clever,”
Grace: (bites on her lower lip, trying to hide her smile from her temperamental companion)

Without thinking, Grace turns into the clearing on the right hand side of the road, almost immediately having to step aside to avoid running into an old rusted bike frame. Among the long, ankle high grass, is other kinds of left behind junk. Perched on top of a tireless car is a young girl, not much older than Grace and Seth in appearance. She’s clad in jean shorts, and a black bra, her tank top setting in a pile next to her. Lying in the grass next to the car and the sun bathing girl is a large, black wolf. Its eyes are closed but either Grace or Seth even considered the possibility of the creature being asleep.Girl on car: (removes sun glasses while sitting up) “Nice of you to finally arrive Grace,” (her voice is pleasant, her sharp features blank of expression)

Grace: “Nice of you to be half dressed for my arrival,” (all joy and cheerfulness drains out of Grace, only to be replaced by annoyance as the girl leaps down from the hood of the car, approaching Grace and Seth.)
Girl that was on car: “Ready to start?” (Raises an eyebrow with a questioning gaze)
Grace: (shrugs) “Ready as I’ll ever be,” (looks over at Seth, trying to send a silent S.O.S)
Seth: (catches Grace’s look but flicks her fingers at Grace in a kind of shooing way)
Grace: (flips Seth the bird)
Seth: (rolls eyes and turns towards the wolf) “Love you too!”
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						Last edited by graystripe79; 07-01-2011 at 04:04 PM.
					
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Old 06-30-2011, 09:02 PM View Post #2 (Link)
x3naurus (Offline)
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Spoiler:
Originally Posted by graystripe79 View Post
This is my first script that I've posted and the story is just an idea but what I want to know about is, am I writing the script in the correct format? I'd love to hear good, detailed feed back! Thanks!

Scene 1: Opens on the side of a long dirt road, lined with oaks and pine trees. The sun is shining down on two young girls (Grace and Seth) who have encountered a teenage boy about their age.

Teenage Boy: “So is it that obvious that I’m new in town?” (he’s holding a hand over his eyes to shield the sun)
Grace: (Is leaning on her right side, flirtatiously looking at the boy) “Only to those of us who were born and raised here,”
Teenage Boy: (Looks uncomfortable as he looks around, eyebrows drawn together) “I hate to admit it, but I’m kinda lost…do you guys think you could point me in the direction of town?”
Seth: (shifts her WEIGHT on to her right side and points down the left side of the road) “Just head that way for a mile or so,”
Teenage Boy: (The boy smiles shyly and nodes) “Thanks.” (He starts to walk off but doesn’t get far before he spins back around on his heels, running a hand through pale brown hair.) “I didn’t get your names,”
Grace: (hasn’t moved an inch and is watching the boy with a sly smile on her blue lips.) “I’m Grace, and this my friend Seth,”
Teenage Boy: (nodes again while quickly looking between the two girls.) “Well thanks for the directions! Maybe I’ll see you guys later on,” (he says as he starts to walk backwards.)
Grace: (drums her fingers through the air in a kind of half enthusiastic wave) “Maybe!” (she calls back.)
Seth: (catches a glimpse of the boy smiling before he turns around, slowing growing smaller as he fades into the distance and pretends to choke.)
Grace: (spins on Seth, her pale cheeks turning pink, her brown eyes wide with a scolding gaze. She swings her flat palm at Seth) “Shut up!”
Seth: (dodges the almost hit from Grace with a teasing smile.) “You should just write despite on your forehead,”
Grace: (hangs her head with embarrassment, her long white hair falling into her face like a curtain.) “….you think he thought I was….despite?”
Seth: (shrugs, to busy looking at her black finger nails to displaying much interest) “I don’t know…I’d say he’s interested….probably not blown away, but interested.”
Grace: (sighs heavily as she starts to walk again, staring down at her pink flip flops) “Well, interested is better than not interested at all,” (reaches back and starts to pull her hair into a pony tail.)
Seth: (Falls into place beside Grace, pulling her black tank top up to reveal her toned stomach.) “That’s the spirit,” (wipes sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand)
Grace: (Glances over at Seth’s stomach) “Man, I wish I had your body,”
Seth: (hangs her head back, her arms crossed over her breast) “When you start working half as hard as I do, will be the day you earn my Protectors body.”
Grace: (pulls up her own pink tank top, peering down at the lack of muscle on her flat stomach) “You’re just jealous you aren’t a privileged witch like me,”
Seth: (looks over at Grace) “I think I’m fine with being a werewolf,”
Grace: (smiles)
Seth: (notes the smile) “What’s so funny?”
Grace: “Your right. You don’t have the MENTAL capacity to be a witch,” (chuckles to herself)
Seth: (frowns) “Spell witch with a ‘b’ and write that on your forehead along with despite,”
Grace: “You’re a female werewolf….which I’m guessing is not a far stretch from a female dog,”
Seth: (lets out a low growl, her eyes flashing silver as she glares at Grace) “Clever,”
Grace: (bites on her lower lip, trying to hide her smile from her temperamental companion)

Without thinking, Grace turns into the clearing on the right hand side of the road, almost immediately having to step aside to avoid running into an old rusted bike frame. Among the long, ankle high grass, is other kinds of left behind junk. Perched on top of a tireless car is a young girl, not much older than Grace and Seth in appearance. She’s clad in jean shorts, and a black bra, her tank top setting in a pile next to her. Lying in the grass next to the car and the sun bathing girl is a large, black wolf. Its eyes are closed but either Grace or Seth even considered the possibility of the creature being asleep.Girl on car: (removes sun glasses while sitting up) “Nice of you to finally arrive Grace,” (her voice is pleasant, her sharp features blank of expression)

Grace: “Nice of you to be half dressed for my arrival,” (all joy and cheerfulness drains out of Grace, only to be replaced by annoyance as the girl leaps down from the hood of the car, approaching Grace and Seth.)
Girl that was on car: “Ready to start?” (Raises an eyebrow with a questioning gaze)
Grace: (shrugs) “Ready as I’ll ever be,” (looks over at Seth, trying to send a silent S.O.S)
Seth: (catches Grace’s look but flicks her fingers at Grace in a kind of shooing way)
Grace: (flips Seth the bird)
Seth: (rolls eyes and turns towards the wolf) “Love you too!”

lol. Right?


DISCUSSION: Umm... you could make the text smaller? I mean, that's not a big deal, but it makes it feel more... professional?

Okay, maybe you noticed the two spelling mistakes, blah blah, the main thing is that you have to review it mentally. (Again?) Picture everything: how does everything come together realistically?

Let's back it up. What is this story about? Fantasy: werewolves and witches are here. It seems a bit lighter than what I'd like, but I sorta have a problem with that area. ( ) It has that realism, side-story, friendship going on, and nothing seems to be too wrong with the world. You know... other than werewolves and witches are touching each other's stomachs. Well... I'm pretty sure that's what happened.

What will the story turn into? Well, the end of this isn't exactly an ending that you WANT to turn the page, it's more of you HAVE to: you don't exactly... get... anything.

Is it a bad thing? Well... what you were going for: no. This: yes. Only this in particular because it's left with too much... open-ness. Absolutely ANYTHING could happen. But what you didn't focus on is putting in our minds these questions: who is that boy in the beginning? Who are Grace and Seth? What the hell is going on? How is Seth being a werewolf going to affect stuff? What the hell is going on?

If you made that, like, the only thing going through our minds, we'd turn that page without a second thought. At least I would. So try your best to make it suspenseful and (any kind of) action-packed.


Also, there is some script-specific errors to be edited. I could go through and tell you everything (examples, etc.); only if you say so, though.

Other than that, it might be an original idea, but the information in this small(ish) piece isn't giving enough for me to detirmine anything. Hopefully there's some bloodshed!







____________________________________________________________________________________________________ _______________



UBER AWeSOME PART:


Okay, this first part is just for orginization. I won't edit anything, I'll just organize everything.

______

Spoiler:

Scene 1: Opens on the side of a long dirt road, lined with oaks and pine trees. The sun is shining down on two young girls (Grace and Seth) who have encountered a teenage boy about their age.

Teenage Boy: “So is it that obvious that I’m new in town?” (he’s holding a hand over his eyes to shield the sun)

Grace: (Is leaning on her right side, flirtatiously looking at the boy) “Only to those of us who were born and raised here,”

Teenage Boy: (Looks uncomfortable as he looks around, eyebrows drawn together) “I hate to admit it, but I’m kinda lost…do you guys think you could point me in the direction of town?”

Seth: (shifts her weight on to her right side and points down the left side of the road) “Just head that way for a mile or so,”
Teenage Boy: (The boy smiles shyly and nodes) “Thanks.” (He starts to walk off but doesn’t get far before he spins back around on his heels, running a hand through pale brown hair.) “I didn’t get your names,”

Grace: (hasn’t moved an inch and is watching the boy with a sly smile on her blue lips.) “I’m Grace, and this my friend Seth,”

Teenage Boy: (nodes again while quickly looking between the two girls.) “Well thanks for the directions! Maybe I’ll see you guys later on,” (he says as he starts to walk backwards.)

Grace: (drums her fingers through the air in a kind of half enthusiastic wave) “Maybe!” (she calls back.)

Seth: (catches a glimpse of the boy smiling before he turns around, slowing growing smaller as he fades into the distance and pretends to choke.)

Grace: (spins on Seth, her pale cheeks turning pink, her brown eyes wide with a scolding gaze. She swings her flat palm at Seth) “Shut up!”

Seth: (dodges the almost hit from Grace with a teasing smile.) “You should just write despite on your forehead,”

Grace: (hangs her head with embarrassment, her long white hair falling into her face like a curtain.) “….you think he thought I was….despite?”

Seth: (shrugs, to busy looking at her black finger nails to displaying much interest) “I don’t know…I’d say he’s interested….probably not blown away, but interested.”

Grace: (sighs heavily as she starts to walk again, staring down at her pink flip flops) “Well, interested is better than not interested at all,” (reaches back and starts to pull her hair into a pony tail.)

Seth: (Falls into place beside Grace, pulling her black tank top up to reveal her toned stomach.) “That’s the spirit,” (wipes sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand)

Grace: (Glances over at Seth’s stomach) “Man, I wish I had your body,”

Seth: (hangs her head back, her arms crossed over her breast) “When you start working half as hard as I do, will be the day you earn my Protectors body.”

Grace: (pulls up her own pink tank top, peering down at the lack of muscle on her flat stomach) “You’re just jealous you aren’t a privileged witch like me,”

Seth: (looks over at Grace) “I think I’m fine with being a werewolf,”

Grace: (smiles)

Seth: (notes the smile) “What’s so funny?”

Grace: “You're right. You don’t have the mental capacity to be a witch,” (chuckles to herself)

Seth: (frowns) “Spell witch with a ‘b’ and write that on your forehead along with despite,”

Grace: “You’re a female werewolf….which I’m guessing is not a far stretch from a female dog,”

Seth: (lets out a low growl, her eyes flashing silver as she glares at Grace) “Clever,”

Grace: (bites on her lower lip, trying to hide her smile from her temperamental companion)


Without thinking, Grace turns into the clearing on the right hand side of the road, almost immediately having to step aside to avoid running into an old rusted bike frame. Among the long, ankle high grass, is other kinds of left behind junk. Perched on top of a tireless car is a young girl, not much older than Grace and Seth in appearance. She’s clad in jean shorts, and a black bra, her tank top setting in a pile next to her. Lying in the grass next to the car and the sun bathing girl is a large, black wolf. Its eyes are closed but either Grace or Seth even considered the possibility of the creature being asleep.

Girl on car: (removes sun glasses while sitting up) “Nice of you to finally arrive Grace,” (her voice is pleasant, her sharp features blank of expression)

Grace: “Nice of you to be half dressed for my arrival,” (all joy and cheerfulness drains out of Grace, only to be replaced by annoyance as the girl leaps down from the hood of the car, approaching Grace and Seth.)

Girl that was on car: “Ready to start?” (Raises an eyebrow with a questioning gaze)

Grace: (shrugs) “Ready as I’ll ever be,” (looks over at Seth, trying to send a silent S.O.S)

Seth: (catches Grace’s look but flicks her fingers at Grace in a kind of shooing way)

Grace: (flips Seth the bird)

Seth: (rolls eyes and turns towards the wolf) “Love you too!”


___


Okay, using stuff from http://www.simplyscripts.com/WR_format.html, this'll be easy. You have everything there, just that you need to know how to put it. (I only did a correct script... twice, I think, so I'm still a bit rusty.)


1: Center the dialogue-characters.
2: New line for long directions (not centered)
3: Describe setting
4: Whole buncha other crap, you'll find out

There's more complication to that, but I'll just do it for you so you can see yourself. Maybe that'll be better than reading that page of... death. What you don't have to worry about is all the "1.3 inches right margin" crap, that's for if you're turning it in to people and stuff.




~

Spoiler:



Scene 1: Opens on the side of a long dirt road, lined with oaks and pine trees. The sun is shining down on two young girls (Grace and Seth) who have encountered a teenage boy about their age.

Teenage Boy: “So is it that obvious that I’m new in town?” (he’s holding a hand over his eyes to shield the sun)
Grace: (Is leaning on her right side, flirtatiously looking at the boy) “Only to those of us who were born and raised here,”
Teenage Boy: (Looks uncomfortable as he looks around, eyebrows drawn together) “I hate to admit it, but I’m kinda lost…do you guys think you could point me in the direction of town?”
Seth: (shifts her wait on to her right side and points down the left side of the road) “Just head that way for a mile or so,”
Teenage Boy: (The boy smiles shyly and nodes) “Thanks.” (He starts to walk off but doesn’t get far before he spins back around on his heels, running a hand through pale brown hair.) “I didn’t get your names,”
Grace: (hasn’t moved an inch and is watching the boy with a sly smile on her blue lips.) “I’m Grace, and this my friend Seth,”
Teenage Boy: (nodes again while quickly looking between the two girls.) “Well thanks for the directions! Maybe I’ll see you guys later on,” (he says as he starts to walk backwards.)
Grace: (drums her fingers through the air in a kind of half enthusiastic wave) “Maybe!” (she calls back.)
Seth: (catches a glimpse of the boy smiling before he turns around, slowing growing smaller as he fades into the distance and pretends to choke.)
Grace: (spins on Seth, her pale cheeks turning pink, her brown eyes wide with a scolding gaze. She swings her flat palm at Seth) “Shut up!”
Seth: (dodges the almost hit from Grace with a teasing smile.) “You should just write despite on your forehead,”
Grace: (hangs her head with embarrassment, her long white hair falling into her face like a curtain.) “….you think he thought I was….despite?”
Seth: (shrugs, to busy looking at her black finger nails to displaying much interest) “I don’t know…I’d say he’s interested….probably not blown away, but interested.”
Grace: (sighs heavily as she starts to walk again, staring down at her pink flip flops) “Well, interested is better than not interested at all,” (reaches back and starts to pull her hair into a pony tail.)
Seth: (Falls into place beside Grace, pulling her black tank top up to reveal her toned stomach.) “That’s the spirit,” (wipes sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand)
Grace: (Glances over at Seth’s stomach) “Man, I wish I had your body,”
Seth: (hangs her head back, her arms crossed over her breast) “When you start working half as hard as I do, will be the day you earn my Protectors body.”
Grace: (pulls up her own pink tank top, peering down at the lack of muscle on her flat stomach) “You’re just jealous you aren’t a privileged witch like me,”
Seth: (looks over at Grace) “I think I’m fine with being a werewolf,”
Grace: (smiles)
Seth: (notes the smile) “What’s so funny?”
Grace: “Your right. You don’t have the metal capacity to be a witch,” (chuckles to herself)
Seth: (frowns) “Spell witch with a ‘b’ and write that on your forehead along with despite,”
Grace: “You’re a female werewolf….which I’m guessing is not a far stretch from a female dog,”
Seth: (lets out a low growl, her eyes flashing silver as she glares at Grace) “Clever,”
Grace: (bites on her lower lip, trying to hide her smile from her temperamental companion)

Without thinking, Grace turns into the clearing on the right hand side of the road, almost immediately having to step aside to avoid running into an old rusted bike frame. Among the long, ankle high grass, is other kinds of left behind junk. Perched on top of a tireless car is a young girl, not much older than Grace and Seth in appearance. She’s clad in jean shorts, and a black bra, her tank top setting in a pile next to her. Lying in the grass next to the car and the sun bathing girl is a large, black wolf. Its eyes are closed but either Grace or Seth even considered the possibility of the creature being asleep.Girl on car: (removes sun glasses while sitting up) “Nice of you to finally arrive Grace,” (her voice is pleasant, her sharp features blank of expression)

Grace: “Nice of you to be half dressed for my arrival,” (all joy and cheerfulness drains out of Grace, only to be replaced by annoyance as the girl leaps down from the hood of the car, approaching Grace and Seth.)
Girl that was on car: “Ready to start?” (Raises an eyebrow with a questioning gaze)
Grace: (shrugs) “Ready as I’ll ever be,” (looks over at Seth, trying to send a silent S.O.S)
Seth: (catches Grace’s look but flicks her fingers at Grace in a kind of shooing way)
Grace: (flips Seth the bird)
Seth: (rolls eyes and turns towards the wolf) “Love you too!”









Remember, this doesn't mean "Right!," this means "On The Right Track!"

Some things to put in mind:
1.Differences from stories and scripts. Now, I know some mod-lord will disagree with this, but I know that scripts have a lot of freelance with the actors/readers. Think about all the famous plays like Romeo & Juliet... and... the other ones. Sure, they say "in the park," but they don't say "5 trees, 2 big rocks, and 4 benches, all aranged in order from polished to painted in a circular fashion." You give the same script to two people, the show's going to be different. I say that's what you WANT in a script. You WANT it to be slightly different.

Things like hair color, eye color, and...nail color... I think don't apply. What if that witch girl had blonde hair? Would that drastically change everything? Is it necessary? If it is, then you should have it, but if it's okay to switch something, leave it out. My opinion.

2. Maybe you noticed me shorten a lot of stuff. Well... it's in the same category as 1. Just get it to the point, because a script isn't a description. Ah, quotable stuff there! But, yeah, another way things apply in scripts than stories: you don't get nearly in depth with the little stuff. Stories: it's cool. If not amazing. But scripts: that's... that's as mean as... that Grace chick seems to the boy! Ha! Despite!

...

3. Realism. I get it, it's a fantasy, but the point of fantasy is to make it seem like "Pshh... yeah, there's a flying unicorn, so what?" So our fantasies are... the... characters reality. You know what I mean? So make sure dialogue and reactions are still realistic. Just imagine the whole play in your head. If [fucking] werewolves and witches were real, would it sound like something Grace, Seth, and Girl that was on car would say? (lol) Th-think-think...about it. (about it)

4. Revealing. If you're making this script for READING, then you're doing fine. Ish. But if you're doing it for ACTING, there's no need to call them "BOY, GIRL THAT WAS ON CARE, and WEREWOLF." Call them their real names, because the actors shouldn't have to read the whole thing to find out if that's actually their character. I know, it sucks, but you're just going to have to answer some questions quite bluntantly.

5. Write more. Holy crap, this better not be all you're writing, or I will spam you like a dating site.

There's mistakes I made that I don't know, and maybe mistakes you made that I didn't catch... but this'll get you started. We'll learn as we go, I guess.
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						Last edited by Rose; 07-01-2011 at 05:19 PM.
					
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Old 07-07-2011, 11:14 AM View Post #3 (Link)
Hektisch (Offline)
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First (a really, superbly unimportant detail), after a character's dialogue you should use a period. I noticed you tended to use commas, but that's not how scripts work. Also, no quotes or colons and whatnot...

And, like x3naurus said, scriptwriters don't tend to write out the fine details of their characters or their settings (colors and stuff like that), more what is happening. A cause-and-effect of their surroundings, if you will.

Although I must contradict x3naurus on description. In scriptwriting, you should try to describe your settings* and what is going on around the characters more in between the dialogue. In a way, the details of their surroundings are almost as important as the dialogue and characters' actions themselves.

*I'm really contradicting myself. What I mean by description of the settings... GOOD: What is happening, rough details like the place in general, what kind of objects are there, the people around them, etc. BAD: Specific details and objects. There is no way for you to know what specific props and/or actors are going to be in your screenplay.

There was one part of your description/action that I was iffy about:
(all joy and cheerfulness drains out of Grace, only to be replaced by annoyance as the girl leaps down from the hood of the car, approaching Grace and Seth.)
My problem with it is that, in a script, we typically don't know the characters' thoughts but have to draw conclusions from what we are given. How would we really know that Grace was drained of object A and B? Was it a face she made? Did her shoulders slump? Those are the details you'll want to capture so that we can really picture how your character is feeling. With scripts, you can't just give it to us, you have to show it to us.

In the beginning of your script, you mentioned that this teenage boy was 'about their age.' The flaw in that is that you never told us Grace or Seth's age, so how are we supposed to conclude anything from that? In your script you should always give the character's age or general age next to their name when they are introduced. For example, if Grace was, say, seventeen, you would write GRACE (17). For a general age, if your character doesn't know it or something like that, you could put TEENAGE BOY (upper teens). Terrible example, but I'm sure you get what I'm saying.

Now, formatting... It all really depends on what kind of script you are writing (screenplay, TV, play, etc.). I'd definitely check out the link x3naurus posted, but there are tons of great how-to guides on how to format at the Script Frenzy site (I would post a link, but I can't yet...). I highly recommend their guides, as a SF vet myself.

With your storyline as a whole, I haven't read enough to really make a conclusion on whether or not I like it or if it's interesting or not. It might have been nice if you'd have posted something a bit longer with more action. If you do post more, vm me and I'd love to check it out.
  
						Last edited by Hektisch; 07-07-2011 at 12:02 PM.
					
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