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Old 06-09-2011, 11:00 PM View Post #1 (Link) “The Psychiatrist”
Thoth (Offline)
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: on the island of none-ya-damn-business!
Posts: 71
Points: 2.61
Times Thanked: 5
Ok, so this is just something that came to mind. I don't really care if anyone is to act this out, just be sure that if you do, film it for me!

Stage lights come up, showing an immaculate office, with a small kitchenette
Professor: (enters office, leading an Interviewer. Puts on a scarf and heavy coat) Well, this is where I work, you know. (Walks over to a rabbit in a bird cage) Hello kitty! Hello kitty! (Starts to mimic thee rabbit’s nose twitching) Hello kitty, nice kitty, ok.
Interviewer: Uh, Professor, can we-
Professor: (goes to kitchenette, and opens the fridge to loud drums. Closes and drums stops.) Who left the television set on? Ah well. (Proceeds to put scarf and coat inside the fridge, with loud drums still going on. Drums stop when fridge is closed)
Interviewer: Uh Professor-
Professor: Hold on Edd. First I must water my lamp. (Proceeds to a hose hanging over a lamp, and waters it thoroughly) Must have water in the lamp, otherwise it will not grow, hehe!
Interviewer: Professor, why-
Professor: Hold on Edd! (Goes back to fridge, and pulls out a paper bag. Proceeds to put in hand, and throws flour around the office, till the dust is obscuring the vision of all attending.)
Interviewer: Uh Professor-
Professor: HELLO, EDD?
Interviewer: Uh, yes professor, what ar-
Professor: HELLO, EDD?
Interviewer: Ye-
Professor: HELLO EDD? ARE YOU THERE? HELLO!
Interviewer: (blows and wipes flour from the air, and his glasses) Yes Professor! Uh, sir, what were you doing?
Professor: What was I doing, I was dusting. Don’t you do it at home?
Interviewer: Yes Professor, but can we start the interview?
Professor: Of course.
(Both sit, Professor, behind a desk, Interviewer in front)
Interviewer: Now, Professor, could you tell us about your branch of medical science? How you started this school, and how you became a psychologist?
Professor: Well, I would be happy to do this. See, my branch of medical science was started by Sigmund Freud, whose friendship I enjoyed. Though, neither did he. So I started this school of psychology, only just last week. And I already have one distinguished disciple. (Makes a big show, seeming like it’s him, then points off stage) HIM!
Interviewer: And sir, some of your background? Your name, home town?
Professor: I’m Ludwig von Schtickviks, psychiatrist from Düsseldorf. Und I’m very helpful if you’re off your trolley car. (Points to his head) Und if your not, so what? Someday you’ll be! I’ll never complicate any case, for I’ll tell my patients to their face how sick they are. Doctor Freud makes complications which are hard to read, and hazy. Maybe his patients are neurotic, depressive, off their heads, or psychotic, but anyone who will come to me, will be crazy!!!
Interviewer: And your hours sir?
Professor: My hours are from eight to ten. Ten to twelve. Twelve to two. Two to four, my is never closed. Six to four, four to two, two to twelve. The koocoo in my head is going nuts.
Interviewer: So how do you usually work?
Professor: Well, I am always very punctual. If the patient is not on the dot, I will start with out them! (Claps his hands with each syllable) So when they finally get to my office, I never have any squawking, talking, or chatting. I make very clear from the start, that I do the talking! (Emphasis on the I’s) Und its simple why I do this. Like one and one is two. For, if you’re the one that’s crazy, why in the world would I listen to you?
Interviewer: Do you have limitations? Boundaries between the sexes?
Professor: No. No matter of what sex you are, how complex or simple you are, of this be deadly sure. If you are normal then it’s hopeless. For this, there is no cure.
Interviewer: Can you tell us the difference from very similar things? I remember you mentioning neurotic? What is the difference between that, and being psychotic?
Professor: Well, if you’re psychotic, you think that two and two is five. You are very candid. However, if you are neurotic, you know that two and two is four, but you can’t STAND IT!!!!! (Gets very violent on the last two words, shaking his fist in the air, and then slamming it down on to the desk)
Interviewer: Of course sir! Please, calm down! Could you tell us some of your cases before the school?
Professor: Well, there was the one time when I analyzed Budapest string quartet you know. All five of them at once.
Interviewer: Uh, sir? A quartet is only fo-
Professor: (continuing past him, like he never said anything) But then that was nothing compared to the time when I single handed analyzed the entire Macmillan Kratsmire German Band. There they were, all standing in the office. Just some of the names that I remember . . . Strasar played the sousaphone, und Schoots played the lute. Und Fleegle played the flugelhorn, Und Fleugle played the fleet. No wait, he played the flute! There was also Fritz, und Franz, und Heinz, und Hans, und Vienne und Schnitzel too. And the reason they were there, was so I could figure something out.
Interviewer: What were you trying to figure out sir?
Professor: Why no one liked them. But then, after hours, days, weeks, and months, I finally figured it out! I realized that everyone hated the name! So I changed it to Mack’s Pneumatic Band! Now they all look up to me, to this very day, like I’m Confucius, or the President, or even their father! Und today, they are the greatest in the land!
(Professor continues to ramble on, as the lights fade out)
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Words will always retain their power. Words offer the means to meaning and for those who will listen, the enunciation of truth.
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V for Vendetta
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