verse 1:
we were riding in the car through the highway
but little did we know it was a highway to hell
verse 2:
And we went straight down
and we couldn't break as gravity pushed us down
but then the angels came and make'd us fly oh the feeling was like the satty nine

and now were in the
chorus:
highway to heaven highway to heaven
thanks to the angels we didn't die
and oh the feeling was like the satty nine
chorus:
highway to heaven highway to heaven
thanks to the angels we didn't die
and oh the feeling was like the satty nine
verse 3 :
but we couldn't get back to earth I wonder why
I thought that we died
until the satty nine

chorus x1
verse 3

Originally Posted by AngeloS05 verse 1: we were riding in the car through This should be down, you can't really ride through a highway. the highway but little did we know it was a highway to hell

This first verse is very cliche. You can find practically the same lyrics in many late 70s and 80s rock songs. It's okay to go AC/DCesque, but ripping them off outright is a little shameful.

[B]verse 2: And we went straight down and we couldn't break as gravity pushed us down but then the angels came and make'd Make'd? Make'd isn't a word. I think the word you're looking for is made. Yeah, you get a little bit of artistic license in lyrics, but this just sounds silly. us fly oh the feeling was like the satty nine

Typically in song all the verses have the same flow (number of syllables, rhyming patterns etc.) This verse is way off in terms of flow; it's more like a break than a second verse. The timing in relation to the verse first is completely different.

and now were we'rein the

What is this bit? Is it an extension of the above verse? Or the beginning of the chorus? O.O

chorus: highway to heaven highway to heaven thanks to the angels we didn't die and oh the feeling was like the satty nine chorus: highway to heaven highway to heaven thanks to the angels we didn't die and oh the feeling was like the satty nine

For a chorus, this isn't very strong at all. If you do want a chorus, it really needs to stand out lyrically from the rest of the song, whereas this just seems like an extension of the verse.

verse 3 : but we couldn't get back to earth I wonder why I thought that we died until the satty nine

The problem with these verses is that they all have a completely different structure. Typically in song, the verses are the same, it gives the song a foundation to work with lyrically. These verses have no structure, they're all completely different, which makes them hard to critique flow wise because I have nothing to compare them too. (i.e with structured verses the flow is easy to spot, as is a break in flow).

Overall, these could do with some work. The problem with cliche is pretty much present throughout the whole song. These sound like they were taken straight out of a generic classic rock song. Don't be afraid to mess about with conventions and think outside of the box a little, because at the moment there is nothing in there to keep me from forgetting these lyrics as soon as I stop this critique. That's a bad thing. Good lyrics should stay with the listener (reader, in this case) long after they have finished.

Look at lyrics as very similar to poetry; imagery, flow and tone are very important in both. People seem to forget the similarity between lyrics and poetry.

EDIT: What is Satty Nine? O.O

Hi there!

So I think with lyrics, it's always a bit different to review. As you can hear the rhythm they are intended to take in your head, and we cannot, but alas I will do my best!

Originally Posted by AngeloS05 verse 1: we were riding in the car through the highway but little did we know it was a highway to hell

The first problem that I am finding with this is that I cannot find any sort of rhythm here, and perhaps it is a problem with my mind, but I cannot find the music of this piece. Typically with lyrics, you can almost feel where the music will be, and how you can sing them. Even if you slow them down or speed them up in your own mind, you can feel out that they have some sort of a rhythmic beat behind them, but with this I am finding it difficult to find your beat. More than that, the topic of a highway to hell has already been done.. in the song Highway to Hell by AC DC. Not to say that lyricists don't typically use the same themes, with any love song you'll find the same central theme, but to simply reuse a phrase is a bit much.

Originally Posted by AngeloS05 verse 2: And we went straight down and we couldn't break as gravity pushed us down but then the angels came and make'd us fly oh the feeling was like the satty nine

I have to repeat what the person above me said, and point out that "make'd" is indeed not a word. Even though lyric writing gives you a bit of freedom with wording, you still have to use actual words.

As for the two lines before that, it feels like the same thing being repeated. Going down and being pushed down by gravity are virtually the same thing, and I think you can create a better image with that. Perhaps being dragged down by the dark forces of hell? Anything to create something tangibles in the reader or listeners mind

Originally Posted by AngeloS05 chorus: highway to heaven highway to heaven thanks to the angels we didn't die and oh the feeling was like the satty nine

Now I am confused by this transition. First you are telling me about your highway to hell, and now the switch? What happened. Why is there a sudden change in direction, and HOW did you survive? What changed in the second verse and the chorus that would make such a change plausible. At this point you went from one extreme to the next with no explanation.

I think that if you cleaned this up a bit, perhaps even added a bridge or another verse to explain this sudden change, then you could have something really great here!

I'd love to see more from you, hope this helps,

Tiff.