Thread: Salt
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Old 09-04-2017, 09:58 AM View Post #2 (Link)
bhartijain (Offline)
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Join Date: Aug 2017
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Hi,

I like the theme of your poetry carrying a unique idea. The use of connotation of salt for the beloved is germane since it is the most essential spice of life.

However, I was looking forward to be able to read more if the poem could be little longer because so many events could be related to your theme which also could do justice with the length.

There are few other small suggestions regarding the lines you have written.

1) Try not to use the words once used.
2) Focus on the qulities of salt such as it dissolves, its white shining crystals, its calculative use, its strong reaction with ice, etc.

I revived your poem a little. Please see if it can help...

In the world full of unpleasant strife
just as my bland and insipid life

You came as the salt
Making me love you to a fault

A humdrum life with no spice
was enough for me to despise

And then one fine day we met
Since then I've been in fate's debt

You're a rich and exquisite flavour
the taste of which I will savour.

With you by my side, my plate's full
I never felt such a strong pull

But I shall swallow you wise
neither too less nor much shall suffice ....

to be continued...

I hope you find my reviews of some help.
- Bharti
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