Thread: Guilt
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Old 11-01-2017, 08:03 PM View Post #2 (Link) Critique
itsbabyface (Offline)
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Join Date: Nov 2017
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Great concept. Could be more descriptive and a bit lengthier just to encompass how important her lover was to her and more specificity on how he died. Reading it over might be helpful to review grammar mistake and you want to think of what you want the reader to feel and hear as they read it. I like that it was a little blurb but still told a whole story, in a way. The picture was a bit blurry if that makes sense. As a reader, when I'm looking over something, the words must flow together in such a way that it paints a picture in my head. Some sentences seemed jolty and dissonant to the previous sentence, and the emotion I was supposed to feel or that she was feeling wasn't clear, even though the piece is called guilt. Maybe allow the piece to be a bit longer so you can add sentences that would make the flow more even. Great job!
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