Thread: Free to fall
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Old 04-15-2014, 03:53 PM View Post #2 (Link)
fictionlover (Offline)
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: Texas
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I don't think it was that bad. It was pretty catchy to me. It has a good rhythm and most people would say rhyming is a bit childish, but in this case I think it worked really well.

The video is on
The radio is set
Everybody come out to hear my voice

There is a willingness in me
To show I'm free
Free to do what I can over the noise
This is the most important part because its the opening. If it's not catchy people won't really listen. Now this part is catchy but it sings a little awkwardly. Because it's rhyming, when you sing it you want to go along with a certain beat. I would suggest to change "Everybody come out to hear my voice" to "Everybody's come out to hear my voice". It's a little suggestion but I think it has more to do with personal preference when it comes to the actual wording of the lyrics. The second part of the opening is really good and keeps with that rhyming so the beat won't be off.

CHORUS: just scream it
YE----IYE----IYE---IYE
I can do it all
And shout it
YE ----IYE----IYE---IYE
I'm free to fall
This part is a little iffy. I would replace "YE----IYE----IYE---IYE" with something else, just because it's not a common things for the crowd, or singer to say in those situations. Usually a singer will write something that the crowd will have no doubt about like "Oh-o-oh", it may seem a little overused but I don't think it would hurt the quality of the lyrics if you used it. Everything else is all right.

Bridge: fall for the music
fall for the drum set
fall for the drumstick
even when it's sunset
This part is good. I don't really have anything to comment on.

This was a pretty good song, welcome to youngwritersonline, and I hope you feel welcome. Keep on writing!
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