Which Idea is better?

[fr33f4llll]

Hey I have got two Ideas floating through my head at the moment, and I'm not sure which one is better.

The Freefalling of Dreams ( Possibly "King of Hearts" )

( NOTE here is an extract of variation 1 of this book and variation 1 of the character 'Daniel'. POV 3rd )

I must not cry, Daniel reminded himself. He sat alone in the far corner of the dirty yellow school bus. Raindrops steadily showered the dirty windows of the bus, streaking the scenery, forming an unfocused picture.
He smiled. Tears left their trail lines down his cheeks.
It's funny, he thought to himself, When you lose everything you care for, you hate everything.
He chuckled.
Tears reached his eyes, unlike his smile.
The bus stopped. A girl walked on and took the seat next to him.
“I'm done,” he whispered to himself.

This story is about a boy who must save another world that he doesn't even know of. The reason is because. He is one born of an earths spirit.

To me this seems melodramatic. Maybe even cliché, but this one has more depth then variation 2 .



( NOTE here is an extract of variation 2 of this book and variation 2 of the character 'Daniel'. POV 3rd maybe 1st )

He pulled the trigger and the man before him crumpled as the bullet collided with his scull.
Daniel smiled as he let the gun fall from his hand. The smile was a type that was arrogant. An arrogance that his whole body displayed.
“You never were that smart,” he whispered into the dead mans ear.
With a confident walk he left the kitchen which was now stain with the blood of his victim.
Daniel pulled a cellphone out of the pocket his black hoodie. He dialed the emergency hot-line. An attractive sounding woman answered.
“I would like to report a murder.” Daniel said in a matter-of-fact voice. “On 23 Murry Street Adelaide.”
The screen lit up as he hit the disconnect button.
“No use letting the body stink the house out.”


This one is a bit more dark which suits the book, but that's my opinion.
Which style would you prefer?


Welcome to the Future

(NOTE I haven't accentually wrote anything for this, so Ill just write the plot)

It stars a character called Dylin. For a thousand and four years, there has been a repeating process, and Dylin is it. His life is a repetition. He has lived and died 62 times, but he doesn't know it.
He is a character in a digital world. Nothing is real, except that every sixteen years he dies and is reborn.
On his 12 birthday he was given something, a sheet of paper that had four words on it 'Run for your life'.
Those words triggered two things; a realization that he had to escape, and the knowledge that he wouldn't be the first to try.
Can he escape his world? Can he hope to survive?



So that's all of them. I know this is a bit messy, sorry for that. Thanks for your time
Ben

[clockisticking]

In my opinion, the first idea isn't the best. The reasons why:

- I find it weak for a man to cry, BUT not if there has been a huge ordeal in the book to make him react that way. As in, someone very close to him died - that would be an absolute tear jerker for me if he cried after he lost someone close to him. But, I don't really know what led up the point that made him break down and cry. So, I can't really judge that.
- I personally don't like first person stories, I always like to see the full picture and not just one person's point of view.

The reasons I like the second one:

- It's third person.
- Even though it's considerably darker then the first idea, it fits with the summary better then the first.
- It shows promise. If I picked up that book in a store or a library, flip to a random page and read that paragraph, I would get the book to read.
- I like the character better in the second one, even though he is a bit dark, he seems to have more of a story behind him. More secrets.

Overall, this is a great story idea. It's definitely original and I like when you can tell that an author thought hard on the story premise. Though this type of story usually isn't the kind of thing that I would read, I would read it. You've got me intrigued. :)

Keep Writing!
-Lizzie

[urCasper]

It’s the first one, even the second is cliché and always seen in the movie; you know lighter scene is always the better. And there was this line on that panorama that struck in mind which is great about it.