First Draft, Last Draft

[Andy]

This is a neat little thing I like to do now and then. If you have multiple drafts on your computer or on paper, you can do this.

Open the oldest draft of your work. Now open the newest. Compare the same passage in both drafts, and take a look at how your writing's gotten better. :) And if you want, post it here.

Here's my first draft. Notice the hideous infodump before the events even start. :doh: You're probably better off skipping to the last paragraph.
A playful spring wind blew through a forest of trees in a far-off corner of the world, bringing with it scents from every land. It was early morning; the sun peeked over the seemingly-infinite ocean in the east, bringing light and long shadows to the small thorn-shaped island. Ageless trees covered its entire surface, allowing only a small fraction of the sun’s light to brighten its ground. But there was no harm done, for the people living here thrived underground, with no need for the sun’s warmth and light.

(imagine 6 paragraph of infodumps here)

It will never work, he thought to himself. The entire idea is exorbitant! There’s never been a spell so outrageously long in the entire history of the world!


Last Draft:
“The Winnower will never work!”
Thellus allowed the denial to fly from his mouth before Ania had a chance to issue her usual greeting. He did it to spite her, to dismiss her, to say that a conversation was the last thing he wanted. A few hundred years ago, Thellus would never have done such a thing, but years of being ignored and shooed away had hardened his heart.

[Carraka]

Damn, Andrew.

A playful spring wind blew through a forest of trees in a far-off corner of the world, bringing with it scents from every land.Only Mr. Rigney was allowed to start with wind descriptions, and even then he cut it close.

I have no final drafts, unfortunately. Uh ... I might have lost the first typed draft of my prologue, but I can retype it, since I have the rewritten version ... somewhere.

[Majyk]

Gosh, took me long enough to find mine. I must have ten documents called some variation of the title, but all of them had been replaced with the edited version.

Okay, first draft. (Eww... this is ugly.)

Hundreds of years ago...

He was a legendary hero and King of Zirannia at age sixteen. He had a plan for Zirannia, one that would stop all the evil if he succeeded. But all that was about to change if she got her way, for soon he would be dead, and she would be ruler of Zirannia.

He was brave, either that or very stupid. He had known that she was planning on killing him, yet he had not done anything to stop her.

And that one mistake had been his choice between life and death. She smiled to herself. And he had chosen death.

So now she was going to kill him.


Okay, enough with that one. That’s like, less than half of what I had written, but I don’t want to read anymore, and I’m sure no one else does either.

Last draft:

There was movement in the corridor that dark night. A shadowy figure passed through the darkness broken only by shafts of moonlight filtering through the windows which lined the corridor.

Her footsteps echoed like a clock chime, harsh and strong as she strode down the hall. She stopped in front of a closed door, its handle and hinges vivid against the chestnut wood chopped down years ago to make this entranceway. She clutched something underneath her cloak as she drew a breath, then grasped the handle and turned. The lock clicked as the door shut behind her, and she pressed her back against it.

She glanced towards the bed in the center of the moonlit room, but it was empty, containing only a tangle of sheets and pillows.

Her eyes darted to the window where a young man was standing, looking out over Zirannia’s trio of moons that lit the landscape of hills beyond. The young king turned to look at her, the light trickling in through the window casting dark shadows across his face, and outlining him in the silver radiance.

He was a legendary hero and King of Zirannia at only age sixteen. His plan for Zirannia would finally bring the land the peace it had so long ago had, but that was now lost. If he could destroy the evil in the world, if he could succeed, the land would prosper and continue its existence without the fear that maintained its hold across Zirannia. But he was never going to have the chance if she got her way, for soon he would be dead.

This has reminded me why I'm so glad I found these writing forums. If not, that first draft would probably still be my prologue :doh:

[Andy]

He had a plan for Zirannia, one that would stop all the evil if he succeeded.
There's something...weird about this sentence. :D

Love the more recent draft. Way better. :approve:

[Majyk]

Haha, yeah, it's... :doh:

Yours, too. Much nicer ^^

[Shaun]

I unfortunately don't rewrite in the same manner as you. Which is odd...maybe I should start...

[Lykaios]

I edit my drafts on the same document . . . So I don't have older vrsions except for the odd bit which I haven't edited yet. Maybe I should start doing seperate drafts . . .

[Starry]

Yeah, I always edit in the one document, so I can progressively see how each change works with what I've written before. (Plus, I would rather not have evidence of how horrible some of the old things I wrote were, I have enough issues with some of the early chapters of my story. :] )